QOTD - Now that you are married, what advice would you give your friends getting married?

Choose your Bridal Party VERY carefully. It's a bigger deal than it seems.

Shamma, I know what you mean.

Marriage is great, but it is a work in progress.

Shamma - well said!!

What I've learned from my experience is that us women take the brunt of the responsibility in a marriage - it's really us that determine the outcome when it comes to creating the home, taking care of the kids, keeping hubby happy and doing our careers! Don't get me wrong, in some aspects our husband help, but the major part of it is on our shoulders.

As the years go by I'm amazed at the magnitude of a woman's responsibility! In my next life I want to be a man!

I think the biggest shock for me was learning how to be a wife. I thin kthat is the weirdest word. I have seen so many kinds in my life. Think about all your friends parents. It didn't help that I had no role model as my parents had long since divorced. I had a discussion about what he expected from me after we got married. Was he okay if it stayed the same as what I was doing? What was my 'wife' score to him then? But thank G-d, everything has been great. He is a patient guy who doesn't complain if I 'miss a beat' or two or three...

My biggest advice is 'both parties should give 60%'. A story: The other night I feel asleep after work and when I awoke, DH was cooking dinner for me. Now, I hate cooking. and It was like 8 o'clock. Since he has a much harder and longer job and is bringing home the lions share of the income, I felt a little bad. I started tearing up that I 'wasn't pulling my weight' in this marriage and he laughed and called me an idiot jokingly and said that is what marriage is about. It was okay if I didn't cook as long as we ate somehow. I appreciated the fact that he knew I wasn't going to be June Cleaver overnight or ever and he was okay with that.

Sept20...you hit it on the head. Patience and consideration for each other. We might not be able to give 100% of ourselves at all times, but we should all aim for that.

Tracy you are so right, I thought about our home and yes, most of it does fall on me, but I say what I do in one area, he will make up for in another area. I refuse to be burnt out while my hubby lives a life of ease. I do not think that's fair. We both have to do our parts in the home as well as in the marriage.

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Posted by Sassy

Pick your battles - this has been hard for me, b/c I want to win every time.

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That is so important. You will save yourself and your DH alot headaches.

Also, understand that your inlaws will have to learn to adjust to this new relationship. So, they may say or do some things that may make you raise your eyebrows. So, just give a little time for that adjustment to take place.

I think its true that most women 'carry' the marriage.

At the same time, women tend to be very good enablers in letting their husband become the bad guy. Maybe its the martyrdom that some women see in their own mothers or maybe its something i dont know - but i know a lot of wives that complain their husbands dont do X, Y, Z but will do those very things for him everytime. As far as im concerned, if you are going to do them everytime - you are practically saying its okay not to do your share and i will pick up the slack.

Stef, that is so true, don't complain if you are not going to be a part of the solution of if you are going to turn around and still allow him to be a slacker

Sonicstef - girl where are you getting your nails from? You sure are hitting them on heads today!!

You ladies are on the ball!

Great advice. The only thing that I can add so far with my big 5 months of experience-talk about money before you get married-then keep talking about it. Its amazing how different your views can be about spending, saving, bills, debt, etc . It will save you from having problems later.

I guess the best advice I can give is....

Expect the unexpected.

Throughout the planning process and the start of your marriage, you will see everyone, family, friends, your DH and maybe even yourself! in a different light.

You'll learn that some of your friends are better friends than you realized, and others (sometimes the closest ones) are not really friends at all.

You'll learn all the quirks of family...his and yours.

You'll come to realize that no matter HOW in love you are, or HOW compatible you are, you will run into rough spots with your FH/DH every now and then.

Expect disappointment. I know that sounds so pessimistic, and I'm sorry. What I mean by it is that we all go into this with such high expectations, not just for the wedding day itself, but for the marriage. EVERYONE has at least one disappointment before it is all said and done, whether it's something as minor as the DJ making a mistake, or it raining on your wedding day, to something more serious and more relationship related. Expect something to disappoint you, and you'll be better prepared to handle it and move forward.

Be flexible. Life rarely goes according to our plans.

Remember to play and have fun with your DH. Allow each other to be 'little kids' again, and act silly now and then.

Don't strive for perfection. There's no such thing.

Never 'throw out the baby with the bath water.' Just because there may be a problem area between you, don't let it define the entire relationship.

perfectly said.


I would only add...be open to learning. More about everybody, and everything. Do not expect that you are going into this with set beliefs that cannot be altered. It's like school. It's okay to change your mind after you have learned something new or thought something through.