Ok I have a good question I think

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Posted by Karen9508

It depends... If its just 1 parent, Id probably take them in, but if it were both my parents, then I'd look into other options...

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I agree

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Posted by catsgirl

this is not intended for drama but, is it not amazing how a parent can take care of there children but yet there children can not take care of there parent. please do not take this wrong, this is just something I hear our residents say, like one resident lost her husband early she raised nine children, and she always sez one mother can take care of nine children but nine children can not take care of one mother, and it really breaks her heart, and she actually could be at home just not always alone. she feels as if she lost everything since coming to the home, it is sad. I guess I could go on since I work in a home, and I must say I get very attached to a lot of the residents.

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i completely understand what you are saying And no drama!!! And I agree...that is why without a doubt I would take my parents in my home and care for them. They are my rocks they have done by far the best job in raising their 6 children and making us who we are today. They gave us everything etc...so I could never imagine not being there for them if they needed me/us.

However, DH's parents although I love them would just not be ideal for us. I mean of course if DH wanted it I would agree I support him and who he loves. However, I know having them live with us in our home would def cause problems. We live in their house in the upstairs apt and it has already caused some arguments and not just me and DH but with DH and his parents. Plus I know he would not be able to take care of his parents it would be me and he wouldn't want me to do that. Also he can't stand how his mother treats him like he has been 13 yrs old fro the last 6 years---for god sake the guy went to Iraq and had men under him and millions of $ of weapons he is a grown up and having his mother be on his back living with us when she gets old...NOT A GOOD THING unfortunately.

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by catsgirl

this is not intended for drama but, is it not amazing how a parent can take care of there children but yet there children can not take care of there parent. please do not take this wrong, this is just something I hear our residents say, like one resident lost her husband early she raised nine children, and she always sez one mother can take care of nine children but nine children can not take care of one mother, and it really breaks her heart, and she actually could be at home just not always alone. she feels as if she lost everything since coming to the home, it is sad. I guess I could go on since I work in a home, and I must say I get very attached to a lot of the residents.

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i completely understand what you are saying And no drama!!! And I agree...that is why without a doubt I would take my parents in my home and care for them. They are my rocks they have done by far the best job in raising their 6 children and making us who we are today. They gave us everything etc...so I could never imagine not being there for them if they needed me/us.

However, DH's parents although I love them would just not be ideal for us. I mean of course if DH wanted it I would agree I support him and who he loves. However, I know having them live with us in our home would def cause problems. We live in their house in the upstairs apt and it has already caused some arguments and not just me and DH but with DH and his parents. Plus I know he would not be able to take care of his parents it would be me and he wouldn't want me to do that. Also he can't stand how his mother treats him like he has been 13 yrs old fro the last 6 years---for god sake the guy went to Iraq and had men under him and millions of $ of weapons he is a grown up and having his mother be on his back living with us when she gets old...NOT A GOOD THING unfortunately.

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I understand, lucky for me dh mom is actually a blessing in my life as well as dh. she is and incredible women.

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Posted by catsgirl

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Posted by cbcf

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Posted by catsgirl

this is not intended for drama but, is it not amazing how a parent can take care of there children but yet there children can not take care of there parent. please do not take this wrong, this is just something I hear our residents say, like one resident lost her husband early she raised nine children, and she always sez one mother can take care of nine children but nine children can not take care of one mother, and it really breaks her heart, and she actually could be at home just not always alone. she feels as if she lost everything since coming to the home, it is sad. I guess I could go on since I work in a home, and I must say I get very attached to a lot of the residents.

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i completely understand what you are saying And no drama!!! And I agree...that is why without a doubt I would take my parents in my home and care for them. They are my rocks they have done by far the best job in raising their 6 children and making us who we are today. They gave us everything etc...so I could never imagine not being there for them if they needed me/us.

However, DH's parents although I love them would just not be ideal for us. I mean of course if DH wanted it I would agree I support him and who he loves. However, I know having them live with us in our home would def cause problems. We live in their house in the upstairs apt and it has already caused some arguments and not just me and DH but with DH and his parents. Plus I know he would not be able to take care of his parents it would be me and he wouldn't want me to do that. Also he can't stand how his mother treats him like he has been 13 yrs old fro the last 6 years---for god sake the guy went to Iraq and had men under him and millions of $ of weapons he is a grown up and having his mother be on his back living with us when she gets old...NOT A GOOD THING unfortunately.

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I understand, lucky for me dh mom is actually a blessing in my life as well as dh. she is and incredible women.

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you are very lucky and don't get me wrong I love my IL's however they get a little out of hand and become a little too much to bear.

This is going to sound heinous, but, here goes:

My mom has MS. She's had it since after my sisters were born in 1981. She started to get really bad in the late 80's. My dad was always the type to not really help and be interested in anything, so myself and my sisters were always the ones taking care of her. Bc of this, I feel we were robbed of our childhoods and truly being able to enjoy growing up.

My mother now lives in a Nursing Home bc my father didn't want to deal with her. I never wanted the responsibility of HAVING to take care of someone thrust upon me. This is why I will not take my father into my home when he can no longer take care of himself. It's not a matter of revenge, it's that I want to enjoy my life, not take care of someone for all of it.

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Posted by MnM182008


Ditto, my grandmother was only put in a home for the last month of her life because she needed a feeding tube. My family still feels guilty about it!

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The guilt is so awful, even when you know everyone tried their best. Its so hard to watch the ones you love suffer. I want to spend every minute with my sick love ones, couldn't even imagine putting them in a nursing home.

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It is crazy. My parents are way past grown adults and they actually thought that they 'killed' my grandmother by putting her in a home. She was 88 and had severe alzheimers and she gave up on eating. And to this day they consider it as though THEY did it!

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Posted by TM2008

wow. i seem like such a selfish biitch right now lol

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not at all! everyone has different ideas on this and some parents would WANT to be in some kind of home instead of having their children struggle.

I just wanted to add - from the short time my grandma was in a nursing home. . . you can see the difference in care when the family visits. My family took turns so someone was there every single day. They took excellent care of her. As for her roommate, they barely changed her. My mother used to complain and then they would remember!

So as long as you are a part of the care process, I think many options are 'workable'

DH and I are very close with both sides of our family. I would take in my parents or his in a heart beat. On the other hand, DH says NO WAY! But I'll win that battle when it comes time

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Posted by ant n tilde

I just wanted to add - from the short time my grandma was in a nursing home. . . you can see the difference in care when the family visits. My family took turns so someone was there every single day. They took excellent care of her. As for her roommate, they barely changed her. My mother used to complain and then they would remember!

So as long as you are a part of the care process, I think many options are 'workable'

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I do agree with this, but most of the time it may not just be the family visits, its the problems that go on within the nursing homes themselves. They hire alot of imigrants and people who don't speak english, and when someone is in pain or need of help, they don't know what to do to help them. Alot of them also steal their items.

Just that alone breaks my heart. These people don't have much left, and the workers think its not a big deal to steal money/clothes/valuables from them.

I also agree with the girl who said that our mothers/fathers took care of us growing up, and we should return the favor. That is one reason why I will never put my mother in a nursing home. It's almost like a slap in the face. Me basically telling her that all those years she worked 3 jobs to keep us happy and healthy, and fed, was not appreciated.