**** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

First and foremost, I am really honored to have been tapped as NWOTW – thank you so much! This is so huge for me and is the biggest, most formal thing I’ve had the opportunity to do on LIW…so for real, I’m thrilled!

On Saturday, my FIL passed away. He was sick for three months with cancer. Out of respect for DHs family (they’re very private), I never posted anything here or requested any prayers. If anyone does the math you can see that he got diagnosed 2 weeks before our wedding. We actually contemplated postponing the wedding last minute. We are so thankful that we carried on and that he was able to be there and dance and smile. He was only 67.

My husband is the youngest of 5 kids and truly idolized his father. Some of you may recall from my previous posts that my MIL is no gem. She’s very difficult. Not only with me but with each of her 5 kids – it’s just the way she is. I am deeply saddened because my FIL was the most loving, warm, and inviting FIL I could have asked for. So in addition to having a broken heart from seeing my husband in such severe pain I am dealing with my own personal loss.

I’m sorry. This is not at all the first post I’d imagine having as NWOTW but it brings me to a very relevant question….

How do you best support your husband…whether it’s for a job interview, a fight with a friend/family member, or a traumatic loss…? Please try to be as specific as possible…for selfish reasons, this one will really come in handy.

MANY THANKS IN ADVANCE! And I assure you, this is therapeutic for me…having a few moments to escape to a word of slow-cookers and baby announcements and anniversary trips….I promise, I will be a really good NWOTW.

Past NWOTW

IheartDanger1023 – 1/3 – 1/9
little j – 12/27 – 1/2
JAAMS- 12/20-12/26
flibbertigibbet - 12/13 - 12/19
Becca2010 - 12/6-12/12
MerSaysEh- 11/29-12/5
Jenna_and_John - 11/22 - 11/28
Soontobecruz- 11/15-11/21
Adriansteve- 11/8-11/14
AwaitingAugust - 11/1 - 11/7
Kimbiz1-10/25-10/31
Spring143- 10/18 - 10/24
Summerbride - 10/11 - 10/17
Miamimerger - 10/4 - 10/10
MrsInglima - 9/27-10/3
eternitybride - 9/21-9/26
Jackieee - 9/14-9/20
kris_gets_hitched - 9/7-9/13
MikesBride2B 8/31-9/6
Rosalind_75 8/24-8/30
brittndave - 8/16-8/23
AngnShaun - 8/8-8/15
Clover23 - 8/2-8/7
Alyssa79 - 7/26-8/1
Lsorrent 7/19-7/25
jilliibabii - 7/11-7/18
JenBill61210 - 7/5-7/10
mosh424- 6/27-7/4
azailia - 6/20 - 6/26
ttdiff11- 6/13 - 6/19
NikkiR515 - 6/6 - 6/12
amberrenee6705 - 5/30 - 6/5
meara - 5/23-5/29
luvabul - 5/16-5/22
PROBM 5/9- 5/15
tinadansr - 5/2 - 5/8
Geegee827 - 4/25 - 5/1
Chicky724 - 4/18/10 - 4/24/10
Augustbridein09 - 4/11/10 - 4/17/10
JamDancer- 4/4/10-4/10/10
CloudNine - 3/29-4/4/10
PoppedinaSnap- 3/22/10-3/28/10
vnv126 3/15/10-3/21/10
Cacarina - 3/7/10-3/14/10
MirabellaNYC- 2/28/10-3/6/10
VickiR510 - 2/22-2/28/10
Coldasice217 - 2/15-2/21
Dreemer107 - 2/7-2/14
Summertimegal424 1/31-2/6
MrsDtoBe09 - 1/24 - 1/30
MrsJuneB2B - 1/17 - 1/23
julesrbf 1/10 - 1/16
springsandra: 1/3 - 1/9
MoochsWifey: 12/27 - 1/2
Gina409: 12/20 - 12/26
Lisa909: 12/13 - 12/29
JennyAPH: 12/7 - 12/12
GT143EA: 11/30 - 12/6
allegracristina: 11/23 - 11/29
MrsDrinkh20: 11/16- 11/22
Dazies1011: 11/9- 11/15
BarbieGrl10: 11/2- 11/8
Tomlaur0808: 10/26- 11/1
JustCindy: 10/19- 10/25
MLAngelo: 10/12-10/18
LadyDuda81509: 10/5-10/11

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your FIL passing...you and your family are in my prayers

In the time DH and I have been together both of his grandmothers have passed. These have been the only times that DH has needed my support (to be honest he doesn't really show emotion for anything else). Since we were not living together at the time, my mother and I made dinner for his family. We made something easy and re-heat-able (lasagna, bread and salad). This made it easier for them so they could do what they needed to and not worry about making a production for dinner.

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

sorry for ur DH's great loss and urs as well

DH is prone to getting depressed over the littlest and big things. he becomes just impossible to be around as he gets angry and annoyed w/the most insignificant crap.
his biggest issue I guess for the length of our relationship been his job situation.
I supported him by pushing him and bringing examples out of my own struggles w/the job market and other ppl I know. I showed him what problem I/sonmeone else had and how we approached it and handled it both emotionally and action vise. I also whenever he is esp down do an exercise where be both count what great things we have currently in our life (could be a cool new knife he got, or how cute the cats are - anything from the smallest to the biggest things goes on the 'happy/thankful for list')
HTH

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

oh heather, i'm so so so so so sorry for your loss!

please send my condolences to your husband and family.

as for support- i'm more of a joker... when someone is sad, i try and do a happy dance (where i look like a total fool)... in your situation... thats a no no.
honestly, i think silence is okay, but a touch is necessary.
when my grandfather passed, the only thing i wanted was comfort. a touch on the back, a hand held in silence, a hug... just any physical contact.

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

I am so sorry to hear for your and DH's loss

I am thankful that I haven't had to deal with any great losses in my life, but at the same time, it often makes me feel unprepared to be able to support others in this situation... that being said...

my DH lost his grandfather and his aunt while we've been together. during both instances, I just did my best to ask DH how *he* was feeling and how i could be there for him. i didn't want to push him emotionally if he wasn't ready but i didn't want to leave him alone completely, thinking i wasn't there for him. taking periodic 'temperature checks' to gauge his emotions was helpful in letting him know i supported him, no matter what he was feeling.

also, being available to help with errands, cooking, cleaning - all the little things that can seem overwhleming during a stressful time - was very helpful to him and his family.

thoughts and prayers go out to your family

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

I am SO truly sorry for your loss! My prayers are with you and your DH and his family during this hard time!

To support DH I have to just remain calm. I have to become the strong one in the relationship. I usually curl up next time him after a death, before he starts a new job, after a bad dr appointment, and talk about the good things that can happen from this and the good that has happened with that specific person.

In the industry DH is in he is constintly changed jobs. He gets very nervous before going to the next job (he's an electrican) because he is going to meet new people, not sure what the job entails, not always sure where he is going or who to speak to, etc. I just tell him it's a GREAT learning experience and he might love this job better then his last. I just have to remember to stay calm and try to think of the positive things and then remind him of them.

Good luck and again I'm SO sorry for your loss!

ETA:

Since DH and I have been together her lost his Godmother. He LOVED his Godmother and was extremely upset in her passing, especially since she lived in Arizona and he couldn't take off from work to go to the funeral. To comfort him I had him tell me some GREAT stories about her. I just asked him 'tell me a funny story about Aunt Tina' or 'tell me about her since I didn't get to know how, I want to hear all about her.' It made him feel good to remember all the good times he had with her and while she might be gone, she was still here living inside his memories.

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

i'm so sorry for your loss

DH actually started a new job today and I supported him by reminding him how lucky he is to have a new opportunity and how proud i am of his achievements.

This morning I woke up a little earlier and made him bkfast

when i lost my grandfather, we were only dating for a year, he supported me by just being there for me. he provided a shoulder for me to cry on...that was the best help.

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss... My prayers to you and your family!

Supporting DH - He just needs to know I am there. What ever is going on, how ever he is feeling... I sit with him, hold him, let him vent, talk with him, hold his hand... sometimes we will just sit there in silence as DH needs to think things through and sometimes doesn't want outside opinions. I find sometimes just shutting up helps - words aren't always the answer (which was tough for me, as I like to talk and reason everything out).While he and I talk about everything, I encourage him to seek out his BIL, a man who's been in his life for 40 years who is like a father to him...to help him see a situation more clearly (as DH will take on responsibility for everything, even when it's not his fault).

Re: **** <3 <3 <3 NWQOTD 1.10.11 <3 <3 <3****

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

DH lost his mother about a year & a half before meeting me - he was only 17, and his father was never in the picture. When we became friends, I didn't ever ask him about it. Once we were best friends, I started asking him about his mom and I learned that sometimes people just wanna talk about it but others are afraid to ask. I don't think many people would ask DH about his mom, but I did. Talking definitely helps, and that's how I've supported him through everything in our life together. We talk everything through. It sounds simple but under circumstances like this, talking really helps I think. Eventually as I grew more comfortable with talking about his mom, I started lighting a candle on her birthday, and I made DH an album filled with his pictures of her and of his childhood because he had them scattered in a box.