Ok I have a good question I think

Toucan311 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:04 PM

Ok I have a good question I think

When your parents/in laws are elderly and cannot live alone, will they live with you? Do you have a plan?

TommysWife08 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:05 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

NO NO NO AND MORE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

DH and i have already discussed this and we have discussed it with MIL and my mom.... they will go into a nursing home!!!!!!

ChristineAaron08 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:05 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Old Folks Home!!!
I'm not completely evil though, I WILL visit.

lucky1010 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:06 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

It depends... If its just 1 parent, Id probably take them in, but if it were both my parents, then I'd look into other options...

MnM182008 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:09 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

This is a question DH and I have discussed. I come from a very 'do it yourself family', I've never seen any of my family in a nursing home. My family has always banned together to take care of who ever is ill. My mom took care of my dad's mother with hospice for over a year. DH never wants his mother to live with us, but I've made it clear that if something were to happen with my parents I want to take them in. DH has no problem with that, and I am glad. I could never ever put my mom into a nursing home!

RadiantBride Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:09 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

My parents are retired and they live out of the country. They are planning on coming back to NY in a couple of years but made it clear that they do not want to live with me or my brother. They want to live in a senior resident. They are very independent people and like to have their own space.

emomma17 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:10 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

I have actually thought about this from time to time with my dad's health not the best...I am not sure what will happen but I am sure the family will come together and decide what to do..either my sister's house, or my brother is single (as of now and not married) and he might move back into their place or depending on our living situation than I would have them come live with me. I couldn't imagine having someone else take care of my parents. I think when it gets to the point where the care is too much I would get an aide but...the thought of all this makes me really sad!

ant n tilde Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:10 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

We will be taking care of both sets of parents if that time ever comes. My sister has a child with autism, he will need 24hr care for the rest of his life. My sister in law is a wonderful person but I feel like the daughter is usually the one who takes care of the parents, and my parents would be more comfortable with me. My ILs are only 50ish but they always beg me never to let their other daughter in law take them in, LOL it is a running joke with the family.

Bride908 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:11 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

I would take my mother in. I always said I would take DH's mother in but now Im not so sure, she drives my crazy right now and shes not elderly!!!

ant n tilde Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:12 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Posted by MnM182008

This is a question DH and I have discussed. I come from a very 'do it yourself family', I've never seen any of my family in a nursing home. My family has always banned together to take care of who ever is ill. My mom took care of my dad's mother with hospice for over a year. DH never wants his mother to live with us, but I've made it clear that if something were to happen with my parents I want to take them in. DH has no problem with that, and I am glad. I could never ever put my mom into a nursing home!

Ditto, my grandmother was only put in a home for the last month of her life because she needed a feeding tube. My family still feels guilty about it!

futuremrsfab Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:14 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

My parents will go into assisted living- they have made arrangements to do so already- they are very social & are going to the same facility with about 3 other couples.

MIL will either live probably go with my sil- at least I hope. I love my mil, I just dont think I would love her 24 hours a day

yelley77 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:15 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

If we had the room, I'd definitely take them in. I'd hate to be thrown in a home when I can't fend for myself and I could never do that to my parents or DH's.

AR31 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:17 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

we will take care of them.. we want our parents with us.. like tilde said, i feel that daughters care of their parents more and are more inclined to their needs than sons.. my in laws would prefer to be with us as well.. DH is their baby and the older brother is definetly not the type to 'help' unless there is some benefit to him..

our kids learn from us on how to treat our parents, and it is also matter of family dynamics.. couldn't let them be anywhere else but with us..

TommysWife08 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:17 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

wow. i seem like such a selfish biitch right now lol

MnM182008 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:17 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Ditto, my grandmother was only put in a home for the last month of her life because she needed a feeding tube. My family still feels guilty about it!

The guilt is so awful, even when you know everyone tried their best. Its so hard to watch the ones you love suffer. I want to spend every minute with my sick love ones, couldn't even imagine putting them in a nursing home.

lucky1010 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:19 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Posted by TM2008

wow. i seem like such a selfish biitch right now lol

No, if thats what you have decided then thats what you decided... there are PLENTY of families that have put their parents in homes and didn't think twice about it. Some people don't have the room, or other issues where they cannot take their parents in..
So i wouldnt call it being selfish

MnM182008 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:20 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Just had to add one more thing, its very true, we give what we receive. I would never want to end up in a nursing home either, so I hope my children would learn from my DH and I and take care of us if we are sick.

Toucan311 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:22 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Ideally we'd love to have a house w/a seperate apartment so that they could be with us but also maintain some independence.

MikeandJess Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:24 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

hell no. None of them will live with us. DH keeps insisting on buying a house with a rentable apt because it'll help with our bills but I keep telling him is all it'll do is help his mother be unemployed and living under our roof for (probably) free!

TommysWife08 Posted: Feb 03, 2009 01:25 PM

Re: Ok I have a good question I think

Posted by Mimacat

Ideally we'd love to have a house w/a seperate apartment so that they could be with us but also maintain some independence.

MIL did this with her MIL (DH's gma) they had a seperate apt for her... but even with that, it was HARD!!!!!

MIL is like mary poppins tho so no one can compare to her level of patience