Question about friends....(long...vent)

Have many of you girls lost friends since the wedding? I mean, not necessarilty by their choice. I have these two friends who still think it is OK to stop by my house at all hours of the day & night (which used to be the norm at my place), and call me at 10pm & say things like...we're coming over to get you out of the house.

I tried to tell them that I am married now & DH gets up early & that I actually like spending time at home with him... they told me I was a 'sellout'....but yet they will not go away...like they think they have to save me or something...

Another group of friends is even worse. They are a couple, not married or engaged, but all in long relationships. The one girl resentes me b/c her bf won't commit & always passes comments like ...'Must you always talk about your husband'...no, I didn't realize I did. She tells me I am rubbing it in her face....I aplogized but she is still giving me grief.

Here's the thing. I always pride myself on being a good friend, and sacrificing a little for friendship, but knowing when to call it quits if need be. I feel like I am being accused of being a bad friend or abandoning my friends so I could be happy. I personally would be thrilled if I got 'abandoned' by someone who was begining a new life...I just don't get it...how can my marriage become the 'cause' of all this bitterness?

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

I lost a friend but that was from her behavior and actions during her wedding three years ago.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now. I think what happens is that some of our friends don't accept the changes in our lives and how it affects them.

I think the only thing you can do is be honest with your friends and try to find some common ground. I still like to see my single friends so I see them for a drink or dinner, then they go out to a bar for the rest of the night (not something I'm into anymore)

Good luck!

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

I have not lost friends per se....most of them live far away (even when I was in NY). I do understand the behavior...when I was bar hopping with the girls, whenever one of us got a new BF, we would stop going out to bars every weekend and spend time with the BF. But we all understood it....we didn't like it much.

Right after the wedding, DH stopped a lot of his late night video gaming, but still went once a week or every other week, it was the only time he got to see some of the guys, and I even pushed him to do it sometimes.

But yes, I feel that my time is best spent at home with my husband. He IS my best friend, and I'm glad my girl friends understand this is my life and a new stage....most of us are going through certain stages of it right now (moving in, engaged, newlyweds). I'm also grateful that they try to bea part of my life now. I'm not one for partying anymore...even before we got married.

But yes....sometimes you have to hold back on certain friends. If your new life bothers them that much...stop coming around. There are some newlyweds that still party and do their girl/guy nights...not us. AT least as much...I'm sure if DH friends came to visit, he'll be staying up late.

Let em go if you have to....maybe they just need to 'grow up' a little. You always have us!!!

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

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Posted by btrflygrl

Let em go if you have to....maybe they just need to 'grow up' a little. You always have us!!!

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This is true

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

Great subject for me... My best friend of 10 years suddenly started acting weird. She was in my bridal party but didn't help with anything. She said she had no time or no money... and complained about the dress.. All this stuff that I would NEVER think that she would do... Now I get the old 'I'll call you later in the week and we'll chat' well later in the week never comes and I wind up calling her..
Then when we do call its like she talks about going out till 4am and just sounds like she's trying to make me jealous that she goes out.. I don't get it and it REALLY hurts that she would act that way... but I see what I have now and know that I'm the bigger person and in the future she'll see what she's doing..

Just hang in there and try to get through the pain... like these other girls said.. we're all here!

`Deb

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

Yes, I do not speak to one bridesmaid at all anymore and the other one, we're not having an argument or anything, I just got tired if always asking her when it was a good time to come over or when did she want to get together. I know she's busy but there's more to it I think. Whatever.

It just sucks because they're in my pictures and it's like 'great I don't talk to one anymore and the other I do'nt know what is going on' so I feel like they are ruined now, for all intents and purposes.

Luckily enough most my friends are married so I don't get the guilt trip.

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

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Posted by Maribelle7777

It just sucks because they're in my pictures and it's like 'great I don't talk to one anymore and the other I do'nt know what is going on' so I feel like they are ruined now, for all intents and purposes.

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I feel the same way...like a ton of my pics are ruined b/c I shudder just seeing them there....

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

I lost a friend. She was a bridesmaid and was not there at all during the whole process.

She was late to my shower and was the first to leave. All the girls decided to get one big gift from all of them and she never paid them for her share. She 'forgot' about my bachelorette party so she didn't go. Then she left my wedding before I cut the cake and didn't say goodbye. Then she said that I was a b**ch for being upset.

After this past year, I decided that she wasn't a friend at all and I said goodbye to her.

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

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Posted by HearzBellz

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Posted by Maribelle7777

It just sucks because they're in my pictures and it's like 'great I don't talk to one anymore and the other I do'nt know what is going on' so I feel like they are ruined now, for all intents and purposes.

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I feel the same way...like a ton of my pics are ruined b/c I shudder just seeing them there....

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Ditto. I had 2 of DHs cousins in my wedding. They were horrible. One was a complete wench...Luckily, there is ONE photo with just 'MY' other 3 bridesmaids dancing together...we have that one up on the wall.

Well, we don't talk to his 2 cousins because they were rotten with regard to the whole wedding process.

but, as for my friends, my VERY BEST friend moved to FL 9 months before the wedding to pursue her MSW degree. I was VERY SAD because she missed my shower. But, she made up for it by taking me to AC for the weekend before the wedding.

Whenever she is in town, DH and I both drop everything to see her because she's only here a couple of times per year.

As for our other friends, they still live with their parents. So, they are MORE than thrilled that we have 'a place' that they can come and hang out at...(it's sad...these are people who SHOULD and who COULD be living out on their own...)

I'd say the biggest change happened when I started going to sleep early because I have to get up early for work. All of my friends know that they will be in BIG trouble if they call after 10 pm on a weeknight...

Before the wedding, one of my best guy friends called at 3 am because he was upset about a fight he had with his girlfriend. DH FREAKED out because it was so late. But, I talked to my friend for an hour...but, he NEVER called me back after that...

I have another friend who is a little weird, but she got that way before I was even engaged, so I can't blame the new husband for that one...

My other good guy friend got married right before us, so we're kind of in the same boat and there are no problems there...

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

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Posted by HearzBellz

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Posted by Maribelle7777

It just sucks because they're in my pictures and it's like 'great I don't talk to one anymore and the other I do'nt know what is going on' so I feel like they are ruined now, for all intents and purposes.

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I feel the same way...like a ton of my pics are ruined b/c I shudder just seeing them there....

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Even worse is that they were great during the whole engagement period. It was afterwards that things got weird.

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

I have a few single friends that are starting to complain they do not see me on a regular basis- I still see my friends but the single ones do not understand that I love to be at home spending time with my husband. I completely know how you feel. I also have another friend that is complaining to me lately I am lika a ghost- hello- real life has set in, I have more responsiblities now. My married freinds understand. I see my single friends once or twice every few weeks.

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

I guess we were pretty lucky because we were the last single people ... all of our friends are married & have kids!

Re: Question about friends....(long...vent)

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Posted by Maribelle7777

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Posted by HearzBellz

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Posted by Maribelle7777

It just sucks because they're in my pictures and it's like 'great I don't talk to one anymore and the other I do'nt know what is going on' so I feel like they are ruined now, for all intents and purposes.

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I feel the same way...like a ton of my pics are ruined b/c I shudder just seeing them there....

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Even worse is that they were great during the whole engagement period. It was afterwards that things got weird.

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EXACTLY Like they were so supportive & happy for us (DH & I have been friends a long time, so they are OUR friends, not just mine...)and now it is like we bailed on them or something