Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

Good Morning.

Friends of ours are getting married in the carribean in May.

The bride to be has been spreading the word that this is an Adult only affair- no kids. She even told some of her own family members that they could not bring their children.
Apparently the best man did not think this rule applied to him as he has a 2 year old that he had planned on bringing to the wedding. Well my friend told him that she could not make an exception for him as it would cause alot of trouble and that she hopes he understands.

He tells her ok, but he will have to attend the wedding by himself, because his wife is very attached to their daughter and does not like to be away from her for long periods of time. So my friend said ok- problem solved.

She calls me yesterday telling me that the best man said that (after talking to his wife) he does not feel comfortable leaving his wife and child at home and that maybe they should find a new best man, because he cannot fulfill the obligation.

My friend was livid. Of course she gave in and is letting him bring the child, but she said that she does not understand why he could not come by himself and that his wife is insecure and it is perfectly acceptable for spouses to take separate trips.

Ouch- I could not respond to this- Thoughts?????

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I dont think its wrong for a person to go on a trip without their wife and kids in a situation like this BUT IF IT WERE ME

There would be no way in hell that I would be okay letting my husband go on a fun carribbean vacation while I stayed home. Plus, if my husband was a very good friend with the groom, I would be quite offended that they didnt make special arrangements for his small child.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

Thanks Stef.

I wanted to say to her that I would not want my hubby to go without me to the wedding. If it were a random trip with his friends- then off he goes, but a wedding in a romantic place and I am not there- No way!!!!

I really did not get any opinions of my own in, because rules are when someone vents - you LISTEN.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

When you have people travelling for your wedding, you have to understand that people with familes are going to have to bring their children. I had a lot of my family come from Florida and of course they had to bring their kids. If my entire family was coming to my wedding, who would be left to watch the kids. I understand about having a kid only wedding, but you have to be understanding about people's families...

If it were me I would tell my DH to drop out too... If you are spending $ to be in wedding, fly to bahamas, give a gift, etc and then they are going to turn around and say you can't bring your kid I would say then I'm not going either!

edited to say, as her friend, tell her to stop being a bridezilla and chill out.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

K- Is this guy a close person like a brother or just a friend?

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

Latina,

The Best man and the groom to be are best friends for over 15 years.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I think it's pretty arrogant that the bride is telling people they cannot bring children with them on vacation.

If an adult only wedding is so important to her, then in this situation (destination wedding), I think she should arrange for childcare which can usually be done through the hotel for the duration of the wedding. The guests can then decide what they want to do.

Can the BM & his family go to the caribbean but only the BM attend the wedding?

In general, I don't think there's anything wrong with husbands & wives having a weekend get away with their friends. But IMO, a wedding doesn't fall into this category.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I had a similar situation with my brother and I was pissed off that he couldn't come alone. I am kind of neutral in this kind of situation.

Some way I would want DH to stay home with me if its not somebody close. If he was really close to this person then I would probably send him myself alone because I would feel that he needed to be there for the groom. Really all depending on the situation.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

OMG that is a crazy story and I cannot believe he would tell them to find a new BM. How could he do that?
The wife probably demanded that the husband back out of going to the wedding. I think its really messed up !
We had a relative coming in from Georgia and they have an infant son. They brought along a babysitter who stayed at the hotel during the wedding. I guess its different considering this is a destination wedding and probably a lot more expensive.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

If she still insisted no, I would have stayed at a close by hotel with the family and went over to there hotel for the wedding. Or if the hotel she is staying at takes children then I would have stayed at that hotel and just went down for the wedding by myself or got a nanny (most caribbean nannies are great!) and we both would have went to the wedding.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I would be pretty pissed if I was invited to a wedding my husband was in and told that I could not bring my child when travel was not a choice but a requirement. Different scenario if the wedding was local and a baby sitter was readily available.

Considering they Groom and Best Man are such old friends, if I was the BM, I would agree to be in the wedding, bring my family and make it a family vacation and not revolve the trip around the wedding. More like having a wedding to go to while on vacation.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

Christine:

A while back I suggested that she should arrange childcare for those who need to utilize it and she said no way!

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I agree with many others, bring the family to carribean and only the best man to attend the wedding!!!

While its expected not to bring children to adult weddings, if you're going to carribean, you should be able to come as a whole family.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

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Posted by ddunne23

I would be pretty pissed if I was invited to a wedding my husband was in and told that I could not bring my child when travel was not a choice but a requirement. Different scenario if the wedding was local and a baby sitter was readily available.

Considering they Groom and Best Man are such old friends, if I was the BM, I would agree to be in the wedding, bring my family and make it a family vacation and not revolve the trip around the wedding. More like having a wedding to go to while on vacation.

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Ditto

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

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Posted by nrvbrd

Christine:

A while back I suggested that she should arrange childcare for those who need to utilize it and she said no way!

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Then she should have been prepared for this

ETA: And she is probably going to get a lot of grief from all her other guests that were told that they can't bring children.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I'm sorry, but I'm going to be the opposition here. I understand that some people don't want children at their wedding for whatever their personal preferences are. HOWEVER, I just think for the most part it's so silly! Children are a part of our lives and lets not forget that we were all children once. NOT every parent has babysitters readily available and these days it's really hard to trust anyone with your kids. I understand no one wants a screaming baby at their wedding, but sometimes it's LIFE! We all NEVER know if we'll ever be in a situation where we may not be able to find a babysitter and have to either bring our kids or just not go to a function!

NOW, for this couple who is getting married in the Caribbean, I think the BM did the right thing! I CERTAINLY would be pissed if I was in a wedding in the islands and was told I couldn't bring my family!!! So while everyone else is standing there coupled up and feeling happy and giddy in love, you must be alone, just b/c the BRIDE don't want kids at their wedding that everyone is already sacrificing money and time to attend??? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! If they couldn't accommodate me, then I wouldn't go! I'm just different that way! Everyone is sometimes so caught up in themselves that they don't think of the bigger picture! I'm glad the bride got off her high horse and relented, I think it's a perfect compromise!

Okay, I'm off my soap box now - Thanks!

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

I am probably gonna get slammed here but let me just say IF IT WERE ME (following stef on this one)


My husband would NOT be in that wedding. We just came back from Jamaica recently attending a destination wedding. We don't have any kids but there was a couple that came for the wedding that spent a week in Jamaica and bought their 3 year old daughter.

See MY problem with some people and especially when its someone supposedly getting married that does not respect the bond of marriage.

My husband can go on trips by himself but in that situation I dare some bride to be to tell me to let my husband come to her wedding ALONE to be a best man. Due to the fact she does not want our child at her wedding. I mean really this bride to be is that the best suggestion she could come up with.


She has no tact. The wedding we just came back from my goodness we gave them a more than average gift b/c we were so impressed by all the things they went through for the wedding to come together. They did EVERYTHING possible to accomodate people. Everyone raved about the entire week we spent in Jamaica. Also to add they had 100 people attend their wedding.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

Well said Neva. I totally agree.

There is a BIG difference in a wedding in hometown with no kids, but a destination wedding to the Carribbean is very difficult to tell people to leave the kids at home while you go on this vacation. I think in that case, you need to be open to opposition.

My DH wouldn't even entertain the idea of going without me, It's ridiculous, especially if as a BM, they could not accomodate him. And to say they would not even TRY to make accomodations for child care? That is a bit unrealistic to think she wouldn't have any problems with guests regarding this.

I think your friend needs to think about the value of marriage much more and goodness how would she feel if she were the wife to be left home while your hubby goes hanging out in Jamaica?

I don't think the wife is being overbearring. I would do the same in her shoes. No way no how would my hubby go solo.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

They can all go but the mother and the child do not have to attend the wedding. Roger would not be going without us. Sorry. She can arrange for childcare at the hotel, it is not that hard. IF her husband to be values his friend being there and being his BM it will happen.

Re: Ladies, need your thoughts on this- should the hubby go solo and leave his wife and child at home?

For most people this is a vacation, why shoudl they go w/o their family.