QOTD - 5/23/03

My niece is an only child and she's a monster, but that's a whole other story...

I think we all have personality traits based on the order we were born...you can search for similarities in any situations...there are stereotypes for each birth order...


to be honest...my sister is 4 years older...and we weren't really that close...maybe it was too much time in between and we never went to a common school...but I remember she would NEVER play with me...it was almost like being by myself...I found refuge in the neighborhood kids...



do whats right for your family (you, dh and your child)

You know some friends and I were talking the other day and some one made the comment that people that are 'established' tend to only have one child if any at all.


Do you all agree?

Thats another point too. If the kids are far apart sometimes they are not real close. My older sisters are two years apart and I am seven and 9 years apart from them.

I have never been as close to them as they are to each other.

Erica, my sister is 5 years younger than me, and we weren't close AT ALL when we were younger. We've only established a relationship in the last five years.
My brother is 2 years younger than my sis, and they were (and still are) very close. I was always jealous.

LOL. JennRenne. I heard a lot about an only child being spoiled rotten.

Scoop: This decision will always be up to the couple. Afterall, the parents will have to raise the child, not everyone else and their opinions.

I hope no one takes what I'm about to say the wrong way: I am an only child and I loved it until the day my father died. If my mom ever needs long term care or something similar, it's all up to me and I refuse to put her in a nursing home. (I did volunteer work in one for a long time so I know what they're like.)

I guess my point is if you're going to have only one child make sure you have adequate life, health, and when the time comes, long term care insurance. I love my mom to death and she's my best friend next to Pat. I just worry about taking care of her when she's older.

How appropriate that this is the QOTD today because Joe and I just recently had a 'mini' discussion about this! I have ALWAYS wanted a big family -- 4-6 kids (my friend's father used to tell me that he could picture me stirring a big pot of sauce with 1 kid in my belly, another in my arms and 2 or 3 running around my legs ), but seeing that my clock has been ticking away without my permission, that's not happening unless I take some drugs next time and have them all at once!!! Can you imagine Joe then??!! So, I'll just settle for 2 now.

Joe grew up as an only child (he has 3 younger 1/2 brothers from his father, but they are much younger and he has no relationship with the older 2, only the youngest who's 14 -- his father is on wife number 3 ) and he enjoyed being the 'KING'. Why wouldn't he? His mother and his grandmother catered to his every wish, especially since you're talking an Italian mother and grandmother!!! Heck, they still do! I laugh when his mother tells me he needs his own secy -- hey, you and Nanny created this monster, I just came in at the end!!

Getting back on track here (do I come in second to Anna with going off on tangents or what ), he says that this is IT -- and I totally disagree with him. I told him that he'll have to wait until after our little Bear Cub is born to decide because I think it stems from his nervousness about the whole parenting thing.

I really don't want our child to grow up by him or herself. Granted, like JennRenee, I'm 4 years older then my sister and we fought like cats and dogs for years -- we only started getting along when she moved out before she got married. I think that's because we shared a room and the fact that she was and still is my mother's favorite (I call her Jr)!! (I'm my father's but that's not the point, is it )

At least we had each other to fight with, which is normal. I felt bad that Joe never experienced that growing up. My BIL is an only child also and he doesn't really want another one either -- my nephew is 4 and he keeps telling my sister that there's a baby in her belly (I think because of me) and she says 'not now and if you don't start sleeping in your own bed, not ever' But she would like to have one more, so they have the same 'discussion' going on.

Like everyone else said, however many children you decide to have, that is your own personal choice and nobody should make you feel guilty about it. Like I've said before, people will always have something to say about another person's personal life, from the time you start dating, to getting engaged, to planning the wedding, to when are you going to start having kids, to when is this next one coming!!!! They just cannot keep their big mouths shut!

Do whatever makes you and your hubby happy! After all, you're the ones that will be taking care of the children and providing for them, not the busybodies that ask all the questions!!

JennRenee, good answer!!!

Deb ... I give you my vote behind Anna for digressing!!!

I don't know Natasha, it's hard for me to answer this question because I was one of three. So, I don't know it any other way. My intention is to have two-three children. I just love kids and ache for them. I want the full house, but I know, with that comes sacrifices, which I am willing to make. But who knows, after one, I may not want anymore. With more than one child - it's harder to go back to work, it's harder to afford things and it could be a strain on your marriage and on you personally.

But I don't think that I or you could be able to make this decision now. I think we need to have our first child and then see. We may realize that we want more than one child or that we want to stop at one. And sometimes that decision is not made by us. It could be hard for one to conceive or there could be that '2nd' or '3rd' accident.

I personally enjoy those who digress.

Hey I just decided to skim this thread (dont have too much time to be online right now, this is a QUICKIE LIW BREAK, LOL..
But I see my name being thrown around and made fun off ! HOW DARE YOU !
HAH Just kidding, I know its out of love !

Debbie when I scroll through to skim a thread, I HAVE TO read yours LOL. Its always the one full of laughs, LOLLL (and of course the replies of my other GTG buddies, you know who you are )

My view on having children and how many:
Both John and I want 'a few' whatever that may mean!
He is an only child, but he adores children, and is always the kid magnet when we go places. I am one of 4 and I adore my siblings and couldnt imagine living life without siblings. There is a certain dynamic between siblings, theres a certain bond that shapes who you are (does that make sense??), theres something that having siblings that I think everyone should be able to have.
I would NEVER EVER think of having just one child. Hopefully God will bless us again, and again
because we just see children, and family, as what life is all about. (should I ramble or is this getting annoying ????)

Deb you take the cake on this one !

Jenn-will I change my mind on this answer after I start teaching ??

This is a decision that there is no right or wrong answer to, its a personal decision and you have to do whats right for you! =)

Between Anna and Deb, I don't know who digress better or more I love reading your post Especially Deb, she writes like she is talking to you directly

Natasha - I'm in the same position as you. Both DH and I only want one child. I get the same responses from people. They will be lonely, they will be spoiled, etc...
I grew up with a brother 5 years younger than me and we are still not close. In fact before he was born, I never asked for a sibling and wasn't too impressed when he came home.

I think that if you provide enough people - friends and activities for the child, they won't be lonely. I'm much closer to my friends than my brother... we never really played together. And I think if you make a point of not spoiling or indulging a child, they will grow up to be perfectly normal (whatever that is), children and adults.

There are plenty of reasons to only have one child and it really is up to the parents to decide what those reasons are and if they are valid. I usually just tell people that I can give one child everything and change the topic. It's nobodys business.

I grew up as an only child for a while and then my parents took in foster children and later adopted my 3 sisters, so there are 4 of us in total now. I have to say I did not like it when I was an only child, being the center of attention was not always positive and I did feel pressure to meet all my parents expectations and wished for a sibling. There were so many weekends, vacations and such that I wished for someone to hang out with. Going to an amusment park on vacation with just your parents when you are 10 is NOT nearly as fun as when you have a brother or sister. I dont think that only children have social issues at all, as long as they have friends/playmates when they are young. But I am SO grateful to have the bonds I do now with my sisters, even though there is a large age difference I couldnt imagine my life without them. I pray that I am fortunate enough to have at least 2 children, 3 might be ok too!

These questions really get me thinking...

I have a friend from medical school who is an only child. His dad commited suicide several years ago and now his mom is really sick with heart disease. I just remember talking to him a few months ago and he was so scared and distraught over the thought of being alone if his mom died. It really got to me and made me reconsider my ideas about maybe only having one child. However, he does not have a large extended family, which makes him feel even more alone.

I don't know- my husband's brother died almost 7 years ago and now he is a pseudo-only child and there is alot of pressure on him. He definetely wants to have more that one, for that reason and others. My sister and I are very close, but more than that she is an extension of myself. It is a great gift to be friends with your sibling and I know it doesn't always work out like that.

At this point, I would be happy having one child- but I think in the end, I just imagine us having more than that.

Like I have said before, the beauty of this world is in difference- and this is more proof of the fact!

I am an only child and as a child it was great. I got lots of attention, had loads of cousins to play with at holiday times and my parents made sure they invited my friends to go on trips with us. I was really treated special by my Grandparents & other adults in my family & have had great times with them.
As an adult its different, my parents are getting older & I worry about caring for them someday.
It's also true that nobody really knows or understands my parents but me, so often when my Mom makes me nuts I wish I had someone that understood. I always hoped that when I got married I'd have BILs & SILs that I would be close to, unfortunatly Rich's brothers live in Florida & his sister is an a$$.
So now I really wish that I had a sister(or brother) to share the big things with- weddings, babies, homes, holidays.
I'm very intrigued by siblings & how they feel about eachother & how they look alike or look more like one parent than the other. I've also questioned my friends with two or more children about having enough love or time for all of them, they say it comes naturally I just don't know what its like.

I'm glad that my son has a step-sister now, but I worry that they won't have that same bond & I never wanted him to be an only child. Anyway, I think being an only child offers alot of opportunity & is fun as a kid.

I am an only child, I always wished I had a brother or sister and I still do.

I also dated someone who passed away who was an only child, and although I am sure losing a child is the worst thing in the world, at least if you have 2, it's a LITTLE easier if something were to happen to him or her.

I know this first hand.

I am one of 6 and we didn't always get along, especially my brother who is only 10 months older than me. However, in more recent years as we got older and moved out on our own, we get along so much better. I couldn't imagine life with out the 5 of them!!

I would love to have 6 kids as well. However, I probably should've started that 10 years ago, LOL!! My hubby and I have agreed we'll try for 3. But At this point, the first one will be a blessing and after that we'll see.

We want two children so there is no 'middle child' to feel left out!

It's really a decision only the two of you can make. I heartily believe in 'planning' when to begin your family. Sometimes you really can't tell until your child begins to grow up whether or not you want to have more. Don't rule out any possibilities just yet and don't listen to your family when they offer unwanted opinions!