QOTD WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED??

GREAT Topic!!

I agree with Liz and Shamma.

Marriage forces you to work on the foundation you've both work so hard to build. I once lived with someone (way, way before hubby and i got together) and after things broke off, I vowed never to do that again. After several months of dating my husband he wanted us to live together because it had become so common place these days - I refused and he was shocked at first, but got over it and never approached the subject again! We've been married going on 3 years and we are doing great! Not everyone needs to live together first in order to get to know each other.

Marriage has taught me to be more patient overall, it has taught me that when you have someone on your side that loves you, you don't have to worry too much about the challenges that you face because you know that person will be there fighting all the way with you. My marriage has given me security and the financial freedom to do whatever I want to do. Had I still been single, I would not have been able to finish school full time! My husband has seen me at my utterly worse and at my highest points. When we have children together we hope to raise them to the best of our ablility and give them a respectful, happy, loving stable home. It's unfortunate, but in this society marriage gives women a certain amount of respect - people look at you differently after your wedding day. And, like most couples, having the wedding of our dreams was also a nice little added bonus to our union.

I could go on and on, but overall, I got married because I truly love my husband, he understands me and laughs at my weird nutty ways! We are friends and we have similiar backgrounds and goals for our lives. It's so nice to know you always have a shoulder to cry on and another person there when life gets really hard!

Happy marriage everyone!

~Cheers~

Great question.

First I have to disagree with those who think a commitment of living together is an equal commitment as a marriage. There are definitely things about marriage that make it harder to just walk away. Not only legal issues, but the psychological issues of being a 'family.' Walking away from a relationship as an unmarried couple is simply a breakup of the couple. Walking away from a marriage is breaking up a family, whether there are children or not.

I know I never felt like a family with my DH until we were married. I'm sure a lot of other newlyweds also felt a stronger sense of 'now we're really a family' after the wedding.

I'm not saying that people living together aren't 'real' families, but there is still a deeper psychological commitment that goes along with marriage, a deeper and truer sense of 'family.' In that way, it's a stronger commitment.

I married my DH because I was ready to move forward with my life, no longer needed or wanted to be single. He was everything I dreamed of and thought I'd never find. I know marrying him was one of the best decisions I have made in my life so far. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who makes me laugh, who brings out the little girl in me, who loves me like no one has ever loved me before, and whom I know will always be my strong shoulder to lean on when I need to, I have no doubts about trusting him, and I love him with a tender, quiet, REAL love, that I've never felt before. My relationships were usually passionate, unstable, dysfunctional messes! LOL. They were great for the thrill, but the heartache wasn't worth it.

Someone once told me, there are men you play with, and men you marry---and they are not one and the same. They were so very right!!

We discussed living together first, but both decided not to do it. We thought it would take away some of the excitement and newness of being a newlywed and living together for the first time. Naturally, that's what we felt was best for US, I'm not saying everyone should feel that way.

Good thread b/c some of what is being said is completely shocking me!

Maybe I am more leery of marriage or maybe b/c Im very opposed to risk taking - but if I didnt ALREADY think and feel the way you guys are saying you felt after you got married, I would have never said yes to the proposal.

Maybe thats why it took us so long - ehhehehe

I also think marriage changes the man's level of commitment more profoundly than the woman's.

How many times in my dating years have I heard a man who was in a 'committed' relationship say....'Yeah, I have a girlfriend, but I'm NOT married...' I don't think men really feel the full sense of commitment until they tie the knot, or until they get the ring on her finger. That's why so many of them take forever to do it!! LOL.

Right after my DH and I got married, he started giving me money. He'd never given me money before. But suddenly he was handing me 100 dollars here, and 60 dollars there. I kept saying, 'I don't need it. I'm fine.' It was so strange!!

It was his new sense of responsibility. He was now someone's HUSBAND, and was trying to act the part in his own way. So cute....

So marriage absolutely changes things. It deepens the sense of commitment, of responsibility, of willingness to sacrifice, and willingness to be vulnerable. I just don't think that happens fully when you're just shacked up.

JMHO.

Kmcwed...you're right on target!!! My hubby is always saying are you okay? Do you need more money etc.

Simply put, marriage is a selfless institution!

karen, I agree with you 100%
I actually lived w/DH before getting married, but a lot of circumstances lead to that, for one, my Mom passing, I needed him like crazy and still do to help me get through the tough moments.
Otherwise, I would not have lived with him.
ALthough I must say living together did get me to start feeling more like One, started saying We alot more. But even with that, it was a dramatic change after the wedding.
DH takes care of me like you wouldn't believe. You are so right about the man's sense of responsibitlity. He takes being a Husband very seriously. I love it

Yes Sandy You are so right I have learned it is a Selfless Institution

We got married for a lot of the same reasons already mentioned.
My DH and I just talked about how different it is to now be married compared to living together. I don't think there is a difference in the level of committment. But for me, there is a difference in my state of mind. It's almost a kind of peace. I'm not sure how to put it into words......maybe it has to do with feeling like our own family, separate from our bigger family???? I definitely do think there is a difference, at least for us.

Karen- your DH giving you money made me laugh. A couple of weeks ago, my DH left a little note ' in case you need it!' with a $20! I thought that was so cute

Karen I agree 100%, I like the way you put it. Not saying that Roger wasn't concerned about me before, but now there is this thing that has come out, like his softer side, that he is no longer afraid to show, hey its my wife, if I can't show her, then who can I show He has such concern when I am late coming home etc. Marriage is an institution indeed and I am enjoying being in it.

Roger was leaving for his trip to Boston a couple of weeks ago and he left me a $100 I said what's this for?? and he said in case you need anything, I quickly accepted

lOL: I just got a thought for a new thread, BRB

I thought my hubby was the only one that did that. He went camping 2 weeks ago with his brother and dad and gave me money for gas and food!

Why did I get married...hmmmm....

Ok for starters:

-He loved me more than anyone I had ever met.
-He loved me more than I loved myself.
-He told me that the idea of me having his children gave him a feeling of comfort unlike any he had before.
-I knew the second I saw him that I was in love with him. (Not kidding)
-The idea of marrying him gave me a feeling of comfort and security without any pretense.
-He was my best friend first.
-I could talk to him about anything, even before we started dating.
-He listened to me and HEARD me at the same time.
-He made/makes me laugh!

Hmm...I have plenty more reasons...I have to think.

Marriage always scared me (maybe that is why I didn't get married until I was 36). Even when I was preparing for the wedding, I was afraid of what marriage would bring.

But now that I am married, I have to say it is so WONDERFUL!!!

It is incredible to have my DH to wake up with everyday, to laugh with at stupid TV shows, to burn dinners with, to have romantic candlelight dinners with during a blackout..... this list goes on and on.

I think I was afraid of marriage since my parents divorced and I saw all the pain that was involved in such a relationship. But now I have learned all the joy that a relationship can bring.

That is wonderful Jeanene. Marraige is definitley a beautiful thing
No more need to be afraid

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to
be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to
live without you. - Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh has the right idea except I would say I wil live to be a hundred also and die w/my hubby so he doesn't have to live w/o me either

I got married b/c my family would NEVER have approved of me shacking up and living in sin for the rest of my life. Seriously.

Of course, I fell madly in love with Jeff, we were instantly best friends and just had to be together - which is why I moved 3,000 miles away from my home to start my life with him. But despite the fact that we were living together and absolutely 100% committed to one another, I still did not feel 'secure' about it until he proposed. He never understood this, and I can't really explain why - but in all honesty, I really do think it has a lot to do with my family's values and views on pre-marital shacking.

Just want to be clear - I said yes and got married with both eyes open - knowing our relationship was rooted in love, honesty and trust, and that what we share is the most amazing connection I've ever experienced in my life.

I married my best friend. I married the man who puts me before him, every single day, in every situation.

I married someone I can't imagine ever spending a single day without.

I married my DH because without him, I wouldn't be the me, that I am now