Need some newlywed advice

You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I make the effort and it isn't returned. I feel like we're comfortable. I know there are ups and downs in any relationships but we haven't been as in sync lately as we usually are. I know a lot of that is that we both started new jobs right after the wedding so I'm hoping that things settle down after the holidays. It feels like he's been so impatient with me lately. I'm trying to just deal with it because I know it's just a phase but I know what you mean-it's not easy.

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Posted by RisiLeigh

I totally know what you mean about the sexual stuff rut! Although, with us, I am not so sure it's a rut... seems like we never had a time where it was sex ALL the time... DH is definitely not a typical male where he wants it all the time, that is for sure!!! I have learned that I can't always feel bad about it if I am not doing anything on my end you know? This past weekend, I geared myself up, went upstairs, put on a sexy little piece of lingerie (one from my b-pics, actually) and came back down the stairs. Well, that perked him right up I sometimes like wait for him to initiate things and forget that I can do it, too!

I would definitely say to put your Fedali video on! I am jealous - my b-pics didn't have a video option!! Light some candles, put something sexy on and see what happens I also agree with the date night thing! DH and I haven't had a date night in a long time! We're supposed to have one this weekend but we'll see!

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Your absolutely right! I'm probably at fault too! The last time I wore lingerie was on our honeymoon (for gods sake! lol,,its pathetic) but I know exactly what your saying..that would definately probably help the situation! and yes that fedali video needs to resurface!! lol its been tucked away for too long!

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Posted by Cutechef729

You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I make the effort and it isn't returned. I feel like we're comfortable. I know there are ups and downs in any relationships but we haven't been as in sync lately as we usually are. I know a lot of that is that we both started new jobs right after the wedding so I'm hoping that things settle down after the holidays. It feels like he's been so impatient with me lately. I'm trying to just deal with it because I know it's just a phase but I know what you mean-it's not easy.

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thankyou! You know I never took the holidays into account..they are stressful in themselves..so maybe thats to blame!

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by Cutechef729

You are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I make the effort and it isn't returned. I feel like we're comfortable. I know there are ups and downs in any relationships but we haven't been as in sync lately as we usually are. I know a lot of that is that we both started new jobs right after the wedding so I'm hoping that things settle down after the holidays. It feels like he's been so impatient with me lately. I'm trying to just deal with it because I know it's just a phase but I know what you mean-it's not easy.

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thankyou! You know I never took the holidays into account..they are stressful in themselves..so maybe thats to blame!

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I feel like there's so much pressure to be happy and for everything to be perfect this time of year and that adds to it too. It's nice to know it's not just me though.

I think the pressures of what we think newlywed life is 'supposed' to be combined with the business and stress of the holiday season - and anything else going on in your life - can certainly make these feelings worse.

DH and I got to the point where we hardly saw each other it seemed, so each week we set aside one weeknight that is JUST US - we go out or stay in and get takeout/movie - we basically just do something special for us and we cannot break the date (barring anything crazy) and we found that it helps us stay better connected when things get stressful.

You are definitely not alone!

if its any consolation we just had a very similiar conversation last week. he agreed that we are in a little bit of rut. but there is so much going on with the holidays and we both have different schedules. we just need to make it a point of spending more 'quality time' together. that doesn't mean a big night on the town. it could be something simple as a romonatic dinner at home & watching a movie or going for sunday brunch.

Everybody i know says the first year is the hardest. it doesn't matter if you lived together. you have more pressures on you to get a house, to have kids, to meet family obligations etc.. sometimes its just overwhelming.

i am sure you just need a little heart to heart with DH. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves why we got married in the first place

At our engagement party, my dad made a speech about a scene from Parenthood with Steve Martin. It was about being ona rollercoaster and going through the ups and downs together.

Be honest and open with your honey. Let him know how you feel. Light some candles and sit and talk, or look at some funny wedding pictures and talk about fun things.

I'm such a sap, but lately I realized the one reason why I married my honey, he's THE ONLY ONE I'd take that ride with for life!

P.S. don't feel bad or embarrassed about posting your feelings on here, b/c as you can see, there are A LOT of people that are feeling the same way!

i just yelled at dh and accused him of loving the cat more than me b/c he actually goes over and pets her and talks to her like she's the best thing on earth, where i barely get a kiss hello.

so no, you are definitely not alone.

Everyone gets in a rut or feels this way from time to time. Unfortunately life gets in the way sometimes and there are many factors that are involved...work, stress, health, holidays. It happens to all us. Pick a day and make time for you two. You will feel so much better afterwards

i feel the same, and I am sure he does to...in our case we work and go to school. I get home around 11:30 p.m. have dinner (i know i know its late) and we watch tv...we are drained. Maybe he's tired? Have you thought of spicing things up with any game boards, dressing sexy and waiting for him? I am really waiting for finals to be over to start paying attention to us bc its really hard at the moment.

P.S. ur a very beautiful sexy young lady, I am sure your DH thinks so too.

communication!!! TELL HIM everything u just told us, exactly how u just told us! I gaurantee if u really sit down & tell him from ur heart - that he'll get it. Don't let him get away with laughing it off or saying that it's silly..really tell him. Men aren't mind readers, and i'm sure if he knew u really felt this way he would make an effort to make sure you don't. Maybe not right away, but once he thinks about it for a day or two i bet he'll come around My mom just bought dh & i 'The Love Dare' for our anniversary...it's an amazing book. It is christian based, so it has some scripture in it if u're open to that...but it really is an awesome read & gives husbands & wives some new perspective. I reccommend each getting ur own since there's spots to write in it even if u're not a reader - it's so easy...u pretty much just read a little 2page exerpt a day

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Posted by Browneyesncute

You are not alone, i feel like this sometimes too.

why don't you have a date, night get dressed up nicely, you can talk about it over dinner!!

I bet your DH will tell u how crazy he is about you!

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You are not alone!!!

I mentioned 'date night' to DH and he laughed and thought it was the cutest thing. We get ready to go, look outside and it was snowing and really cold. We didnt go but we might this weekend (movies/dinner).

ps: honestly - i wouldn't do it on a date night. Talk about it at home....THEN go on a date u want ur date night to be enjoyable, happy, casual/fun talk...sometimes i feel bringing up something serious brings a different mood to the night..with the 'why are u bringing this up now/can't we have a good time' convo...
if u talk about it a few days before I bet he'll treat u like a goddess come time to go out & ur night will be that much more special!

We did talk about it.. because things have gotten very routine in the past few months.. mainly because of stress of planning and working through the wedding.

But we did decide that we need time for ourselves and for each other... with out the family and friends around. We should be enjoying the first year as newlyweds!

Talk it out and make some fun plans together!!!!

As a PP mentioned communication is key. I look at my DH not just as my DH but as my BFF. Unfortunately, I used to take a while to say when things were bothering me and I would just blow up one day by crying, and he couldnt understand what was wrong. I realized that by me telling him when I didnt feel appreciated at least he had the opportunity to do something about it. DH and I have two date nights. One is friday night were we ALWAYS go out to dinner, Even if it's to get pizza but we go. We also have an unofficial 'family day' on Sunday afternoon- that's the day where we go food shopping, do laundry, go shopping etc. I have come to appreciate those two days soooo much since I am back in school and by the time I get home to cook and clean I am pooped. Men are not like us and many times they dont realize that they dont give us as many compliments or 'thank yous' as they should/or we would want.

You are definitely not alone and things will get better once you let him know how you feel.

I think situations like this (especially when you've been with someone so long) are common. The good news is, you realized that there is a lull and now you can do something to fix it.

The last time this happened, i went out of my way to surprise DH with different things. Once night I cooked in lingerie, another night when he came home from work I was 'waiting' for him in bed... I also stopped wearing dingy sweats to bed and bought some cute, comfy pj's. It really helped.

And about feeling unappreciated, you should tell him. Just sit him down and tell him all the things you LOVE that he does or did. 'I love when you used to rub my back' or 'i love when you kiss my forehead, it makes me feel good'. The minute you say, 'you don't do this and you don't do that', he's going to get defensive.

Question: Did you ever read 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'?

Aww hun - you are not alone.

I definitely felt like DH was really gaga over me when we first met. He is still sappy but just not as much. I am still the same and give compliments on a daily basis - and because I really mean them. I try to do little things every once in awhile to show my love, rather than just by saying 'I love you'

Anyway, sometimes I wish I could write a book for men 'how to keep your wife happy'

Tell her she is beautiful at least once a week
Buy her flowers randomly
Write her small notes
Always buy a card for her bday AND write a sweet note in it
Etc, etc

Anyway - I am sorry you feel this way, but you are not alone.

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Posted by yelley77

I think situations like this (especially when you've been with someone so long) are common. The good news is, you realized that there is a lull and now you can do something to fix it.

The last time this happened, i went out of my way to surprise DH with different things. Once night I cooked in lingerie, another night when he came home from work I was 'waiting' for him in bed... I also stopped wearing dingy sweats to bed and bought some cute, comfy pj's. It really helped.

And about feeling unappreciated, you should tell him. Just sit him down and tell him all the things you LOVE that he does or did. 'I love when you used to rub my back' or 'i love when you kiss my forehead, it makes me feel good'. The minute you say, 'you don't do this and you don't do that', he's going to get defensive.

Question: Did you ever read 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'?

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No I never have..I guess its something I should pick up!? and thanks so much girls! Its comforting to know that you are all going through similiar situations

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by yelley77

I think situations like this (especially when you've been with someone so long) are common. The good news is, you realized that there is a lull and now you can do something to fix it.

The last time this happened, i went out of my way to surprise DH with different things. Once night I cooked in lingerie, another night when he came home from work I was 'waiting' for him in bed... I also stopped wearing dingy sweats to bed and bought some cute, comfy pj's. It really helped.

And about feeling unappreciated, you should tell him. Just sit him down and tell him all the things you LOVE that he does or did. 'I love when you used to rub my back' or 'i love when you kiss my forehead, it makes me feel good'. The minute you say, 'you don't do this and you don't do that', he's going to get defensive.

Question: Did you ever read 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'?

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No I never have..I guess its something I should pick up!? and thanks so much girls! Its comforting to know that you are all going through similiar situations

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You have to read it with a VERY open mind. A lot of people think it's sexist, but if you really read it, it teaches you how to get your husband to take care of you by teaching you how to take care of him.

I swear by that book. Instead of hounding him to take out the garbage, ask him nicely, when he does it say, 'wow, it's such a big help when you take the garbage out. Now we have more time together, etc' Men like to feel needed and like the macho sole provider. Anyway, there is tons of great info in that book and i highly recommend it.

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Mrs. V 2008

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Posted by yelley77

I think situations like this (especially when you've been with someone so long) are common. The good news is, you realized that there is a lull and now you can do something to fix it.

The last time this happened, i went out of my way to surprise DH with different things. Once night I cooked in lingerie, another night when he came home from work I was 'waiting' for him in bed... I also stopped wearing dingy sweats to bed and bought some cute, comfy pj's. It really helped.

And about feeling unappreciated, you should tell him. Just sit him down and tell him all the things you LOVE that he does or did. 'I love when you used to rub my back' or 'i love when you kiss my forehead, it makes me feel good'. The minute you say, 'you don't do this and you don't do that', he's going to get defensive.

Question: Did you ever read 'the proper care and feeding of husbands'?

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No I never have..I guess its something I should pick up!? and thanks so much girls! Its comforting to know that you are all going through similiar situations

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You have to read it with a VERY open mind. A lot of people think it's sexist, but if you really read it, it teaches you how to get your husband to take care of you by teaching you how to take care of him.

I swear by that book. Instead of hounding him to take out the garbage, ask him nicely, when he does it say, 'wow, it's such a big help when you take the garbage out. Now we have more time together, etc' Men like to feel needed and like the macho sole provider. Anyway, there is tons of great info in that book and i highly recommend it.

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thanks danielle..I will check it out!