question...Ok without getting too far into it to protect the guilty involved, I need to ask a question.
How would you handle a situation where a family friend of your Dh's and his family who you have known for years and know to be a good person and NEVER disreseptecful, stepped out of line? Stepped REAL out of line in terms of getting TRASHED and making a partial move on your husband?
DH was annoyed BIUG TIME but didn't make a big deal about it because we know this person (they were all chuiildhood friends from like age 4) and know it happened just because WASTED didn't cover what they were that night and we knew that that person always harbored some unrequited feelings but they're in a relationship and before this NEVER acted out.
DH wants to forget it happened because we didn't want to case a scene at my SIL's reception and honestly Im not anhry because I know it was just a case of being very drunk. Yet at the same time I feel it should be addressed and I want to, simply because I was standing RIGHT THERE when it happened and it was a slap of disrespect across my face I feel. To make it worse, their significant other was standing next to me but didn't see it.
I know this person was drunk but dude..I have been fall on my face drunk before. you still have control to a point-you still know what rigth and wrong is and thats whats bothering me.
Am I wrong for wanting to address it and then let it go? Or should I just let it go?
It was a very physical pass...we will leave it at that.
carolinebr
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I vote against email only because you KNOW she will forward it around. She might even be inclined to edit it before she forwards.
I would get her phone number and CALL her. Tell her 'now that its been a few days I was wondering if you had time to rethink the other night. As you might remember, you did a few unladylike things that I think you and I need to discuss.'
PeteysBride
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Posted by PegaLega
Posted by SylvieB
Posted by MJDoc12
i know myself--i WOULD say something and let her know it wasn't appreciated and it will NOT be happening again.
Yeah, if your Dh is not going to say something- I definetly would have to!!!
UM forget that shiit she wouldnt have made it after grabbing a handful I would have knocked her out on her azz with the quickness. Email her..then call her THEN punch her in the mouth
I think we were both in shock initially and by the time we could move to say W T HELL????????? the situation was over and the person moved to rejoin the group like nothing happened and Dh moved to glue himself to my side.
Its the shock thats the killer because some peopel yuo expect certain behaviors from but this individual NEVER acts out. ALWAYS does the right thing, super duper polite, etc.
Alchohol is demon juice!
GinaZ
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Posted by PeteysBride
Posted by GinaZ
It obviously bothered you. And I think if you do not address it, it will make it very awkward in the future when you see her. think if you camly address it and then forget it, you will feel much better and it will avoid any future occurances and awkwardness.
HTH!!
Thanks Gina. Im not jealous about it because I know that our relationship is secure. but Im pissed more for DH than me because he should address it but he really is shy and very non combative. He HATES confrontation so he will avoid it and it bugs me anyone made him feel that uncomfortable.
I would feel the same way! And its probably really awkward for him. Your email idea will probably be a good way to confront the situation! Its very tasteless that she did that- drunk or not.
davenjess
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I think it definitely needs to be addressed and then left alone.
If it were me, i'd feel regret for NOT saying anything...and i don't like having regret....
davenjess
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Posted by PeteysBride
Posted by GinaZ
It obviously bothered you. And I think if you do not address it, it will make it very awkward in the future when you see her. think if you camly address it and then forget it, you will feel much better and it will avoid any future occurances and awkwardness.
HTH!!
Thanks Gina. Im not jealous about it because I know that our relationship is secure. but Im pissed more for DH than me because he should address it but he really is shy and very non combative. He HATES confrontation so he will avoid it and it bugs me anyone made him feel that uncomfortable.
Dave is the SAME way.....he avoids confrontation like the plague...but in some situations, it's necessary.
Dee606
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I would not sit back on this one. She has nerve & who is she to 'test' if you are good enough??
I would bring it up but not in an email where she has time to think of a reply & you do not get to see her expression. I would either wait until I see her in person again or if that will take too long, call her on the phone.
Does your SIL know about this? Are the two of you close?
Aug07OFCbride
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i really do feel that in this case it is your DH's responsibility to address it as your husband, bc it (im assuming) made him uncomfortable and most of all was COMPLETELY disrespectful to you!!! 'i know you'd been drinking but that was really inappropriate and blatantly disrespectful to my wife who i love' type of thing. I know you said he wont address it, but maybe if you talk to him more about it and how you feel about it?? i dunno. if not, i guess you could always address it by email, but i still think it sounds/looks much better for HIM to take the bull by the horns to address it and say NO its not ok, bc she did it to him (even if it was meant to hurt you). if it doesnt come from him, and just from you, i think it doesnt send as strong of a message. it says to her that YOU don't appreciate it, but what does it say about how he felt about it? if he has no response at all, she may not think he had a problem with it. i dunno.
...does that make sense??
GL! thats so ridiculously rude and inappropriate that someone would do that!
Dee606
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just wanted to add that if you do not say anything now, the first time that this happened.. she will probably do it again & see how long she can get away with it.
PeteysBride
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Posted by carolinebr
I vote against email only because you KNOW she will forward it around. She might even be inclined to edit it before she forwards.
I would get her phone number and CALL her. Tell her 'now that its been a few days I was wondering if you had time to rethink the other night. As you might remember, you did a few unladylike things that I think you and I need to discuss.'
Yea I agree with you. I am afraid of email now that I think about it because you're right. it can be changed. The issue here is its a very..charged situation. -sighs- I ahve to eb careful what i say because things ebign as they are it could be misconstrued REAl quick and turned into somethign uglier that would cause major divisions which is why i think DH wants to forget it-he doesn't want issues with his sister and lines drawn in the sand because its her friend.
I see it as I don't care WHAT politics you want to bring into it, it was out of line.
Susi you're right. I am a queen among hot heads so trying to just take a day and see how I feel. Part of me wnats to let it go to keep it from becomign a huge issue but like we all said, alchohol acts like a truth serum and I was baited.
DH does know I was baited becacuse I mentioned it and he got really upset but because he can't bring himself to speak up, it just amkes it mroe tense so i dropped it.
What is most upsetting is if the situation were reversed, the person would find themselves on the floro because DH would have been pissed. But because its a friend of his sister's who hes know forever he hesitated.
Just a crap situation.
Thanks for the thoughts and advice girls.
PeteysBride
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Posted by davenjess
Posted by PeteysBride
Posted by GinaZ
It obviously bothered you. And I think if you do not address it, it will make it very awkward in the future when you see her. think if you camly address it and then forget it, you will feel much better and it will avoid any future occurances and awkwardness.
HTH!!
Thanks Gina. Im not jealous about it because I know that our relationship is secure. but Im pissed more for DH than me because he should address it but he really is shy and very non combative. He HATES confrontation so he will avoid it and it bugs me anyone made him feel that uncomfortable.
Dave is the SAME way.....he avoids confrontation like the plague...but in some situations, it's necessary.
EXACTLY. If it is to defend me he jumps on it quickly but to defend himself unless in a serious fight he will back off and play it cool.
PeteysBride
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Posted by Dee606
just wanted to add that if you do not say anything now, the first time that this happened.. she will probably do it again & see how long she can get away with it.
I agree...thats why I don't want to let it go...Its just a mess.
LoveRocks
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I went through something similar last year and my biggest regret is not addressing it immediately or very shortly after it happened. I was trying to be nice and not make problems, but keeping quiet has made it so much worse. I would call the offender and get it over with and out there.
thelastresort
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I'm going to go against the grain and say just let it go.
I've been in this situation before myself so I know how you feel.
While it's totally inappropriate and disrespectful, chances are she won't remember what happened if she was as drunk as you said she was. Confronting her will just cause further awkwardness and embarassment for all involved. Since she probably won't have any idea what you are talking about, it will just serve to aggravate YOU more and you don't need that.
From your OP it sounds like this behavior totally came from left field. In my experience, my wanting to deal with issues that my non-confrontational DH won't deal with causes friction between us also. I would just let it go and save yourself the headache. (If it happens again, that's a totally different story.) That's JMO.
MrsQ-in2007
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Dee606
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I mean, when it comes to your husband, kids, parents you have to do what you feel is right to protect them & your relationship. As long as you start off calmly & continue in a mature way.. saying that you understand that she was drunk but you noticed what she did at the wedding & you do not appreciate it & neither did DH
PeteysBride
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Thanks ladies.
I think i am going to try and let it go for now because I just spoke to DH and he's really upset over it and I think pushing it further will just make it worse between us and there shouldn't be any issues when its that idot's fault.
BUT if we do come across paths again, I will bring it up because I think since its not a friend of mine or even of Pete's but his sister's friend, it would cause too many issues to get their info through 3rd parties.
It may be a little 'too late' at that point but it needs to be said and I do ahve the photograph. i won't make a huge deal out of it but I feel I need to address it because had it been just the garbbing, ok, BUT they also goaded em previous to it in the night a few times with snarky undehanded comments so I do not feel it was a totally isolated event.
So yea.
Thanks for your help ladies.
SusiBtoM
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Jenn, if it happens again, you have every right to knock this drunken arse to the floor. Make sure you have some good heavy rings on your punching hand.
That would be the last time you ever see this particular couple again. It is regretable that a long standing friendship would have to end, and SIL will just have to understand that the underhanded comments by the group as a whole make BOTH you and Pete quite uncomfortable. When things start to get physical, that is not ok behavior, especially amongst adults.
There have been some situations at Mike's job that have made me and some of the other wives quite uncomfortable and we have each spoken to our husbands to let them know how we feel. My darling husband had no idea that what he considers to be 'innocent flirting' (not by him) was not so innocent in my eyes, not in the eyes of the other wives.
xXxNovember08xXx
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good luck....
eventually i feel somethign withthis person MAY happen again... its like the cat was let out of the bag...
if she gets CLOSE again.. or out of line i woudl def use that time to bring up everything.. in front of DH or not...
thats just me.
good luck
MrsQ-in2007
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Posted by PeteysBride
Thanks ladies.
I think i am going to try and let it go for now because I just spoke to DH and he's really upset over it and I think pushing it further will just make it worse between us and there shouldn't be any issues when its that idot's fault.
BUT if we do come across paths again, I will bring it up because I think since its not a friend of mine or even of Pete's but his sister's friend, it would cause too many issues to get their info through 3rd parties.
It may be a little 'too late' at that point but it needs to be said and I do ahve the photograph. i won't make a huge deal out of it but I feel I need to address it because had it been just the garbbing, ok, BUT they also goaded em previous to it in the night a few times with snarky undehanded comments so I do not feel it was a totally isolated event.
So yea.
Thanks for your help ladies.
Jenn, I think this sounds like a good idea. Also, if you and Pete bring it up next time you all get together, it might be a 'ligther' way of addressing it so that Pete feels more comfortable about it, you know? Maybe just say, 'so did you all have as much fun as we did at the wedding? I mean, I know YOU did since you grabbed Pete's package, but how about everyone else' ... and if you get a 'huh what' response, you or Pete can just say 'yeah, when you grabbed his package - by the way, that was soooo not cool and really, don't ever let it happen again'. You get the idea.
MJDoc12
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Posted by xXxNovember08xXx
good luck....
eventually i feel somethign withthis person MAY happen again... its like the cat was let out of the bag...
if she gets CLOSE again.. or out of line i woudl def use that time to bring up everything.. in front of DH or not...
thats just me.
good luck
Yeah me thinks that she might see your hubby's passiveness with the situation mean he didn't mind the handful of grabbing...and she might try it again when she's feeling 'tipsy' thinking that he liked it.
I hope it doesn't happen--but i'd stay Faaaaaaar away from them again. good luck with it
