schedule conflict, what would you do?

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Posted by PegaLega

Sorry girl, Im going to go against the grain.
You should go to the wedding. I know how irritated I was by those that RSVPed Yes and didnt show~those that had 'valid' reasons were a different story. I totally understand its your good friend birthday...but you have prior commitments. maybe you can go and leave early~im sure your friends bday party wont be over before the wedding~just scoot out early.

I feel like you already made a commitment to go and as weird and odd as she sounds she is obviously sooo excited that you will at her weddding, I feel like you not going will really effect her badly.

And for those that posted on here and said not to go, shame on you! I KNOW I have seen NWs post on this board about people who didnt show, etc. and whining and moaning about it.....Im sorry but she should go and its the right thing to do. How would you guys feel if you found out those that RSVPed yes didnt come b/c of a birthday party? Dont say you wouldnt be upset b/c your full of it.

As for you Denise, I can tell you arent happy about the situation and I understand that you are torn, but I would definitely try and figure a way to go to the reception even if it meant ducking out early for your friends birthday b/c I KNOW you know its the right thing

ETA: Id CH starts at 5, then the reception starts at 6~I would leave at 8 and meet up with your friend for her birthday

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Aww i wish i saw this before I posted it would have saved me a lot of typing time. i could have quoted you and put ITA .

Denise I think this is one of those things where if you have to ask you already know the answer kwim?

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Posted by MeNBobs
Aww i wish i saw this before I posted it would have saved me a lot of typing time. i could have quoted you and put ITA .

Denise I think this is one of those things where if you have to ask you already know the answer kwim?

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ITA with this

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Posted by MeNBobs

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Posted by PegaLega

Sorry girl, Im going to go against the grain.
You should go to the wedding. I know how irritated I was by those that RSVPed Yes and didnt show~those that had 'valid' reasons were a different story. I totally understand its your good friend birthday...but you have prior commitments. maybe you can go and leave early~im sure your friends bday party wont be over before the wedding~just scoot out early.

I feel like you already made a commitment to go and as weird and odd as she sounds she is obviously sooo excited that you will at her weddding, I feel like you not going will really effect her badly.

And for those that posted on here and said not to go, shame on you! I KNOW I have seen NWs post on this board about people who didnt show, etc. and whining and moaning about it.....Im sorry but she should go and its the right thing to do. How would you guys feel if you found out those that RSVPed yes didnt come b/c of a birthday party? Dont say you wouldnt be upset b/c your full of it.

As for you Denise, I can tell you arent happy about the situation and I understand that you are torn, but I would definitely try and figure a way to go to the reception even if it meant ducking out early for your friends birthday b/c I KNOW you know its the right thing

ETA: Id CH starts at 5, then the reception starts at 6~I would leave at 8 and meet up with your friend for her birthday

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Aww i wish i saw this before I posted it would have saved me a lot of typing time. i could have quoted you and put ITA .

Denise I think this is one of those things where if you have to ask you already know the answer kwim?

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I totally agree with both of you. If you committed to going the wedding, I think you should go. If the evite just went out today, is it possible to ask her boyfriend if he could start the party later? 5:00 is pretty early for a birthday party -- may not be possible, but if it is a good friend, he might be able to bump it up an hour or so, so you could leave the wedding early and still be at more of your friend's party.

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Posted by PegaLega

Sorry girl, Im going to go against the grain.
You should go to the wedding. I know how irritated I was by those that RSVPed Yes and didnt show~those that had 'valid' reasons were a different story. I totally understand its your good friend birthday...but you have prior commitments. maybe you can go and leave early~im sure your friends bday party wont be over before the wedding~just scoot out early.

I feel like you already made a commitment to go and as weird and odd as she sounds she is obviously sooo excited that you will at her weddding, I feel like you not going will really effect her badly.

And for those that posted on here and said not to go, shame on you! I KNOW I have seen NWs post on this board about people who didnt show, etc. and whining and moaning about it.....Im sorry but she should go and its the right thing to do. How would you guys feel if you found out those that RSVPed yes didnt come b/c of a birthday party? Dont say you wouldnt be upset b/c your full of it.

As for you Denise, I can tell you arent happy about the situation and I understand that you are torn, but I would definitely try and figure a way to go to the reception even if it meant ducking out early for your friends birthday b/c I KNOW you know its the right thing

ETA: Id CH starts at 5, then the reception starts at 6~I would leave at 8 and meet up with your friend for her birthday

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I think most NWs were upset about people rsvping yes and not showing up at all. Denise is going to give her 2 weeks notice if she decides not to go. Im going to assume the bride hasnt given her count in yet or paid the final balance. The bride is obviously someone Denise doesnt know so I doubt even Denise would have noticed if she was at her wedding or not if she hadnt been crying and hugging her.

Shoot, I was happy when a few of DH's coworkers that I didnt know RSVPed yes then cancelled. It less for me to dish out and I didnt miss them cuz I dont know them. But thats just me.

If it is possible though she can always leave the reception early.

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Posted by jennandrolo

I think most NWs were upset about people rsvping yes and not showing up at all. Denise is going to give her 2 weeks notice if she decides not to go. Im going to assume the bride hasnt given her count in yet or paid the final balance. The bride is obviously someone Denise doesnt know so I doubt even Denise would have noticed if she was at her wedding or not if she hadnt been crying and hugging her.

Shoot, I was happy when a few of DH's coworkers that I didnt know RSVPed yes then cancelled. It less for me to dish out and I didnt miss them cuz I dont know them. But thats just me.

If it is possible though she can always leave the reception early.

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Yes the NWs who complained did so b/c they paid for peoples plates and they didnt show...it has nothing to do with coming or not coming to the ceremony.

I could care less who came to my ceremony, I paid one price for that...I had total strangers come into the church during the ceremony. We dont know hwo far away the date is, we dont know when the count needed to be in, mine had to be in 1 week prior, Ive heard of places asking a month prior.

its the right thing to do regardless, she obviously invited her for a reason (even tho she barely knows her) and unfortunately 'something better came up' and she should not go???

I think its hypocritical IMO. To have people say how upset they were that people didnt show.....how do we know they didnt find something better to do? Or they didnt consider those brides 'close' friends? It just shocks me to hear people say 'make up and excuse'

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Posted by gemmifer

That is a tough one. How far are you from the wedding date?
I am kind of feeling like you made a prior commitment weather she cried not cried.. etc..

I donno. to me it is kind of like a better deal came up.
ITU that it is your bf bday but regardless , for me I would just not feel right back out for that reason b/c it is a wedding.

do you think this girl would understand or be hurt

Again - I am not sure I most probably would explain to the host the situation and that you cannot back out of the deal and send a card to the host that day to give to your friend apologizing as to why you cannot attend and that you would like to do something with her at another date.
That is just me thou



ETA - My good friends would totally understand to. esp if I made the prior commitment not knowing of their bday. That just goes w/out saying..

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I agree with this. at best, I'd leave early. I'd be really bummed knowing someone who responded yes then changed their mind to go to a birthday party. I just think it's the right think to do since you said you were going, and it's a wedding.

i would definitely leave the wedding on the earlier side and go to the party late.

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Posted by jennandrolo

I think most NWs were upset about people rsvping yes and not showing up at all. Denise is going to give her 2 weeks notice if she decides not to go. Im going to assume the bride hasnt given her count in yet or paid the final balance. The bride is obviously someone Denise doesnt know so I doubt even Denise would have noticed if she was at her wedding or not if she hadnt been crying and hugging her.

Shoot, I was happy when a few of DH's coworkers that I didnt know RSVPed yes then cancelled. It less for me to dish out and I didnt miss them cuz I dont know them. But thats just me.

If it is possible though she can always leave the reception early.

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Yes, two weeks is prob enough time to bail out and not have the bride pay for a no show but I think the resoning of something better came along is a crappy reason to not go. If the OP felt so weirded out by this person she should have sent in a RSVP of no from day one. She obviously, at that time, wanted to go to the wedding so the actions of this person were not extreme enough to deter her.

It seems like she will be able to do both events in the one night and not hurt anyone in the process.

i dont have time to read all of the responses so im not sure if you answered this, but how do the times overlap?

I would go to the wedding and reception but leave early and then go late to the birthday party. i think both people will understand.

If they overlap entirely maybe you can go to the ceremony and skip the reception giving the bride as much notice as possible?

Hmm this is a toughie but I think I know what I would do.

First - a few questions...is this chick having a day wedding? Is your mom invited or going? Where is your friends party and what time will it go to??

Also I think maybe she just got caught up in the emotions and that's why she cried so much...especially bc her wedding is so soon. I tend to cry at everyones wedding...even if I don't know them!

Ok as for what I would do - I would go to the church and the reception but cut out early - 9 ish and say you have another family party to go to. Tootles! You will never see her again will you? A few people had to leave our wedding early and I was not heartbroken or anything!

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by gemmifer

That is a tough one. How far are you from the wedding date?
I am kind of feeling like you made a prior commitment weather she cried not cried.. etc..

I donno. to me it is kind of like a better deal came up.
ITU that it is your bf bday but regardless , for me I would just not feel right back out for that reason b/c it is a wedding.

do you think this girl would understand or be hurt

Again - I am not sure I most probably would explain to the host the situation and that you cannot back out of the deal and send a card to the host that day to give to your friend apologizing as to why you cannot attend and that you would like to do something with her at another date.
That is just me thou



ETA - My good friends would totally understand to. esp if I made the prior commitment not knowing of their bday. That just goes w/out saying..

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I agree with this. at best, I'd leave early. I'd be really bummed knowing someone who responded yes then changed their mind to go to a birthday party. I just think it's the right think to do since you said you were going, and it's a wedding.

i would definitely leave the wedding on the earlier side and go to the party late.

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Thank you (started to think I was nuts)

Peg Cat

I never back out on a commitment, it is NOT the right thing to do regardless. sorry That just seems horrible esp if the bride found out

I would leave it out there to 'try' to make bday party - but if you cannot do it than so be it. Don't stretch yourself so thin that night. Not to mention how stressed you will be thinking of when you have to leave to get to the next event .. blah blah blah..

I really think if this is a good friend she will understand the circumstances. I would NOT be mad at my friend if the situation were reversed everyone has a life and a busy one at that. The world does not revolve around me ALL THE TIME (though I wish it did)

O.k I have to make a joke now..

I am glad I didn't invite some of you girls to my wedding

thank you ladies for all your suggestions.

Let me give a bit more background on the situation. I never sent this person an invite to my wedding. The week of the wedding i was below my minimum and MIL asked me if she can invite 4 ppl from church bc they had done some nice things for her recently and felt bad that she didn't invite them in the first place. So i said it was fine.

I never met this person before my wedding, my wedding was the only time i have spoken to this person.

Its just hard bc this friend was a bm in my wedding, she paid money to go to my bachelorette party in vegas, gave me a very generous gift for my shower, and not to mention other bp expenses such as dress, hair, make up, shoes and all that. Plus she is a good friend and always there for everybody. Even this past weekend at helens wedding she drove my mom home, although she had about 3 other ppl to drive home, and my mom was in the complete opposite direction from where she lives and the wedding was in SI, she left the wedding at 12:30 and got home at 3am bc of driving everyone and she was so nice about taking my mom home. Its just hard after all shes done for me this year to not be there for her 30th birthday ya know

Jenn-no my mom doesnt know this person. MIL will be at the wedding though. And wont really see her again, well on holidays when we go to church i might see her since she sings in the choir and after mass we wait for MIL

the reason the birthday party is at 5pm is bc it will be at this place called the water taxi. Its an outside bar/club in queens that is right on the water, they made it like a beach setting with sand and all that. ALot of ppl go in the daytime, kind of the way you would go to neptunes. So if i leave the wedding at 9pm, i wont get there until 10pm and they will already have been partying for 5 hours in the sun and drinking alot lol.

I do understand what others are saying about rsvp'ing yes and then saying no. This is why i even asked the question bc i was torn about this. I know how much it does s*ck for the bride when this happens. But it also is gonna s*ck to tell a good friend that i cant go to her 30th birthday for somebody i dont even know, im sure shes going to ask whose wedding it is and im gonna have to say someone that is in the choir with MIL. So basically it comes down to, a bride that ive only met once being 1 less person short at her wedding and being upset about it or not going to a real good friends birthday for somebody i dont even really know

DH told me to not worry about it and go to my friends birthday and that he will go to the wedding and meet me later.

and of course, not only is it the same day but both start the exact same time. I have never backed out of a commitment i said yes to before in my life.

You have to do what is right in your heart. I am sure your going to get conflicting results on here.

yeah its hard bc i also believe that if you said yes then honor that. Although i did have that happen at my wedding and didnt get mad about everyone that did so, just 1 but only bc i still havent heard from them

my other philosophy is that you never miss real good friends birthdays or any big events in their lives, and especially hard when this year there were a bunch of events for me

I think ill go to the wedding but leave early. I know some said to leave at 9pm but the CH starts at 5pm so thats being there for 4 hours, it probably will end at about 9pm lol. But leaving early i mean i wont even eat entree or any of that. And then rush to my friends birthday. Theres just no way i can miss her birthday, even if she completely understands i wont feel good about doing so. This girl was the MOH for her best friends wedding that was exactly 1 week before mine, and bachelorette party was a week before mine too and they went to miami, she could've easily said that she cant afford to do both and she knows i would've understood but no she said she still came.

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Posted by irishgrl1017

I would def. go to my friends birthday. I would call the woman and explain that you double booked and didnt realize until now. If its really close to the wedding I would make sure also to cover my seat. And in any case would still send her something. But I would def. not miss my good friends 30th over someones wedding who I dont really know.

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yeah i am gonna give a cash gift no matter what. Even if dh went alone he'd give it. But i might go just for the beginning part.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by irishgrl1017

I would def. go to my friends birthday. I would call the woman and explain that you double booked and didnt realize until now. If its really close to the wedding I would make sure also to cover my seat. And in any case would still send her something. But I would def. not miss my good friends 30th over someones wedding who I dont really know.

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yeah i am gonna give a cash gift no matter what. Even if dh went alone he'd give it. But i might go just for the beginning part.

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Yeah thats what I would do.

Wrong website to ask this question on, Denise.

What do you THINK the overwhelming answers are going to be?

I say go to the friend's bday, and screw the wedding. Just send a gift, and go to the ceremony.

If this was someone you'd see frequently, or even someone you KNEW it'd be a different story.

I could never miss one of my BM's 30th bdays. Zero percent chance.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by irishgrl1017

I would def. go to my friends birthday. I would call the woman and explain that you double booked and didnt realize until now. If its really close to the wedding I would make sure also to cover my seat. And in any case would still send her something. But I would def. not miss my good friends 30th over someones wedding who I dont really know.

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yeah i am gonna give a cash gift no matter what. Even if dh went alone he'd give it. But i might go just for the beginning part.

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I think this is a fair compromise...