Need some newlywed advice

Girls I need help! I've been kind of depressed lately about this. Sometimes I feel as if DH doesn't appreciate me. I know its kind of stupid..but he hardly ever compliments me or does cute little romantic things. I almost feel like I'm not beautiful as I once was to him, and it makes me feel like crap. And lately I feel as if our life in the bedroom isn't as exciting as it once was (mainly because its not as frequent). Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like they are in a rut from time to time? What can I do about it?

You are not alone, i feel like this sometimes too.

why don't you have a date, night get dressed up nicely, you can talk about it over dinner!!

I bet your DH will tell u how crazy he is about you!

you are SO not the only one!! i feel like we go through lulls in our bedroom as well its totally normal though.

as far as feeling like he doesnt appreciate you... i agree with the poster before me that said you should plan a date night, or just make dinner @ home and get all dolled up.... i think sometimes relationships just need a surprise twist or turn in the road to get things where he/she wants it, ya know?

if it is something that is SERIOUSLY damaging your self image, then i would DEF have a discussion with DH about it!! say it in a nice way so it doesnt turn into a fight.

sometimes i feel like DH doesnt appreciate all the work i do around the house... like i feel like sometimes he is so quick to come out with what i dont do, rather than what i do... but ll he needs is a swift kick and a friendly reminder by ME that i bust my asss with the cleaning, laundry and cooking (even though i cant cook all that many meals lol) after i remind him of that, he comes to his senses and knows he acted like a fool

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Posted by Browneyesncute

You are not alone, i feel like this sometimes too.

why don't you have a date, night get dressed up nicely, you can talk about it over dinner!!

I bet your DH will tell u how crazy he is about you!

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thats a good idea..we never go out to dinner anymore..we just need to do something..We're in such a rut

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by Browneyesncute

You are not alone, i feel like this sometimes too.

why don't you have a date, night get dressed up nicely, you can talk about it over dinner!!

I bet your DH will tell u how crazy he is about you!

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thats a good idea..we never go out to dinner anymore..we just need to do something..We're in such a rut

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OR you can buy sexy lingere and surprise him!!!

I am feeling like that too. With the fact that ive gained weight and feeling blah about myself, i just dont feel desireable . It also S*CKS bc sometimes you have so many outside things that make you feel this way too and stresses you out. WIth so much going on, whether its bad things, us quickly trying to move, me getting a job and trying to do everything by january, with dh having sick family members, with trying to finish everything with my apartment, I get overwhelmed and just cant wait until all these things are done with. I focus too much on this and let it get to me.

Its funny bc on friday dh and I went out, and usually I dont drink and am the designated driver but he said he will drive and wont drink, usually my limit is 3, I cant handle liquor lol so i had 3 at the restaurant but when i got home i drank more as we watched a movie. I thought i had 2 more but dh said more like 3-4 more which is ALOT for me. SOmehow we got into a fight and i honestly dont even remember how it started or remember the fight lol. All I do remember is dh getting up and saying he is going to bed and he was mad at me and said something to me, and what he said when he got up is all i remembered. THe next morning i woke up and had to shower and leave early to go to the dentist and he was still sleeping. I ran errands after and then came home and hadn't spoken to dh yet. When i got home he apologized for what he said, and about the whole fight and handed me a gift, he went out and bought something. He hasnt done that in a while, he used to always do it. But then i said, i dont really remember the fight, what was it about and he started telling me, then he stopped and looked at me and was like 'you seriously dont remember' he probably thought, great i could've just kept my mouth shut lol. But I felt bad bc i realized things i was doing too. I opened up alot and just said what ive been feeling. It had nothing to even do with him but just how ive been feeling about myself and keeping inside. It really helped out to talk about it, so although i dont remember the fight from the night before lol, it was good in a way bc i tend to deal with problems on my own so i dont burden anybody with them and try to solve everything myself which isnt the best way. I would just be open with him and say exactly how youre feeling, sometimes we have so many other outside things in our lives going on and we are so busy focusing on those things that we dont realize other things were doing or not doing.

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Posted by TM2008



you are SO not the only one!! i feel like we go through lulls in our bedroom as well its totally normal though.

as far as feeling like he doesnt appreciate you... i agree with the poster before me that said you should plan a date night, or just make dinner @ home and get all dolled up.... i think sometimes relationships just need a surprise twist or turn in the road to get things where he/she wants it, ya know?

if it is something that is SERIOUSLY damaging your self image, then i would DEF have a discussion with DH about it!! say it in a nice way so it doesnt turn into a fight.

sometimes i feel like DH doesnt appreciate all the work i do around the house... like i feel like sometimes he is so quick to come out with what i dont do, rather than what i do... but ll he needs is a swift kick and a friendly reminder by ME that i bust my asss with the cleaning, laundry and cooking (even though i cant cook all that many meals lol) after i remind him of that, he comes to his senses and knows he acted like a fool

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The problem is every weekend I've been trying to look all nice and put makeup on (I don't wear much usually) but sometimes he doesn't say a thing! And I know what you mean about Household chores..I feel like I do everything..and I get nothing in return or even a simple 'thanks'. It frustrates the heck out of me

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Posted by TM2008

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by Browneyesncute

You are not alone, i feel like this sometimes too.

why don't you have a date, night get dressed up nicely, you can talk about it over dinner!!

I bet your DH will tell u how crazy he is about you!

---

thats a good idea..we never go out to dinner anymore..we just need to do something..We're in such a rut

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OR you can buy sexy lingere and surprise him!!!

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thats a good idea! thanks! maybe thats part of it..I haven't done much about it either..lingerie could definately help! I'm embarrased to say that the last time I wore it was on our honeymoon!!!!

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008


thats a good idea! thanks! maybe thats part of it..I haven't done much about it either..lingerie could definately help! I'm embarrased to say that the last time I wore it was on our honeymoon!!!!

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OMG the last time i did was WAYYYY before our honeymoon lol

i only have like 3 pairs and every time i want to buy more i'm totally broke at that point in time

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Posted by Espo22

I am feeling like that too. With the fact that ive gained weight and feeling blah about myself, i just dont feel desireable . It also S*CKS bc sometimes you have so many outside things that make you feel this way too and stresses you out. WIth so much going on, whether its bad things, us quickly trying to move, me getting a job and trying to do everything by january, with dh having sick family members, with trying to finish everything with my apartment, I get overwhelmed and just cant wait until all these things are done with. I focus too much on this and let it get to me.

Its funny bc on friday dh and I went out, and usually I dont drink and am the designated driver but he said he will drive and wont drink, usually my limit is 3, I cant handle liquor lol so i had 3 at the restaurant but when i got home i drank more as we watched a movie. I thought i had 2 more but dh said more like 3-4 more which is ALOT for me. SOmehow we got into a fight and i honestly dont even remember how it started or remember the fight lol. All I do remember is dh getting up and saying he is going to bed and he was mad at me and said something to me, and what he said when he got up is all i remembered. THe next morning i woke up and had to shower and leave early to go to the dentist and he was still sleeping. I ran errands after and then came home and hadn't spoken to dh yet. When i got home he apologized for what he said, and about the whole fight and handed me a gift, he went out and bought something. He hasnt done that in a while, he used to always do it. But then i said, i dont really remember the fight, what was it about and he started telling me, then he stopped and looked at me and was like 'you seriously dont remember' he probably thought, great i could've just kept my mouth shut lol. But I felt bad bc i realized things i was doing too. I opened up alot and just said what ive been feeling. It had nothing to even do with him but just how ive been feeling about myself and keeping inside. It really helped out to talk about it, so although i dont remember the fight from the night before lol, it was good in a way bc i tend to deal with problems on my own so i dont burden anybody with them and try to solve everything myself which isnt the best way. I would just be open with him and say exactly how youre feeling, sometimes we have so many other outside things in our lives going on and we are so busy focusing on those things that we dont realize other things were doing or not doing.

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thats very true.. I have a lot of stressors right now too, so that certainly doesn't help! I we have little fights all of the time about everything..now I really understand what everyone meant when they said 'the first year is the hardest' I just wish sometimes he could be like wow you look great..especially when I go to the trouble of straightening my hair or putting a lot of makeup on.

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by Espo22

I am feeling like that too. With the fact that ive gained weight and feeling blah about myself, i just dont feel desireable . It also S*CKS bc sometimes you have so many outside things that make you feel this way too and stresses you out. WIth so much going on, whether its bad things, us quickly trying to move, me getting a job and trying to do everything by january, with dh having sick family members, with trying to finish everything with my apartment, I get overwhelmed and just cant wait until all these things are done with. I focus too much on this and let it get to me.

Its funny bc on friday dh and I went out, and usually I dont drink and am the designated driver but he said he will drive and wont drink, usually my limit is 3, I cant handle liquor lol so i had 3 at the restaurant but when i got home i drank more as we watched a movie. I thought i had 2 more but dh said more like 3-4 more which is ALOT for me. SOmehow we got into a fight and i honestly dont even remember how it started or remember the fight lol. All I do remember is dh getting up and saying he is going to bed and he was mad at me and said something to me, and what he said when he got up is all i remembered. THe next morning i woke up and had to shower and leave early to go to the dentist and he was still sleeping. I ran errands after and then came home and hadn't spoken to dh yet. When i got home he apologized for what he said, and about the whole fight and handed me a gift, he went out and bought something. He hasnt done that in a while, he used to always do it. But then i said, i dont really remember the fight, what was it about and he started telling me, then he stopped and looked at me and was like 'you seriously dont remember' he probably thought, great i could've just kept my mouth shut lol. But I felt bad bc i realized things i was doing too. I opened up alot and just said what ive been feeling. It had nothing to even do with him but just how ive been feeling about myself and keeping inside. It really helped out to talk about it, so although i dont remember the fight from the night before lol, it was good in a way bc i tend to deal with problems on my own so i dont burden anybody with them and try to solve everything myself which isnt the best way. I would just be open with him and say exactly how youre feeling, sometimes we have so many other outside things in our lives going on and we are so busy focusing on those things that we dont realize other things were doing or not doing.

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thats very true.. I have a lot of stressors right now too, so that certainly doesn't help! I we have little fights all of the time about everything..now I really understand what everyone meant when they said 'the first year is the hardest' I just wish sometimes he could be like wow you look great..especially when I go to the trouble of straightening my hair or putting a lot of makeup on.

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yeah doesnt help when you are stressing about so many other things. Both of us are very stressed out right now and just frustrated with other things going on. Its sad bc its not like even personal problems with eachother but its hard to not let things get you down so i feel that takes away from our relationship at times. Like he'll be sad or upset about something and obviously that will bring his mood down. Or I am upset with my situation and feeling down about myself so i let that get to me too.

I would just sit him down and tell him all these things. Some guys have the philosophy that if they are with you and theylove you and especially married you, that you know already how they feel about you and that they love how you look. But I think sometimes guys dont realize that as women we have to hear it too.

Kristin compeletely normal. I think everyday life just takes over and sometimes you both forget to stop for a minute and say thank you.

As for the other thing...have your Fedali video playing when he gets home

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by Espo22

I am feeling like that too. With the fact that ive gained weight and feeling blah about myself, i just dont feel desireable . It also S*CKS bc sometimes you have so many outside things that make you feel this way too and stresses you out. WIth so much going on, whether its bad things, us quickly trying to move, me getting a job and trying to do everything by january, with dh having sick family members, with trying to finish everything with my apartment, I get overwhelmed and just cant wait until all these things are done with. I focus too much on this and let it get to me.

Its funny bc on friday dh and I went out, and usually I dont drink and am the designated driver but he said he will drive and wont drink, usually my limit is 3, I cant handle liquor lol so i had 3 at the restaurant but when i got home i drank more as we watched a movie. I thought i had 2 more but dh said more like 3-4 more which is ALOT for me. SOmehow we got into a fight and i honestly dont even remember how it started or remember the fight lol. All I do remember is dh getting up and saying he is going to bed and he was mad at me and said something to me, and what he said when he got up is all i remembered. THe next morning i woke up and had to shower and leave early to go to the dentist and he was still sleeping. I ran errands after and then came home and hadn't spoken to dh yet. When i got home he apologized for what he said, and about the whole fight and handed me a gift, he went out and bought something. He hasnt done that in a while, he used to always do it. But then i said, i dont really remember the fight, what was it about and he started telling me, then he stopped and looked at me and was like 'you seriously dont remember' he probably thought, great i could've just kept my mouth shut lol. But I felt bad bc i realized things i was doing too. I opened up alot and just said what ive been feeling. It had nothing to even do with him but just how ive been feeling about myself and keeping inside. It really helped out to talk about it, so although i dont remember the fight from the night before lol, it was good in a way bc i tend to deal with problems on my own so i dont burden anybody with them and try to solve everything myself which isnt the best way. I would just be open with him and say exactly how youre feeling, sometimes we have so many other outside things in our lives going on and we are so busy focusing on those things that we dont realize other things were doing or not doing.

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thats very true.. I have a lot of stressors right now too, so that certainly doesn't help! I we have little fights all of the time about everything..now I really understand what everyone meant when they said 'the first year is the hardest' I just wish sometimes he could be like wow you look great..especially when I go to the trouble of straightening my hair or putting a lot of makeup on.

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yeah doesnt help when you are stressing about so many other things. Both of us are very stressed out right now and just frustrated with other things going on. Its sad bc its not like even personal problems with eachother but its hard to not let things get you down so i feel that takes away from our relationship at times. Like he'll be sad or upset about something and obviously that will bring his mood down. Or I am upset with my situation and feeling down about myself so i let that get to me too.

I would just sit him down and tell him all these things. Some guys have the philosophy that if they are with you and theylove you and especially married you, that you know already how they feel about you and that they love how you look. But I think sometimes guys dont realize that as women we have to hear it too.

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I talked to him a little bit last night about it..and i think he felt bad..I found a cute little note on the table this morning when I woke up (he leaves before me) but I think tonight we need a more in depth discussion. thankyou..I appreciate all of your advice

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Posted by anneandchris

Kristin compeletely normal. I think everyday life just takes over and sometimes you both forget to stop for a minute and say thank you.

As for the other thing...have your Fedali video playing when he gets home

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lol I totally didn't think of that! Maybe I'll stick in the dvd player so its on the tv when he walks in the door!!

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

I would just sit him down and tell him all these things. Some guys have the philosophy that if they are with you and theylove you and especially married you, that you know already how they feel about you and that they love how you look. But I think sometimes guys dont realize that as women we have to hear it too.

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I talked to him a little bit last night about it..and i think he felt bad..I found a cute little note on the table this morning when I woke up (he leaves before me) but I think tonight we need a more in depth discussion. thankyou..I appreciate all of your advice

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awwww that is a great sign that he did that. Seems like he didnt realize you were feeling this way and he probably just thought that hey you know how he feels about you and didnt have to say anything, sometimes they dont understand lol. But the fact that he listened to what you said and did something about it shows that he realizes now that maybe you do need to hear it more often and he has been lacking and whats to change and do things to make you feel better.

I agree on the date night... but I'd have a talk before. I think a date night should just be a date night and enjoying each other... not talk about problems.

I'd talk to him as soon as possible. You'd be surprised, maybe he's stressed too. It could be family or work etc... that he hasn't mentioned.

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Posted by Autumn08

I agree on the date night... but I'd have a talk before. I think a date night should just be a date night and enjoying each other... not talk about problems.

I'd talk to him as soon as possible. You'd be surprised, maybe he's stressed too. It could be family or work etc... that he hasn't mentioned.

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thanks! I need to schedule a date night ASAP! lol we haven't done one in sooooo long..maybe thats part of the problem!

I totally know what you mean about the sexual stuff rut! Although, with us, I am not so sure it's a rut... seems like we never had a time where it was sex ALL the time... DH is definitely not a typical male where he wants it all the time, that is for sure!!! I have learned that I can't always feel bad about it if I am not doing anything on my end you know? This past weekend, I geared myself up, went upstairs, put on a sexy little piece of lingerie (one from my b-pics, actually) and came back down the stairs. Well, that perked him right up I sometimes like wait for him to initiate things and forget that I can do it, too!

I would definitely say to put your Fedali video on! I am jealous - my b-pics didn't have a video option!! Light some candles, put something sexy on and see what happens I also agree with the date night thing! DH and I haven't had a date night in a long time! We're supposed to have one this weekend but we'll see!