Prose
I found some old files with some proses I wrote.. (I used to do spoken word at some bar in the city)
thought I would share:
i was shot at once.
Walking down my street, passed the doctor's office. John Santiago & some black kid from another neighborhood were walking 20 feet in front of me engaged in their own conversation, when a white car came speeding by.
They shot the black kid. John dove out of the way & then crawled towards his friend.
My only instinct was to fall.
He spotted me & pointed his gun.
You never realize how close to the Earth you can get until you\'re wishing it will swallow you whole & protect you. I wanted to feel what it was like to melt. As I closed my eyes, 2 shots were fired & the sound of tires screeching relieved my state of paralysis. I must have been such a small target, I didn't feel any pain.
He must have missed.
Our minds are an Abyss of secrets & haunted memories. Sometimes we can\'t differentiate between reality & fantasy until you are sitting in your room quiet & still, and then something creeps up behinds you & pokes you. Not sure of what it was, you ignore it & move on. If you think about it, you might remember something.
I remember Edwin pulling his pants down in the park when i was four. I swear he had a vagina.
We manage to carry on, & push them down with the other things we're ashamed of or frightened of... Not proud of. Waking up in a clinic feeling as if someone tore my intestines out with their bare hands... To the voices of a nurse saying, 'here... sweetheart, take this, it will make you feel better.' You don't question who she is, you just take what she is offering. To make the pain disappear. She's like a robot every 5 minutes the same sentance to another ... girl.
You'd take anything to make that pain disappear & as your mind clears itself, the aching subsides & you start to remember.
This is why our daughters are medicated.
We hold our own secrets.
And a neverending life 'to do' list floating around in our heads.
But we're taught to be strong & take back that night
My memories confirm that it will take more than a chant & candles to forget. Sometimes we just want to keep silenced. Most of the times you want to knock over your support group. Let's hide the stories, let's just forget about them. Allow them to bubble up inside you until you reach that point of insanity. AT least you have something to blame.
And you constantly wonder why I'm a little off
i need to shed my skin.
allow me to feel naked & vunerable again or I can't live in my son's world of innocence.
I feel too guilty.
thought I would share:
i was shot at once.
Walking down my street, passed the doctor's office. John Santiago & some black kid from another neighborhood were walking 20 feet in front of me engaged in their own conversation, when a white car came speeding by.
They shot the black kid. John dove out of the way & then crawled towards his friend.
My only instinct was to fall.
He spotted me & pointed his gun.
You never realize how close to the Earth you can get until you\'re wishing it will swallow you whole & protect you. I wanted to feel what it was like to melt. As I closed my eyes, 2 shots were fired & the sound of tires screeching relieved my state of paralysis. I must have been such a small target, I didn't feel any pain.
He must have missed.
Our minds are an Abyss of secrets & haunted memories. Sometimes we can\'t differentiate between reality & fantasy until you are sitting in your room quiet & still, and then something creeps up behinds you & pokes you. Not sure of what it was, you ignore it & move on. If you think about it, you might remember something.
I remember Edwin pulling his pants down in the park when i was four. I swear he had a vagina.
We manage to carry on, & push them down with the other things we're ashamed of or frightened of... Not proud of. Waking up in a clinic feeling as if someone tore my intestines out with their bare hands... To the voices of a nurse saying, 'here... sweetheart, take this, it will make you feel better.' You don't question who she is, you just take what she is offering. To make the pain disappear. She's like a robot every 5 minutes the same sentance to another ... girl.
You'd take anything to make that pain disappear & as your mind clears itself, the aching subsides & you start to remember.
This is why our daughters are medicated.
We hold our own secrets.
And a neverending life 'to do' list floating around in our heads.
But we're taught to be strong & take back that night
My memories confirm that it will take more than a chant & candles to forget. Sometimes we just want to keep silenced. Most of the times you want to knock over your support group. Let's hide the stories, let's just forget about them. Allow them to bubble up inside you until you reach that point of insanity. AT least you have something to blame.
And you constantly wonder why I'm a little off
i need to shed my skin.
allow me to feel naked & vunerable again or I can't live in my son's world of innocence.
I feel too guilty.
