QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
TrayLu47
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QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
knowing what I know I would tell them:
Be realistic about your finances. Don't spend every dime on your wedding, you're still going to need to live afterwards.
Have a plan for after the wedding.
Every married couple goes through some sort of adjustment after the wedding, even if they lived together before. The adjustment is normal!
Involve your fiance in the wedding planning - it's his day too, you both can't get married without each other!
COMPROMISE and COMMUNICATE your true feelings!
Get at least 4 sessions of marriage counseling before the wedding (nothing wrong with a little extra knowledge).
After you get married, that's when the work REALLY BEGINS!
Don't get too weighted down with life that you forget to nurture your relationship.
Touch each other every chance you get.
OKay, I'll let you all add to the list!
nrvbrd
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Those are great tips!!!
I totally agree about getting counseling before the wedding. It really helps.
One thing I will add is to make sure your husband does his share around the home, they can get pretty lax about this and the burden falls on you.
Also, I would tell people to be very realistic when entering into this union- Yes, your wedding will be very magical and wonderful, however do not feed into the fairytale because marriage is NOT a fairytale, even for those who claim they NEVER argue or disagree.
nrvbrd
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Also, LEARN TO SHUT UP SOMETIMES.
Some things really are not that serious and do not need to be discussed adnauseam.
jennbaby
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Don't break the bank to get married or take out a loan. My friend did this and she's sorry.
TrayLu47
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Nrvbrd, you're right on target! I'll have to practice the 'shut up' one more!
Jen - so true!
Sassy
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Definitely agree with the premarital counseling.
Don't go into it with the frame of mind 'Oh that could NEVER happen to us, we're too much in love'
Pick your battles - this has been hard for me, b/c I want to win every time.
Prepare yourself for the fact that your family will have to adjust to your new status as well, and you can't go running to them every time you and hubby disagree.
Evaluate and talk about your expectations of what husband and a wife should be and how they should act. You'll be surprised at how different the 2 of you may feel........
Sonicstef
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
I usually dont give my recently engaged friends life advice..i find that people think that they are different and no amount of advice (no matter how true) will save them from heartache if they are not open to hear it.
As for wedding planning advice:
a)i tell my friends to give themselves plenty of time - there is no reason to rush your engagement. Plenty of time means time to plan, to save $ and most of all to enjoy.
b) Figure out how much you can realistically afford. Then figure out how much you THINK a wedding will cost - add another 50% on that. If you cant afford that or something close, reconsider the big wedding. There is no point in spending tens of thousands if you are not going to be happy with the end result.
c) Listen to what people have to say and then do what you want. Its your wedding, your money, your marriage - celebrate in the ways you want, not want your parents or friends want.
d) Dont pick anyone to be in your wedding party unless you are SURE they are going to help you or at least be happy for your thru the process.
e) Choose your vendors wisely. It may seem like a small decision at the time but you will be looking at those photos, remembering those songs, hearing about the meal for many years to come.
Sassy
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Posted by Sonicstef
i find that people think that they are different and no amount of advice (no matter how true) will save them from heartache if they are not open to hear it.
So true, so true............
nrvbrd
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
I believe Sonicstef said this in another post, but it was something to the effect of thinking like a team.
That is what you must remember, this man you are marrying is your partner, you have to start thinking like two instead of one. You have to learn that you cannot be selfish and all the decisions you make from this point forward affect the BOTH of you.
Misty
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Did any of you see the recent episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where Robert and Amy try to give advice to Ray and Debra after being married for 3 months? The whole plotline revolved around their inability to do it sensibly, because they really had no clue yet. I totally agree with this, and I am in no position yet to advise anyone! Let's bump this in a year or two and maybe then I'll have some input.
But wedding advice...all of the above!
nrvbrd
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Misty- see your point, but marriage is a learning process, I am by no means an expert, but we can all help each other a bit, based on the experiences we are going through.
I do agree that I would not dare give someone marital advice who has been married for 30 years, now that is insane.
TrayLu47
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Wow you ladies are on the ball! Sonicstef, you said it like it is girl! I like your advice - excellent!!!
I also want to add:
Make peace with the little imperfections of your wedding or else it will haunt you forever!
Like Sonicstef said, choose, your bridal party VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY (I could fill this page with very) carefully! It makes a HUGE difference when they are supportive and wish you well! Just b/c you knew someone for a certain period of time, doesn't mean they will be supportive, if they show signs of unsupport, DON'T put them in your Bridal party - TRUST me, I learned the hard way!
Sonicstef
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
As for marital advice, i feel like i have been married since the day we moved in together 5 years ago. And now that we are married, i know that our relationship has not changed much. Im sure that is not true for everyone...but it is for us.
As for wedding planning, i was lucky to have some experience in the wedding planning stuff way before i got engaged and I think it helped me avoid a lot of the pitfalls of the process. But even with that, I think back to what i thought I 'knew' about wedding before I got engaged and laugh.
But despite that, we all know people who just let advice roll off their back and think 'no, that wont happen to me' and they are the first ones to complain that they never saw it coming. Hahhaahha.
TrayLu47
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Maybe it's just me, but when people gave me good advice during my wedding planning days, I took it into consideration - there has been many times when it all came in handy - before and after the wedding!
I give my friends advice (when they ask) and for the most part they listen. Do they use it, I don't know, but so many times, they've come back to me and said 'Trace, I remember when you told me about such and such - it's SO true!'
I just think it's good to have a frame of reference, especially going into a marriage.
Sassy
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
I think some couples are very open to advice, while others think they are above it all. Even I thought I was above the whole 'adjustment' period b/c we lived together. Boy I was in for a shock
But all the other advice I took to heart. It just depends on who you're dealing with.
My rule of thumb. I give advice when ASKED.
PS - Of course I still have A LOT to learn, but I will share anything I can for now
Sonicstef
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Ok, maybe i just have stubborn friends. (no surprise since im the same way)
TrayLu47
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
Liz and Sonicstef, so true! It really depends on the couple!
I think it's normal for engaged and newly married couples to want to be independent and figure things out on their own. However, I'll tell you from experience, as you start to accumulate years together, you become VERY open to advice and suggestion!
shamma
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
I definitely agree with choose your battles wisely, if you plan to be with this person for the rest of your life, you do not have to fight every, sometimes just walk away.
Treat each other with respect, take care of each other. Do not take each other for granted
Take time for intimacy, it can be easily pushed to the side
Fight fair
Do not stop dating each other
Pray together
Show interest in what the other person is interested in.
Definitely discuss the household responsibilites, finance etc
Try to make it work somehow with the inlaws, they can be such a pain in the marriage
Keep doing the little things.
Keep the lines of communication open
Do not go to bed angry if you can
Always kiss when you part and when you reunite
Do things with other couples
Do not forget about your friends.
Be honest and open about expectations.
shamma
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
I am always open to hearing how others have handled situations, I don't give out unsolicited advice. I love to learn from others. That does not mean I am going to handle it the same way, but at least you know you are normal and others before you have been thru and they are ok.
I think adjustment for us is still going on, we are learning and growing everyday. How to treat each other, how to talk to each other. etc.
This thing definitely take works, it does not happen overnight, but it is oh so good when we are in sinc
WithThisRing
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Re: QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?
