Re: Need little advice on MIL

Did you only give her that side of the family's list.
That is all I did. We explained to my MIL that I do not do that and that actually I wouldn't right dollar amounts down at all because I know with my side of the family that they gave whatever they could. I told her if she really needed I would give her, her side of the family's list.

We did it and it was never brought up again. Her reasoning was had attended many of her neices and nephews weddings and gave generous gifts and wanted to see if they did the same to us.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

My MIL asked for the list and I was offended at first, because I thought it was nosy and none of her business. Her reasoning was the 'so I don't look cheap in return' line of thought. I think she said she just wanted her side of the family and that's all we gave her.

Another way of looking at it - I don't think many people would think twice about answering the questions 'what did they give you?' if the answer was '2 place settings of my china or 8 crystal goblets or a sterling teapot or linens. It's just that it's cash that it seems so crass and tacky.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I wouldn't feel comfortable with such thing, and I think is not nice to ask for that sort of list. IMO people celebrate a wedding to share with their loved ones, it is unfair to measure their love or generosity for what they gave.

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I think this is a common thing. I would give her your DH's side ONLY. NO need for her to know what your people gave.
JMO

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Well, the list, as far as I know, is sent. I gave it to Dh and he knows how I felt. I was pi$$ed the day I gave it to him, told him how inappropriate I thought it was, none of her business, etc. And I said in no uncertain terms that future finacial decisions are none of her business - ie new house, car, future gifts, etc. I asked him to make her aware that I was not OK with giving it to her - which I think she may have already known, because she went to him for the info.

I let it drop then - DH knows how I feel and made his own decision to share this info with her. I didn't bring it up when I saw her yesterday, and I may ask DH in a few days if he sent it.

Thanks for the advice

Re: Need little advice on MIL

Both of our parents wanted to know if we 'did okay' but didn't ask for specific numbers. My parents wanted to know specifically what a certain relative gave, and we told them. Other than that, they really didn't pry.

I think it's normal to want to know if certain relatives 'took care of you' nicely, especially if your family has been generous to THEIR children.

So I think your situation is quite common. I understand how it really isn't any of their business though, and why you would feel upset.

In my opinion, since it's already been done, I would just let it go. I think it is more of a situation between your DH and his mom, and it's not really your place to say anything.

Before I get involved in anything I always ask myself, is this going to make the situation better or worse? If the answer is worse, I keep my mouth shut. I choose my disagreements carefully. In this case, I think mentioning your displeasure to his mother will do nothing but hurt you and your relationship with her. I'd let it go.

But that's just my 2 cents....

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I agree - I am learning to pick my battles

Re: Need little advice on MIL

I also think it is rude to ask for 'a list' of what people gave you. I would understand if they were going to a wedding of someone that went tp yours, and they wanted to know what to give in return. But to ask of that is just WRONG!!!!!
I think DH should handle this one.
Good Luck!!!!!