Need opinions ASAP

question...Ok without getting too far into it to protect the guilty involved, I need to ask a question.

How would you handle a situation where a family friend of your Dh's and his family who you have known for years and know to be a good person and NEVER disreseptecful, stepped out of line? Stepped REAL out of line in terms of getting TRASHED and making a partial move on your husband?

DH was annoyed BIUG TIME but didn't make a big deal about it because we know this person (they were all chuiildhood friends from like age 4) and know it happened just because WASTED didn't cover what they were that night and we knew that that person always harbored some unrequited feelings but they're in a relationship and before this NEVER acted out.

DH wants to forget it happened because we didn't want to case a scene at my SIL's reception and honestly Im not anhry because I know it was just a case of being very drunk. Yet at the same time I feel it should be addressed and I want to, simply because I was standing RIGHT THERE when it happened and it was a slap of disrespect across my face I feel. To make it worse, their significant other was standing next to me but didn't see it.

I know this person was drunk but dude..I have been fall on my face drunk before. you still have control to a point-you still know what rigth and wrong is and thats whats bothering me.

Am I wrong for wanting to address it and then let it go? Or should I just let it go?

It was a very physical pass...we will leave it at that.

I think the issue needs to be addressed but not by you-by your DH. The 'move' was made on him and as much as it is disrespectful towards you-he is actually the one the pass was made at-if he is fine letting it go then I would let it go.

But I think he should definitely address the situation with the guilty party regardless. I always say the truth comes out when you are drunk....

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Posted by PegaLega
I always say the truth comes out when you are drunk....

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Hell yeah it does, I was just thinkin this!!

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

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Posted by PegaLega

I think the issue needs to be addressed but not by you-by your DH. The 'move' was made on him and as much as it is disrespectful towards you-he is actually the one the pass was made at-if he is fine letting it go then I would let it go.

But I think he should definitely address the situation with the guilty party regardless. I always say the truth comes out when you are drunk....

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you read my mind

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Posted by What

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

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yeah---i agree. its hard to know what to say---i would really want to know what kind of a pass besides it being 'physical'? are we talking about like a girl grabbing your husband's junk? or rubbing against him? to me that makes a difference.

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Posted by SylvieB

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Posted by PegaLega
I always say the truth comes out when you are drunk....

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Hell yeah it does, I was just thinkin this!!

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I am with you ladies on this which is why it is bugging me.

We don't see the person often but we do see them when joint functions come up and when my SIL moves to NJ we will undoubtedly see this person more often.

I agree Peggy but the problem is he WON'T say anything. DH is the type to stick his head in the sand if he can-very non combative personality; the type that wont ask for a raise, won't speak up about unjust treatment etc.

The other portion is before this happened we were all outside and this person mentioned when we met that they 'gave me ****' seeing if I was good enough (which they did) but I got that vibe of competitivness...you know what I am talking about. The 'DID they just say waht I THINK they said' vibe, with underhanded comments.

So although the pass was made on Pete I feel it was almost a direct challenge to me and my standing because first they were passive aggressive outside in that snarky b!tchy way then the pass in front of me making no means to hide it.

ihave to think on it.

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by What

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

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yeah---i agree. its hard to know what to say---i would really want to know what kind of a pass besides it being 'physical'? are we talking about like a girl grabbing your husband's junk? or rubbing against him? to me that makes a difference.

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A handful..in front of me while I was taking a picture....

Im not a crazy jealous wife. Rubbing up, close talking, kisses on cheeks that linger too long, none of it bothers me because I know DH is oblivious and has eyes only for me. but this was a HANDFUL of a situation....

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Posted by carolinebr

how exactly would you address it? With a phone call? With a letter or email? In person? Is there an event coming up where you will see her again?

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I think I am going to address it with an email. I know the person was drunk but seriously...like you guys said, the truth comes out and they were goading me deliberately before that.

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by What

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

---

yeah---i agree. its hard to know what to say---i would really want to know what kind of a pass besides it being 'physical'? are we talking about like a girl grabbing your husband's junk? or rubbing against him? to me that makes a difference.

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A handful..in front of me while I was taking a picture....

Im not a crazy jealous wife. Rubbing up, close talking, kisses on cheeks that linger too long, none of it bothers me because I know DH is oblivious and has eyes only for me. but this was a HANDFUL of a situation....

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yeaaaaaaah----grabbing a handful....you are better than me. i dont' care how drunk someone is---i would have gone nuts. but i'm just ghetto.

sounds to me like this chick has been dying to get some handfuls for awhile and the drinks were a truth serum. whether you see her a lot or not---she wants your hubby and is probably super jealous that you have him. that sh*t don't work for me...DH had an ex-gf that he was 'friends' with when i met him. she did the whole 'giving me sh*t' thing to make sure i was 'good enough'. guess what? that heffer is loooooong gone and is no longer in our life for the past 4 yrs.

i know myself--i WOULD say something and let her know it wasn't appreciated and it will NOT be happening again.

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Posted by MJDoc12


i know myself--i WOULD say something and let her know it wasn't appreciated and it will NOT be happening again.

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Yeah, if your Dh is not going to say something- I definetly would have to!!!

It obviously bothered you. And I think if you do not address it, it will make it very awkward in the future when you see her. think if you camly address it and then forget it, you will feel much better and it will avoid any future occurances and awkwardness.

HTH!!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by What

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

---

yeah---i agree. its hard to know what to say---i would really want to know what kind of a pass besides it being 'physical'? are we talking about like a girl grabbing your husband's junk? or rubbing against him? to me that makes a difference.

---

A handful..in front of me while I was taking a picture....

Im not a crazy jealous wife. Rubbing up, close talking, kisses on cheeks that linger too long, none of it bothers me because I know DH is oblivious and has eyes only for me. but this was a HANDFUL of a situation....

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yeaaaaaaah----grabbing a handful....you are better than me. i dont' care how drunk someone is---i would have gone nuts. but i'm just ghetto.

sounds to me like this chick has been dying to get some handfuls for awhile and the drinks were a truth serum. whether you see her a lot or not---she wants your hubby and is probably super jealous that you have him. that sh*t don't work for me...DH had an ex-gf that he was 'friends' with when i met him. she did the whole 'giving me sh*t' thing to make sure i was 'good enough'. guess what? that heffer is loooooong gone and is no longer in our life for the past 4 yrs.

i know myself--i WOULD say something and let her know it wasn't appreciated and it will NOT be happening again.

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Believe me Mel, it took all my training of Miss Manners not to lose it. It helped I wasn't drinking too much or hell would have broken loose, but it was done in a 'I'm joking-but not' manner that puts you in a quandry.

We knew that this person had a thing for DH but they were like extended siblings because they all knew one another. They are his sister's best friend.

The worst part is their significant other was RIGHT next to me but looking away at the time. what happened was I noticed DH pulling away and looking akward which never happens around this individual so I interceded and we took a group shot and I was asekd to take one of the two of them so I did but it was only after the second shot (first two were blurred) that I realized what was done by the expression on DH's face.

I looked at the shot on the camera screen and went OH HELL NO!

It was done in such a way almost like those shotts when you're drunk with friends that you act inapprpriately but you're BOTH involved ansd you know you're playing. Dh was NOT playing along. I know he's embarrassed by it because he doesn't even want to bring it up.

So yea...probably just going to email.

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Posted by GinaZ

It obviously bothered you. And I think if you do not address it, it will make it very awkward in the future when you see her. think if you camly address it and then forget it, you will feel much better and it will avoid any future occurances and awkwardness.

HTH!!

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Thanks Gina. Im not jealous about it because I know that our relationship is secure. but Im pissed more for DH than me because he should address it but he really is shy and very non combative. He HATES confrontation so he will avoid it and it bugs me anyone made him feel that uncomfortable.

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Posted by SylvieB

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Posted by MJDoc12


i know myself--i WOULD say something and let her know it wasn't appreciated and it will NOT be happening again.

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Yeah, if your Dh is not going to say something- I definetly would have to!!!

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UM forget that shiit she wouldnt have made it after grabbing a handful I would have knocked her out on her azz with the quickness. Email her..then call her THEN punch her in the mouth

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by What

what kind of *move* are we talking about?

---

yeah---i agree. its hard to know what to say---i would really want to know what kind of a pass besides it being 'physical'? are we talking about like a girl grabbing your husband's junk? or rubbing against him? to me that makes a difference.

---

A handful..in front of me while I was taking a picture....

Im not a crazy jealous wife. Rubbing up, close talking, kisses on cheeks that linger too long, none of it bothers me because I know DH is oblivious and has eyes only for me. but this was a HANDFUL of a situation....

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ummm yeah def say something!! If he wont do it, then you should. That is out of line and she can't think its okay to do it again the next time. You are a mature woman, Im sure you can come up with an adult way to go about address this.

Being drunk is not an excuse for grabbing. Period.

Problem is that Pete is a quiet guy, as you have said, and you have the hot head.
In such a case, I would have a hot head too.

Does Pete realize that this group was goading you and making you feel uncomfortable ? I would be so hesitant to be in their company again, but as you mentioned, it is bound to happen in the future.
As for the drunken arse, I would not say something now, sort of let it go for the time being.
At your next meeting, you have every right to be snarky and make a comment to the effect of 'Nice to see you again. Perhaps today you can keep your hands off my husband'. With a big smile plastered on your face.

Me, I don't know what I would have done, depending upon how drunk the arse was, I might have gotten into her face. As for the significant other, what an arse too for not noticing.

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Posted by PeteysBride

So yea...probably just going to email.

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do you have a copy of the pic? cause she might pull the whole 'i don't remember that' crap--and you should email her with a copy of the pic and let her know that you didn't appreciate it, and that you know she was drunk....but she crossed a line.