schedule conflict, what would you do?

Ok I just received an evite for my friends 30th birthday party, her bf is throwing her the party.

The problem is that its the same day i am attending a wedding. When i opened it at first i thought it wouldnt be that bad bc its probably at night i can go after the wedding but it starts at 5pm her party. She was a bm and its a big birthday, i really dont want to miss her birthday shes understanding but still doesnt mean i'll feel better about it.

The wedding is soon, and i already rsvp'd yes a while ago. I dont know this person well, but i still feel guilty. At my wedding she came to the ceremony and cried at the ceremony, at the reception she kept coming up to us and was so nice. I even feel bad bc she even went up to two bm's and said OMG you guys looks so great, its been so long and they had no idea who she was, they acted nice though. But she was like that with me too at the wedding, MIL invited her bc they are in the choir together and know eachother well. DH went to school with her but they didnt hang out much he was nice to her though. So when she saw me she acted like she knew me for years so i wonder if i just dont remember or shes just like that. I also know she told MIL how happy she was that we were coming to her wedding, so im feeling guilty.

Today is the first time i hear about my friends party, i think its a surprise. Its in 2 weeks.

What would you do? would you go to the wedding or would you go to a good friends party. I mean the answer seems obvious to me but i feel bad about rsvp'ing yes and then changing it, i know how it upsets brides.

and the worst part is that i think Dh's good friend is also having his birthday party the same night, and he was one of our GM. Not sure yet but dh said yesterday he'll find out the date but last year he did it the same weekend.

ETA: i would never do this if i knew the person well, but i really dont know this person well at all whose wedding it is

Is the wedding a church/reception or all at the reception hall? Could you inform the bride that you are unable to attend the reception but still attend the wedding ceremony out of respect for her coming to your wedding?


I totally understand wanting to celebrate a birthday with such a good friend.

Good luck whatever you decide!

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Posted by Joette_Terese

Is the wedding a church/reception or all at the reception hall? Could you inform the bride that you are unable to attend the reception but still attend the wedding ceremony out of respect for her coming to your wedding?


I totally understand wanting to celebrate a birthday with such a good friend.

Good luck whatever you decide!

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she is having her ceremony in a church.

Thats actually a very good idea, thank you. I might definitely end up doing this.

Its just so weird bc at the wedding when she came up to me she started hugging me and crying, and it was one of those moments where i thought 'am i supposed to know you' i even asked dh after and he said he knows her but doesnt know how i would. I just feel bad bc of how nice she was at my wedding lol

Im sorry but she sounds a little weird!! You dont even know the girl and shes hugging you and crying?! I wouldnt have known what to do! I think you can get away with just going to the ceremony. I dont think I would miss one of my good friends 30 bday party. And if Pri is having his party youre gonna have a VERY busy day!

that's kinda strange that she acted like you were bff. But I think going to just the ceremony is a good choice.

We actually had family of Dh's respond that were coming to the CH only. That annoyed me. So don't do that.

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Posted by Songstress

Im sorry but she sounds a little weird!! You dont even know the girl and shes hugging you and crying?! I wouldnt have known what to do! I think you can get away with just going to the ceremony. I dont think I would miss one of my good friends 30 bday party. And if Pri is having his party youre gonna have a VERY busy day!

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i know i was so confused lol...at first i felt bad and thought 'omg am i supposed to remember you'

but yeah i really cant miss a good friends 30th birthday.

Well i told joe last night that he better find out soon if pri is doing anything, but its weird bc pri normally would've said something already to joe but joe said he hasnt said a word.

Oh god it will be hectic if he also does it the same night

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

that's kinda strange that she acted like you were bff. But I think going to just the ceremony is a good choice.

We actually had family of Dh's respond that were coming to the CH only. That annoyed me. So don't do that.

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thats just weird, yeah i definitely won't be doing that. CH is at 5pm anyways and my friends party starts at 5pm, even if i couldnt do that. I cant believe people actually did that

That is a tough one. How far are you from the wedding date?
I am kind of feeling like you made a prior commitment weather she cried not cried.. etc..

I donno. to me it is kind of like a better deal came up.
ITU that it is your bf bday but regardless , for me I would just not feel right back out for that reason b/c it is a wedding.

do you think this girl would understand or be hurt

Again - I am not sure I most probably would explain to the host the situation and that you cannot back out of the deal and send a card to the host that day to give to your friend apologizing as to why you cannot attend and that you would like to do something with her at another date.
That is just me thou



ETA - My good friends would totally understand to. esp if I made the prior commitment not knowing of their bday. That just goes w/out saying..

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

that's kinda strange that she acted like you were bff. But I think going to just the ceremony is a good choice.

We actually had family of Dh's respond that were coming to the CH only. That annoyed me. So don't do that.

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thats just weird, yeah i definitely won't be doing that. CH is at 5pm anyways and my friends party starts at 5pm, even if i couldnt do that. I cant believe people actually did that

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HAHA Thats definitely cause they want to freeload on food!!!

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

that's kinda strange that she acted like you were bff. But I think going to just the ceremony is a good choice.

We actually had family of Dh's respond that were coming to the CH only. That annoyed me. So don't do that.

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thats just weird, yeah i definitely won't be doing that. CH is at 5pm anyways and my friends party starts at 5pm, even if i couldnt do that. I cant believe people actually did that

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HAHA Thats definitely cause they want to freeload on food!!!

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DHs coworker pulled that stunt. He rsvped yes to coming so of course i paid for him and his gf. they left after the CH and apparently they knew for awhile that they would only make it for that but didnt tell us.

Honestly, I would always choose the wedding ESPECIALLY if I RSVPed already.

But you know I am a grandma so . . .

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Posted by ant n tilde

Honestly, I would always choose the wedding ESPECIALLY if I RSVPed already.

But you know I am a grandma so . . .

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I would honestly do the same....if I had RSVPed yes I would honor that. Maybe her party will still be going on later even though it starts at 5?

honestly... i understand your conflict and I would have the SAME feeling.

Having been a bride, I could never RSVP yes and then say I can't go this close to the wedding.. (unless, of course there was an emergency or I was sick)

I would still send a gift though...

but I honestly don't know what I would do...

wow.. tough decision...

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Posted by Snick n Nick

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Posted by ant n tilde

Honestly, I would always choose the wedding ESPECIALLY if I RSVPed already.

But you know I am a grandma so . . .

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I would honestly do the same....if I had RSVPed yes I would honor that. Maybe her party will still be going on later even though it starts at 5?

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yeah that's true... Just go to the wedding and a little of the reception and then head to your friends.

Knowing my friends, the party won't end until WELL after 2am

I would change my RSVP to no - go to the ceremony, then go to my good friend's 30th.

My CLOSE family and friends mean more to me than my MILs choir buddy, you know?

I agree with the majority. Don't feel guilty.

Sorry girl, Im going to go against the grain.
You should go to the wedding. I know how irritated I was by those that RSVPed Yes and didnt show~those that had 'valid' reasons were a different story. I totally understand its your good friend birthday...but you have prior commitments. maybe you can go and leave early~im sure your friends bday party wont be over before the wedding~just scoot out early.

I feel like you already made a commitment to go and as weird and odd as she sounds she is obviously sooo excited that you will at her weddding, I feel like you not going will really effect her badly.

And for those that posted on here and said not to go, shame on you! I KNOW I have seen NWs post on this board about people who didnt show, etc. and whining and moaning about it.....Im sorry but she should go and its the right thing to do. How would you guys feel if you found out those that RSVPed yes didnt come b/c of a birthday party? Dont say you wouldnt be upset b/c your full of it.

As for you Denise, I can tell you arent happy about the situation and I understand that you are torn, but I would definitely try and figure a way to go to the reception even if it meant ducking out early for your friends birthday b/c I KNOW you know its the right thing

ETA: Id CH starts at 5, then the reception starts at 6~I would leave at 8 and meet up with your friend for her birthday

I would go to the wedding. I think it would be rude at this point to change your RSVP yes to a no because something better came along.

I'm actually surprised by the number of people that said cancel on her I didn't expect to be in the minority. During planning every day was a vent from someone about a guest that cancelled so I thought people would be more on the bride's side.

Go to the wedding pre game for free and then leave after the cake. The birthday party won't get good till a few hours later anyway and you will prob save a fortune by having dinner and drinks at the wedding .