I recently saw the Oprah show on extreme break ups and I thought it was very interesting.
One woman in particular stood out. Her and hubby got married, bought their dream house and she was 12 weeks pregnant. They were watching television one night and she said she looked over at him and was so happy with her life - she said 'honey, we have our dream house, we're happily married and now i'm carrying our baby - we are the luckiest couple alive!' Well 1 month later he walked into their bedroom and told her he no longer loved her and was leaving her. She had a nervous breakdown and she said her while life came crumbling down over night!
Then there was another woman whose husband left her for her best friend who lives around the corner...that was just down right crazy!!!
However, as they discussed these issues on the show, I realized that some of the women were unaware of the signs that their husband was cheating. However, after everything happened, as they look back they can now see patterns and behavioral changes.
There was a psychologist on the show that said sometimes couples wait until it's too late before they come to him.
I don't really have a question, I just want to get your thoughts on this.
shamma
Posted:
Member since
Re: Marriage......
Now I am home I can respond, with a clear head, after reading everyone's response, I can say the only grounds that I would leave on is the grounds of infidelity or abuse.
The vows did say in good times and bad, in miserable times and not so miserable times etc, etc. I said to someone last night this is a society of instantaneous gratification, we are a microwave generation, we want it and we want it now. We take everything so lightly, on to the next best thing.
I think just like how we sing songs, that is how some people take vows, we know the words by heart we are just wording them but not really thinking of what it really means.
When I made my covenant/promise I made it to God and I do not plan on breaking it. I do not know where my husband will be 10, 20, 30 yrs but I promise to do my part.
This is a 100/100 plan I am in, there is no 50/50 here, and it is not dependent on him doing or acting. We should aim to be better to each other each day and be better people, not out looking for what is out there, you will find whatever it is you are looking for.
Cindy, your points were quoted for clarification and to keep the debate going. nothing personal at all.
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: Marriage......
I just wanted to add that I do agree with Stef and Shamma that many people take their marriage vows to lightly. I am sort of a bystander watching many divorces go down because I practice family law. It is quite shocking to me at times when I hear about how quickly two people got married and how easily they decided either to walk away or to engage in some sort of activity that causes the marriage to implode. I have a had time understanding how so many people can get married three, four or five times and still go through the same pattern of walking away when the going gets tough.
I just happen to think that those divorces are in a different category than the ones I spoke about earlier. So to me it is apples and oranges. Obviously you no one is going to be 100% happy all of the time and every couple hits bumps in the road. But that also doesn't mean we should have to follow our husbands to Vegas so he can become an Elvis impersonator if that is what he decides to do. (I just stole that from someone else's post and I can't remember who posted it originally).
HappyEverAfter
Posted:
Member since
Re: Marriage......
Posted by Sonicstef
So my question to you is: What if my husband wanted children (of his own) and I was unable to have them? Would it be okay if he divorced me?
I guess I will go out on a limb on this one. I dont think its OK to divorce over the fact that one person in the marriage cannot have children. However, I know a couple that discussed children before marriage, the wife knew that kids were very important to her husband. They cannot concieve naturally, and after a few heartbreaking years, the husband wanted to consider alternate routes to starting a family (ie adoption). The wife has refused, and will not try any more to have kids. Basically, the husband is left with having to give up his lifes dream of having a family of his own in order to make his marriage work. A horrible decision. Having a family is v. important to him, something that he cannot just give up just b/c his wife does not want to. Should they have discussed this before getting married? Yes. Did they? probably not. Does that mean he is a horrible person if this huge issue gets in the way of, or ends, his marriage? IMO, no.
No one can know what goes into a marriage but the two people in it. I have friends that have tried everything, and still cannot make it work-due to life, changes, fate, whatever, things changed and cannot go back to what they were. I applaud these people for working so hard, and then for realizing when to let go. It is not 'easy' to get a divorce. Many of these people have extreme courage to value their future enough to say that neither person in the marriage is happy, and in order to be happy they may not be able to be together. Its horrible, but it happens.
That said, I am a huge believer in marriage. Both my parents and ILs have been married over 30 years. I believe in my husband, and our marriage. I would not have said my vows in a church if I didnt.
