Need little advice on MIL

My MIL asked DH for the list of who gave what at the wedding. DH knows and has known since well before the wedding that I don't think this is any of their business. I posted about it, and apparently its more common than I thought.
Last night DH asked me to email it to him at work so he can give it to her. I again told him what I think of the idea, but I sent it anyway.

Here's the Q
I am seeing her this weekend, do I mention it and get my 5c in, or just drop it?

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I think you should let your husband figure it out. IMO, its between her son and his mother. Getting into a confrontation with her could be messy and make you the 'bad guy'.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Mine and DHs parents have also asked who gave what. But they did it on a need to know basis. Like if they had a wedding to go to and were wondering what they gave etc.... I tihkn if you are close with your MIL then you can ask her why she wanted it and get her side of things. I don't think I would ake an issue out of it, act as if you were just curious

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Personally, I think that is rude for her to ask and feel similarly to you. But I know both parents asked us individually some questions about their freinds and families gifts (the whole curiousity and recipricating thing) so I guess there isn't much around it.

Since you already sent it to her, I would just drop it. You told DH how you felt and that is what is important. If she brings it up, I would let her know that the topic makes you uncomfortable and maybe nicely get you 5 cents in!

Re: Need little advice on MIL

To be honest, what does she even need that for? We opened all our gifts in front of my mom and dad (his parents are deceased) and didnt have a problem with it. I am extremely close with my mom and prolly would have told her anyway. My dad wanted to know basically what his friends gave because he had always treated his friends' children well at their weddings and wanted to make sure we were paid back.

I truly do not understand why your mil needs this information. My clear, cool thinking head tells you that its not a good idea as Stef said to mention anything but my irish, cant keep my mouth shut head tells you hells yeah mention it. I wouldnt be able to keep it in, it would bother me. Its up to you.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I appreciate all the advice, and I think I must have the same genes as NYCHIC because I know it is going to take a lot for me to keep my mouth shut on this....but I will keep this advice in the front of my mind

Re: Need little advice on MIL

First off, maybe it's me, but I have never heard of such a thing. Why does she want this list? I am totally lost!

My mom & my MIL never asked, we came out & told in conversation though, of some people we talked about who were there, who we hadn't seen in a while or things to that manner.

That is a personal matter, who gave you what.

What is she doing with this list Helen?

Re: Need little advice on MIL

SHE CLAIMS SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHO WAS GENEROUS AND WHO WAS CHEAP - SO HER AND FIL CAN RECIPROCATE (sp)

IMO - you get invited to a wedding and you give what YOU feel is appropriate, not what someone else gave your son

I'm getting fired up here

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Helen, I am sorry but I think what she is doing is rude

Sorry

Re: Need little advice on MIL

My MIL asks DH occasionally what her friends gave us - Mainly because she gives her friend's children the same thing that her friends gave us for the wedding I DO NOT agree with the rationale. I am, however, non-confrontational so I don't voice my opinion about it to her directly. If she wants to play 'tit-for-tat' I guess it really isn't my business.
I say do what you feel is right. I would ask her why she wants the list though -

Re: Need little advice on MIL

My MIL wants to know about every gift we get from her friends and family so she can match it when she goes to one of their events. I really don't mind. My dad asks sometimes too for the same reason.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I let my hubby deal with this.

Although everybody says 'they just want to know what they gave so they can reciprocate properly', I thought it was VERY interesting that my mother and father never asked OR my MIL. Only my FIL and his wife. So there goes THAT theory. And quite honestly I think it was just about them 'wanting to know' and it drove me nuts that we were already sharing married couple information with them after one day of being married. They asked before we even left for the honeymoon!

I let my husband deal with it though. This is one of the times when dating for 9 years prior to getting married came in handy. I already knew they would ask, and knew I wouldn’t have the patience to deal with it!!! I told him to do whatever he wanted, that I thought it was tacky and none of their business but that I would stay out of it. And that is what I did!

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I really hate that she thinks this is OK to ask for, and I am really bothered by it.
I had this conversation with DH before we were married, and I told him that I didn't want to share this information with her. It really pi$$es me off that he is giving it to her.
I don't want to fight with him, but I am really annoyed, and I will probably blow up on him (or her) about it at some point - which is why I wanted to avoid this

Re: Need little advice on MIL

My parents and my In-Laws both asked for this. They just want to make sure that they give the appropriate gift when it's their turn to give for their weddings or their childrens weddings. If you don't feel comfortable with it...I would just say so. It's your business and nobody elses....if it were anyone other than my parents...I would never share.

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I think it's wrong too - very tacky and nosey! I can totally see my FMIL doing this when we get married, so I'm preparing myself now! Helen, tell her to p i s s off! Sorry...

Re: Need little advice on MIL

May be she needs that info for the future, so if she goes to one of their their/their children weddings she knows how to reciprocate. Just a thought!

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I just hate the idea because it's PERSONAL, between you and your husband - the first of many things that you should be entitled to keep to yourselves. OOH it still makes me nuts!

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Helen, I totally understand your point. I think the best thing to do is think about whether this is indicative of her personality or whether it is a one time thing. If she is the type to always ask for personal information of this nature from you guys and if she's constantly in your business, then I would definitely say something to put her in her place. I am NOT afraid to be the bad guy when my happiness is at stake. Otherwise, you will end up blowing up at your husband and causing more problems for yourself.

However, if this is a one time request, then just give it to her and don't make any comments. It's true that lots of people use these lists as reference tools for what to give as gifts. I would never give soemone less than the norm because they were cheap with me, but I would want to make sure that I give more than the norm to someone who was generous with me at my wedding. Maybe this is what she wants to do too.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

dkga

I agree with you about this being indicative of her behaviour. If this is a once off - I am ok.
I am just concerned that this is giving her the OK to ask in the future.

I need to make sure DH makes that clear to her

otherwise I will

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Since you gave it to your husband to send, I think you should let this go. I mean, if you really, really didn't want her to have it then you and DH should have come to some decision and he should have let his mother know that she would not be getting the information. But since it is already done, it is as if you okayed the information.
I would just let this go but inform DH that she will never get this type of information again.