When your parents/in laws are elderly and cannot live alone, will they live with you? Do you have a plan?
TommysWife08
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Posted by MikeandJess
hell no. None of them will live with us. DH keeps insisting on buying a house with a rentable apt because it'll help with our bills but I keep telling him is all it'll do is help his mother be unemployed and living under our roof for (probably) free!
YAY! i'm not the only one!!!
SusiBtoM
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Both of our moms are passed, so we just have our dads to deal with. My dad will probably come live with us when can no longer be by himself. Thankfully at age 74 he is quite healthy. I'll have to sell my co-op and buy a small house then.
Both DH and I are not sure about his step-dad. He's difficult, has health issues and vision loss, and has the beginnings of memory loss, not sure if it is any of the dreaded old age diseases. My FIL will probably have to go into a home when he can no longer live by himself.
Browneyesncute
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Wow that is a good question, i dont know what i would do,
TheFutureMrsM
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Good Question
My inlaws just took out a crazy expensive long term care insurance policy. I think its about 7k a year, but they pay the premiums until they need it, and then they get full time live in care.
My parents I am not very sure, my parents don't have that type of money for long term care insurance.
eta: My inlaws have stated to us that they do not want to burden us one day so they are being proactive with this insurance.
kirstenjk
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Definitely not!!! We don't have a set plan other than neither of our parents are going to live with us.
MikeandJess
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
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MikeandJess
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Posted by TM2008
Posted by MikeandJess
hell no. None of them will live with us. DH keeps insisting on buying a house with a rentable apt because it'll help with our bills but I keep telling him is all it'll do is help his mother be unemployed and living under our roof for (probably) free!
YAY! i'm not the only one!!!
I just know one of his family members will be free loading if we have an apt within our house. DH is too nice of a person to turn anyone away, even if it'll run us to the poor house! It also depends on the situation. Sometimes it's better that an older person be in a nursing home where they have 24 hour access to a dr. if god forbid something goes wrong. My grandma was in a nursing home and she loved it. She used to go on trips to the mall and she made jewelry and pot holders. It was also right next door to a hospital and she had a lot of accidents and visited the hospital numerous times. They took better care of her there then we ever could in our house.
nifheim
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
My grandmother moved in with my parents while I was still living at home and it was a very stressful situation. BUT as stressful it was it was nice to have had that time to spend with her and care for her. I think as long as my parents had a sound mind and had some mobility I wouldn't mind one of them moving in but if they were helpless where they needed constant care I think it is best for both parties that they go to a proper care facility in which I will go visit as often as possibly and still care for them just not have to 'babysit them.'
TommysWife08
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Posted by MikeandJess
Posted by TM2008
Posted by MikeandJess
hell no. None of them will live with us. DH keeps insisting on buying a house with a rentable apt because it'll help with our bills but I keep telling him is all it'll do is help his mother be unemployed and living under our roof for (probably) free!
YAY! i'm not the only one!!!
I just know one of his family members will be free loading if we have an apt within our house. DH is too nice of a person to turn anyone away, even if it'll run us to the poor house! It also depends on the situation. Sometimes it's better that an older person be in a nursing home where they have 24 hour access to a dr. if god forbid something goes wrong. My grandma was in a nursing home and she loved it. She used to go on trips to the mall and she made jewelry and pot holders. It was also right next door to a hospital and she had a lot of accidents and visited the hospital numerous times. They took better care of her there then we ever could in our house.
yes i agree! neither i nor DH will be able to stay home 24/7 to be with the elder parent incase they need that kind of care.... nursing homes can be wonderful places to grow old and socialize!
and of course i would go visit all the time!! just b/c i dont want to LIVE with my mom or MIL/FIL doesnt mean im cold hearted and dont love them.... i just know myself and i know that i will not be able to handle that
kristin597
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
We would take my mother in in a second. I love my FIL but I don't think I could live with him and I know DH would lose his mind.
jaep129
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
H E L L NO! Well to inlaws. My mom if she needs I would take her in. We live in an apartment in DH grandparents house and could not even think of my MIL living with us. I would pay to have her put into a home!
MikeandJess
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Posted by TM2008
and of course i would go visit all the time!! just b/c i dont want to LIVE with my mom or MIL/FIL doesnt mean im cold hearted and dont love them.... i just know myself and i know that i will not be able to handle that
My sister and I volunteered at the nursing home so we were there all the time. It was fun I used to sing duets with the old people. I'd say we got there every other day and honestly after grandma's stroke she wouldn't know if it was everyday or every other day. I know some people don't understand how you can put a family member in a nursing home but they're really not all that bad
RockysGirl
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
that's a really tough hypothetical question. I feel like it would be different if I were actually IN the situation, so who knows what'll happen. I do feel like I'd take my mother in with us though. I just feel like it would be so wrong for me to turn either of my parents away when they NEVER turned me away. I was welcome to stay in my parent's house as long as I needed to. I figure - they took such good care of me, it would be so wrong for me to not take care of them in return, when they need me most.
As for DH's parents, however - that's a whole other story
ChristineAaron08
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Posted by TM2008
wow. i seem like such a selfish biitch right now lol
not at all.. It's not easy to take care of an elderly person who cant take care of themselves.
thats why I personally think our parents will be better cared for in a home. If we had room and they were able to be on their own, then sure. But, I dont live well w/ others (just ask DH) lol
If our idea goes as planned, my parents and possibly his too will live very close to us. There are also Sr. and assisted living homes very nearby. The house we plan to own will not have room for an apt and the extra rooms will be upstairs so that wouldnt work anyway.
catsgirl
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
yes, yes ,yes I will pay to keep them in there home, if for some reason not there own then mine. I work in a nursing home, and yes it is a very nice home with caring wonderful people, but I do not want my parents or dh in a home, if I get my way that will never happen.
Wifeynella
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Yes if finances and space allows. Otherwise we'll hire live in nurses for them to
Not to be too Lion King, but we think that its just the right thing to do. They took care of us in at the beginning of our lives its only right we take care of them towards the end of theirs.
Mrs. Bernabe
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
Nursing home would be the farthest thing on my mind. To think of nursing home is bc the person needs the attention that a home attendant cannot provide, in that case yes, bc I will be working and will not be able to take off. I would visit every weekend (or so I hope that's the case). My grandmother and grandfather lived with my parents and they cared for one another and really did not have major health issues and I would only wish it to be the same case re: our parents.
cbcf
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
My parents I would take in without a doubt...but they always say they would never do that because my Nana lived with us for years and my mom didn't want to burden her children wiht that.
My IL's welll......NO I wouldn't move in with them or have them move in with us. That would make our relationship have MANY MANY problems...but if we needed to I could imagine having them in an apt in our house like upstairs or downstairs so we can check in on them etc.
SFAR89
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
I could never put my mother in a nursing home. My mother used to work in a nursing home in Long Beach for a while, and the stories she would tell me would break my heart. I could never do that to her.
As far as DH's mother and father...........maybe his father, but that's about all we will have room for. :-P
catsgirl
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Re: Ok I have a good question I think
this is not intended for drama but, is it not amazing how a parent can take care of there children but yet there children can not take care of there parent. please do not take this wrong, this is just something I hear our residents say, like one resident lost her husband early she raised nine children, and she always sez one mother can take care of nine children but nine children can not take care of one mother, and it really breaks her heart, and she actually could be at home just not always alone. she feels as if she lost everything since coming to the home, it is sad. I guess I could go on since I work in a home, and I must say I get very attached to a lot of the residents.
