Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Original post by nrvbrd
Good Morning.
Friends of ours are getting married in the carribean in May.
The bride to be has been spreading the word that this is an Adult only affair- no kids. She even told some of her own family members that they could not bring their children. Apparently the best man did not think this rule applied to him as he has a 2 year old that he had planned on bringing to the wedding. Well my friend told him that she could not make an exception for him as it would cause alot of trouble and that she hopes he understands.
He tells her ok, but he will have to attend the wedding by himself, because his wife is very attached to their daughter and does not like to be away from her for long periods of time. So my friend said ok- problem solved.
She calls me yesterday telling me that the best man said that (after talking to his wife) he does not feel comfortable leaving his wife and child at home and that maybe they should find a new best man, because he cannot fulfill the obligation.
My friend was livid. Of course she gave in and is letting him bring the child, but she said that she does not understand why he could not come by himself and that his wife is insecure and it is perfectly acceptable for spouses to take separate trips.
Ouch- I could not respond to this- Thoughts?????
Tammy5-03
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
That is a definite bridezilla move. I don't even understand how you can ask such a thing. It does not compare at all to asking someone to get a babysitter for one night. Destination weddings are a vacation, who leaves the family behind when they go on vacation. If she doesn't want this kind of response, the least she could do is set up childcare. If it were a bachelor party or a guy-only thing, I wouldn't mind but something like this, forget it.
curly2003
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Posted by alina
I agree with many others, bring the family to carribean and only the best man to attend the wedding!!!
While its expected not to bring children to adult weddings, if you're going to carribean, you should be able to come as a whole family.
yup
Sonicstef
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
I think that when you ask people go to a destination wedding you best bend over backwards to make sure everyone is accomadated.
I think destination weddings can be wonderful but the couple have to understand what a huge imposition asking people to spend THOUSANDS of dollars and vacation time and god knows what else to come to their wedding is a lot. (Particularily since most destination weddings happen b/c the couple doesnt want to pay for a traditional wedding at home so they choose a location where the wedding is much cheaper and allow the guests the honor of paying for it themselves) And for the people that are willing to do it, more than a 'thanks' is required in my opinion.
But as far as children coming to a wedding in general? There are just some events where children are not appropriate. A movie theatre at night, a fancy restaurant, a bar, a formal event of any kind. Children are wonderful but they are still children. Its not fair for parents to expect a child to act like an adult in a setting that is clearly not ready to handle a childs needs and entertainment wants just as its not fair for parents to expect the rest of the world to accomdate their children in adult settings.
Fran M
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
in this situation (destination wedding), I think she should arrange for childcare which can usually be done through the hotel for the duration of the wedding. The guests can then decide what they want to do.
My Thoughts Exactly!
LisaT
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
I think its perfectly acceptable for spouses tp take separate vacations, but I don't find this particular situation acceptable at all.
If they're such good friends with this guy, wouldn't they WANT the wife to be there as well? I don't see why the whole family can't go to the Caribbean and they find a babysitter for the actual wedding part. It seems like such a simple solution that both couples are overlooking.
nrvbrd
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Posted by LisaT
I think its perfectly acceptable for spouses tp take separate vacations, but I don't find this particular situation acceptable at all.
If they're such good friends with this guy, wouldn't they WANT the wife to be there as well? I don't see why the whole family can't go to the Caribbean and they find a babysitter for the actual wedding part. It seems like such a simple solution that both couples are overlooking.
Lisa, from what my friend is telling me the wife does not like to leave her child with ANYONE. They want to bring the baby to the wedding.
Sassyz75
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
How old is this kid anyway?
And to tell you quite honestly, I would've leave my kid with a strange woman in another country either.
nrvbrd
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Posted by Sassyz75
How old is this kid anyway?
And to tell you quite honestly, I would've leave my kid with a strange woman in another country either.
Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
I understand the parents point of view...who knows their support system...to get a babysitter is one thing...but to get someone to watch their child for a vacation...I get agita leaving my dog in a kennel!!
and thats a lot of responsiblity for the babysitter...even if it were my sister's children...what if they are hurt or get sick....
destination weddings are really expensive for guests...but the alternative is that the couple and child go to Jamaica...but only the husband goes to the wedding
michele31
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
when you require people to take a VACATION to attend your wedding then families should be invited to attend JMO Getting a sitter for a few hours to attend a local wedding is one thing but for a few days? Not everyone has that luxury.
That friend is very selfish IMO.
Cindy
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
I would say that maybe there could be arrangements that someone there watches the child during the wedding, but it is out of the country so I am not sure what options there are there.
My opinion is that if a couple do not want children at their wedding, no matter what the situation is, I think they are entitled to have it that way. I dont think it is right to expect the guy to go to the wedding alone though. I dont think the bride and groom are selfish though for not wanting children at their wedding. Some people dont mind children running around anywhere, not matter what the occasion is and other people feel totally different.
Scoop
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
If it were a close friend of his than I would not have a problem with him going.
Nora101004
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Is there a way to provide babysitting services? It might not be totally fair, but can't mom, dad and kid go and have mom and kid leave the wedding after the CH? I wouldn't want to go alone or be left home.
Mary
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
I do not think there is a problem asking people not to bring their children to a wedding. However, under these circumstances where travel is involved, I think he was right to decline if his wife/child were not invited. I would do the same thing if I were him.
CutieLipps
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Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?
Posted by Sonicstef
I dont think its wrong for a person to go on a trip without their wife and kids in a situation like this BUT IF IT WERE ME
There would be no way in hell that I would be okay letting my husband go on a fun carribbean vacation while I stayed home. Plus, if my husband was a very good friend with the groom, I would be quite offended that they didnt make special arrangements for his small child.
