My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

shelzyp Posted: Dec 17, 2003 09:55 AM

My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

My DH and I had spoken about definitely going away for a week for our One Year Anniversary. DH's sister decided to get married in September, so we figured that it would be great, since it didn't coincide with our plans. Well she know decides to get married 4 days after our anniversary. Our anniversary lands on a Tuesday this year so we could not go away for only the weekend, becasue we would be home for our anniversary. Also DH's brother would be coming up for the week before the wedding, and the bachelor party would be that weekend.

I am so sick of everything we do having to be imitated!!! As soon as we got engaged, she starting talking about her wedding, and then she even picked a dress that I had considered. Everything we do, she has to do, the list is endless. SHe had to go away the same week we were on our honeymoon. I am so sick of having to change my plans for her, she has no consideration for us at all.

ChristineC68 Posted: Dec 17, 2003 10:07 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

That really sux. I am sorry she has to ruin so many things for you

jpsgirl Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:05 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

my sister in law asked me when we planned on having a baby, and then intentionally got pregnant the month before (and shes not even married) - I don't know why they do this, jealosy I guess?

shamma Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:16 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Hugs, sweetie, imitation is flattery. I know it cannot possibly be a nice feeling and this being an event you can't just brush off. Your anniversary will still be wonderful

TrayLu47 Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:17 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

For the sake of your own personal happiness, I'd say ignore her - what else can you do? If you confront her what would be the consequences? She'd probably say you're the one that's jealous!

Trust me, I have a similar situation with my bil's wife. Everything that we've done, they've tried to emulate, but I think you should look at it as flattery rather than annoyance. Whenever I see my sil, I just smile b/c I know where she's getting her ideas from! I don't believe in competing with other b/c I don't want to live someone elses life, I only want my own! If someone wants to copy what you are doing, then there's nothing you can do, but keep living and being the best you can be, she will have to live with her jealousy in the end, not you.

Don't let her stop your happiness, find a way around it b/c if you don't it can truly consume you after a while and I'm sure she's not worth the frustration!

Good luck! Enjoy your anniversary!

mlp924 Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:19 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Get even by having the best anniversary possible! Make plans for yourselves and stick to them. If your hubby misses the bachelorette party..oh well He's BTDT and he had better things to do

shelzyp Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:54 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

I think it also really upsets me becasue my DH doesn't understand why I am upset.

I knwo that flattery is the best compliment, but they ahve to do everything we do, and try to do it better, then they make underhanded comments. We bought a video camera, they did, and then her FH had to say how his was better, and how they got a better deal. Which it was not, since we researched it more then they did, and the digital pics they take ewith it stink!!

Then she asked to use my wedding books to tell me, well I don't want to go crazy with etiquette like you did?? What does that mean??

I usually try not to let her antics btoehr me anymore, but this has now interferred woth my plans, and my anniversary!!! I fel that since my DH's brother will be coming up from NC, and that his new niece or nephew wil be with them, that he will want to stay to see them, since they don't come up much. But I am not positive of that.

There are alot of unresolved things between SIL and myself, like how she has always been mean to be, how she dropped out of our BP (but asked us to be in hers), and the way she treats people in general is horrible, especially my DH.

Sonicstef Posted: Dec 17, 2003 11:58 AM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

This lady would drive me to drink.

The only way you can prevent her from continuing is to give her no information at all about your life. If you buy a video camera, dont tell her. If she finds out and wants to know details, tell her 'I have my sources'. Seriously, the more you tell her, the more aminution she has.

I have a theory aobut people. Some people are just 'toxic'. They like to make other people upset even if it means they have to go out of their way to do so. When you have found a toxic person, you need to shut down their air supply. Give her nothing to turn around on you.

Since she is in your family - you will have no choice but to deal with her...but that doesnt mean you have to continue in teh same patterns you have had up until now. Take control of the relationship - be a snotty beyotch that shares nothing.

shelzyp Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:15 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

If I am cold to her, she gets mad too, it is a no win situation.

And stupidly, we are building a house right next door to his parents, and she lives with them, they built an upstairs apartment for her, and I am sure she will never leave!!!

jennbaby Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:16 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Sorry. I know someone just like this, that pulls crap like this all the time I know how frustrating it can be

shamma Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:19 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Shel, I hear the frustration in your words. I wish I could offer you some answers but all I can offer is limit your time with her.

cooky11111 Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:22 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Sorry that she did that! I would not let it ruin anything though, just ignore what she is doing. Go the closest weekend you can to your ann. date. and book it!!

shelzyp Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:28 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

But tpo me the closest day to is not good enough. I am so sick of having to change my plans, or keep quite or not express my opinion because she won't like it!! She never has to change anything, everyone placates her since she is a wacko!!!!

And I have to live next to these people!!!! I must have been nuts to do this!!

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 17, 2003 12:31 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Hi.

As I am learning- dealing with the inlaws aint pretty. As the othes say- limit your time with her and DO NOT share any more unnecessary info with her.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Sonicstef Posted: Dec 17, 2003 01:04 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

So what she is mad at you? You dont even like her!

I think its hard to be cold to soemone when your natural instincts are to be nice to everyone but this women does not deserve your niceness.

curly2003 Posted: Dec 17, 2003 01:33 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

shelzyp Posted: Dec 17, 2003 01:57 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

Stef - us not talking puts everyone else on edge, becasue she is so immature about it, she will talk about me, start trouble, tell my her brother and wife things about me, to try to get them on her side. It is so childish, it is ridicoulous. My DH has asked me to just be civil with her, for his sake, and I get that it is easier for him, and the rest of the family, and I feel bad for putting him in the middle. I know I shouldn't let her pettiness and the fact that she has to copy us bother me, but I am not that great of a person. Everything bothers me, especially when it comes to her. I know that I waste too much energy on her.

yabbobay Posted: Dec 17, 2003 02:00 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

this sounds like the relationship I have with my SIL (thank goodness she is married in though) I tried ignoring her but she complained to our MIL that I was rude...so my MIL asked me to be a little nicer...so here I am sucking it up...

I say go away the weekend before upto the friday that week...

Sonicstef Posted: Dec 17, 2003 02:02 PM

Re: My SIL found a way to ruin my One Year Anniversary.

I totally feel for you.

You can still be civil and talk to her socially without giving her too much detail. But it will never be a good relationship. The only thing you can change is your own behavior and how your react to hers. If she is an idiot, she will probably never change.