QOTD - 5/23/03

natasha Posted: May 23, 2003 10:26 AM

QOTD - 5/23/03

MY DH and I have agreed to have only one child. When we tell family and friends this (especially the ones that didn't have siblings), they say that being a only child is so lonely. My SIL recently asked this question that had me thinking, she asked me to imagine my life without my brothers. Truthfully, I couldn't.

What are your feeling/opinion on this topic?

Teri Posted: May 23, 2003 10:32 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I think it's hard to answer now, not knowing #1 if we're even able to have kids and if so, how easy/difficult it might be. #2 it depends on our financial status and where we are in our lives.
We'd both like to have 2 kids - that would be ideal, since we both grew up with 1 other sibling. But I know many friends and family members that only have 1 child and didn't necessarily expect to - this occured because of divorce usually.
Ideally, I would like my children to have a sibling to rely on - I loved growing up with a big sister! Hopefully we'll be able to have two :)

Stef28 Posted: May 23, 2003 10:32 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I am an only child and always wished I had brothers and sisters and this is why I would like to have more than one child.

But I also do not think there is anything wrong with being an only child -- I was so lucky to have so much love from my parents.

It's a personal decision and one you don't have to make now. You can one have child and see how you feel about it again at that point.

It's your and your husband's decision. Take what others say and think about it -- but don't let their comments or advice make your decision for you.

shamma Posted: May 23, 2003 10:37 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Roger wants many children, I guess he has riches laid up somewhere, and is just not telling me about it In reality we are aiming for 1 God willing. I was an only child, but I grew up in an extended family so it never bothered me, it only started bother me when I got older and mom and I moved to America, I think its nice to have a sibling, but only you and hubby can decide that.

Valenia Posted: May 23, 2003 10:39 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

What are you reasons for wanted only one child? I think there are plenty of very good reasons out there, and I respect this as a decision that is just yours to make -- there is no clear right or wrong.

For me, I want to have two. I'm not concerned much about my child being lonely. (That would be a terrible reason to have a second child.) I do think however that there are many important lessons in socialization and sharing that are much easier to learn with a sibling. I think that the parents of an only child have a harder job in teaching their children to get along with others, and making sure they are too self centered -- as they will not have as much experience sharing attention. (Even this I don't consider a good enough reason to have two if one is what you want, just a concern to raise.)

For me, the picture I have in my heart of a family is two children. I have the energy and the finances to support two children well. I deeply value the relationship I have with my brother, and want to provide that for my children.

This is such a personal decision! If one is what you want in your heart, then one is what it should be. Most important to your child is that you are happy!

Kathi Posted: May 23, 2003 10:40 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

We've agreed on 2, or 3 if we hit Lotto!

IMO, siblings are very important. I'm 1 of 9 and DH is 1 of 3... I can't begin to imagine my life w/o my siblings!!

My sister went through h-ell having a 2nd... it took her 8+ years and a horrible m/c for her to get him... but, worth everything to her and her DH.

Having children is a very personal decision. Whether you want 0 or 10, it's no one's business but yours & your DH!

Wendy Posted: May 23, 2003 10:56 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Just asked Dh this questions since he is an only child and I am the oldest of 5. He said being an only child if something bad happens...your parents know who did it. He also said that you get to be the center of attention all the time...sometimes not such a good thing.

Personally I have 2 children (1 of each) and while they are 6 years apart in age (25 and 19) they have always been close. I know if anything ever happens to me and my ex they always have each other. I cannot imagine my life without my sisters and brother. Even though they could sometimes be pains in the butt when we were growing up, we always had a good time and there was always someone there to share both good and bad stuff with.

It is of course a matter of personal preference and what you as a couple are comfortable with, but for me I had to have more than 1.

dkga1026 Posted: May 23, 2003 11:01 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Natasha, this is a very personal decision that only you and DH can make. I will say that I could never imagine my life without my little brother. But I'm not sure how I would feel if I never had a sibling to begin with.
DH and I have discussed the same issue, but we've decided to just try for baby #1 first and then reevaluate our options once we reach that point.
I think having children is one of those experiences you can never imagine until you actually go through it.

natasha Posted: May 23, 2003 11:06 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

The reason I ask this question is that we have agreed about this based on the lifestyle we (DH and I) want. However, having this discussion with family and friends is encouraging me to think of the kind of lifestyle I want my child to have. The question my SIL posed to me made me go back and think about the relationship I have with my brothers (especially the one right after me).

Keep your comments comming. This is not about other people imposing their views on me, in the end DH and I will make our decidions based on what is right for us. I just wanted a discussion on the differences between being a only child and having siblings.

Sonicstef Posted: May 23, 2003 11:14 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I know many only children and they do not feel its a lonely existance at all.

Most of them were able to go to the better school b/c of the financial planning the parents were able to do around one child. And more importanly, enjoy a very close relationship with their parents because the three of them were such a tight knit group.

Dont let other people pressure you into something you dont want. Having a second child to keep the first company is not a good reason to bring another human being into this world.

natasha Posted: May 23, 2003 11:19 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Stef. Thanks for your opinion. Trust me, I am not the type to be pressured into anything, especially as something as important as this.

Sonicstef Posted: May 23, 2003 11:27 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Sorry natasha..i hadnt seen your response right before my post.

LizD Posted: May 23, 2003 11:29 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I am 1 of 7 and could never imagine what it would have been without them. We plan on having 2 (would love to have more, but economically, unless we win lotto, that would be it). If by some chance though we can only have 1 that would be great too. Not really a great answer, but it's a tough question

JennRenee Posted: May 23, 2003 11:33 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

We also plan on having 1 child, and get lots of flack from friends and family.
Our response is that we will have as many children as they want, as long as THEY (whoever is toturing us at the moment) are willing to be financially responsible for them.
That usually ends the conversation.

ddunne23 Posted: May 23, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Personally, for my family I would like to have 2 or three. My DH is 1 of 4 and it is just natural for us to have more than one. But I do not see anything negative or wrong with just having one child. Circumstances are different for all, and some people over than others might be more easily able to handle more than one child, while others feel most comfortable with just 1. I know many people who are the only child and they are in no one lacking in family. It is all a matter of what is best for you. What others think is not the least bit important.

Niecey Posted: May 23, 2003 11:53 AM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I can't imagine only having one child myself. God allowing, I would like to have at least 2 or 3 children (let's see what I say once I am ready to have one - things may change, hehe). I grew up with 2 brothers and can't imagine not having siblings in my life and would think my child would like the experience as well. I do wish I had a sister though...

But to each his/her own. I don't think there is anything wrong with having one child.

dgtlsunshine Posted: May 23, 2003 12:25 PM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

My husband swears that only child syndrome exist. He says he does not know any one that was an only child that is normal. He said something is wrong with all of them.

I personally would hate to be an only child though.

Sonicstef Posted: May 23, 2003 12:40 PM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

I want to add that I have 3 good friends that are only children. They are extremely bright, caring people who are very 'normal'. The only thing that would make them different is that they are above average in terms of academics, career acheivements and general aptiitude. If I were to have children, I would want him/her to be just like these people.

shamma Posted: May 23, 2003 12:56 PM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

Neva, what is Steve trying to say about me *slaps imaginary mosquitoes away* LOL I am quite normal and I am very well adjusted I do not think if a child is or isn't not exposed to others whether they are only an only child or not they can still be selfish and not well adjusted.

dgtlsunshine Posted: May 23, 2003 01:10 PM

Re: QOTD - 5/23/03

My husband kills me. I don't know if it exist or he is trying to get me to agree to having more than one child.

My niece is an only child and so far so good.