Ok I just received an evite for my friends 30th birthday party, her bf is throwing her the party.
The problem is that its the same day i am attending a wedding. When i opened it at first i thought it wouldnt be that bad bc its probably at night i can go after the wedding but it starts at 5pm her party. She was a bm and its a big birthday, i really dont want to miss her birthday shes understanding but still doesnt mean i'll feel better about it.
The wedding is soon, and i already rsvp'd yes a while ago. I dont know this person well, but i still feel guilty. At my wedding she came to the ceremony and cried at the ceremony, at the reception she kept coming up to us and was so nice. I even feel bad bc she even went up to two bm's and said OMG you guys looks so great, its been so long and they had no idea who she was, they acted nice though. But she was like that with me too at the wedding, MIL invited her bc they are in the choir together and know eachother well. DH went to school with her but they didnt hang out much he was nice to her though. So when she saw me she acted like she knew me for years so i wonder if i just dont remember or shes just like that. I also know she told MIL how happy she was that we were coming to her wedding, so im feeling guilty.
Today is the first time i hear about my friends party, i think its a surprise. Its in 2 weeks.
What would you do? would you go to the wedding or would you go to a good friends party. I mean the answer seems obvious to me but i feel bad about rsvp'ing yes and then changing it, i know how it upsets brides.
and the worst part is that i think Dh's good friend is also having his birthday party the same night, and he was one of our GM. Not sure yet but dh said yesterday he'll find out the date but last year he did it the same weekend.
ETA: i would never do this if i knew the person well, but i really dont know this person well at all whose wedding it is
jennandrolo
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
yea now i further support my answer and say go to the birthday! lol
Espo22
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by beachbum05
Wrong website to ask this question on, Denise.
What do you THINK the overwhelming answers are going to be?
I say go to the friend's bday, and screw the wedding. Just send a gift, and go to the ceremony.
If this was someone you'd see frequently, or even someone you KNEW it'd be a different story.
I could never miss one of my BM's 30th bdays. Zero percent chance.
i know, i should've thought about it first
I feel the same way, i just cant miss one of my bm's birthday and 30th bday is a pretty big one. Ill find a way to make it work, i dont care if i have to go to both events. Its a small price to pay, even if i do have to run around it, theres just some things you do for friends. I know no matter what, theres no way i will miss it, and like i said not somebody that has done alot for me this year ya know.
This is how i looked at the situation, i put myself in both of their shoes. As the bride, how upset would i be if someone i met only once rsvpd yes but then didnt end up coming to my wedding, i hate to say this but i definitely would not be hurt, sad, disappointed or any of that. A close friend or family member of course but i wouldnt get upset if someone i met once wasnt able to attend my wedding, i'd just be like ok gotta cross them off the list. I had a friend who rsvp'd yes and was one of the first to rsvp yes, but the weekend before my wedding told me she couldn't go and this was someone i know for a long time plus when she told me i had already given my final headcount and paid, and i understood. We even had a GM who couldn't make it, and i understood. I dont think most of us can say we would be hurt that someone we met only once didnt attend our wedding.
Then i put myself in my friends shoes, would i be upset if a good friend didnt attend my 30th birthday party, and someone that i was a bm for and did alot for the same year. And yeah i would be hurt, i wouldnt get mad at them and fight with them but inside i would be a bit hurt.
I have to look at who would i effect more by not going.
Like i said, ill go to the ceremony and go to the reception for a lil but i am leaving pretty early on and then going straight to my friends birthday. This way i do the right thing by both but more importantly i wanna make sure i do right by someone im close to and care about
sophisticat13
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Coming in on the end of this thread...I would be in conflict too!! I would go to the wedding, give a cash gift and leave early to go to your friend's b-day. Then you are still honoring yourself, the bride and your friend. That's what I would do.
jtgarsik
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
sorry girl - i'm on the same boat with Pegs and the others..to me, you already made the commitment to go to the wedding..if it was a month from now, no biggie, but two weeks isn't that far away. I'd do pegs idea...go, duck out at 8ish & then head over to your friends party..i'm sure there will be PLENTY of partying left to do To me it's the right thing to do..and i'd have been livid if i found out someone cancelled last minute just to go to a birthday party. show ur face, give your gift...it'll make the bride happy..then go party ur little booty off with ur friend for her birthday. no harm done & everyone will be happy, including yourself
jtgarsik
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
lol - just read through the thread & saw that u pretty much came to a conclusion! glad to see u're gonna try to make it to both good luck!
What
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by beachbum05
I say go to the friend's bday, and screw the wedding.
wow.
What
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by Espo22
Posted by beachbum05
Wrong website to ask this question on, Denise.
What do you THINK the overwhelming answers are going to be?
I say go to the friend's bday, and screw the wedding. Just send a gift, and go to the ceremony.
If this was someone you'd see frequently, or even someone you KNEW it'd be a different story.
I could never miss one of my BM's 30th bdays. Zero percent chance.
i know, i should've thought about it first
I feel the same way, i just cant miss one of my bm's birthday and 30th bday is a pretty big one. Ill find a way to make it work, i dont care if i have to go to both events. Its a small price to pay, even if i do have to run around it, theres just some things you do for friends. I know no matter what, theres no way i will miss it, and like i said not somebody that has done alot for me this year ya know.
This is how i looked at the situation, i put myself in both of their shoes. As the bride, how upset would i be if someone i met only once rsvpd yes but then didnt end up coming to my wedding, i hate to say this but i definitely would not be hurt, sad, disappointed or any of that. A close friend or family member of course but i wouldnt get upset if someone i met once wasnt able to attend my wedding, i'd just be like ok gotta cross them off the list. I had a friend who rsvp'd yes and was one of the first to rsvp yes, but the weekend before my wedding told me she couldn't go and this was someone i know for a long time plus when she told me i had already given my final headcount and paid, and i understood. We even had a GM who couldn't make it, and i understood. I dont think most of us can say we would be hurt that someone we met only once didnt attend our wedding.
Then i put myself in my friends shoes, would i be upset if a good friend didnt attend my 30th birthday party, and someone that i was a bm for and did alot for the same year. And yeah i would be hurt, i wouldnt get mad at them and fight with them but inside i would be a bit hurt.
I have to look at who would i effect more by not going.
Like i said, ill go to the ceremony and go to the reception for a lil but i am leaving pretty early on and then going straight to my friends birthday. This way i do the right thing by both but more importantly i wanna make sure i do right by someone im close to and care about
Denise, I can see how torn you are... and I think you made a good decision. You never know how the bride will react based on your own personality b/c as you described before, you seem to be very different than the bride.
But I commend you for thinking about her feelings.. It really is a tough situation, but I'm sure it will all work out well....
I'm SURE your friends party will be going on late so you'll be able to enjoy both.
and... don't be discouraged asking 'questions like these'
it's in the presentation... and yours was thought out, and we all could see that you were conflicted.
had you posted. 'OMGZ totally don't want to go to the wedding... my friend is more important..' then you might have been met with fire.
but we could see that you were truly looking for opinions.
good luck =)
ChipNdipLover
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by What
Posted by beachbum05
I say go to the friend's bday, and screw the wedding.
wow.
I can tell you who's not getting invited to wedding #3 of mine
ChipNdipLover
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
You are making a good decision by going to both. High 5 for making it work!!
Espo22
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
awww thanks ladies i appreciate the kind worlds
Butterfly123
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Good choice Denise. Its not like youre friend is turning 26 or 32. Shes hitting a milestone. 30 is a big deal so Im sure your friend would really want you there.
Mich0621
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
JMO, but I think since you RSVP'ed to the wedding first, you should go there. Maybe leave the wedding a bit earlier, like after cake, and go to your friend's later.
I am sure most people would understand if someone has a prior commitment. I would offer to make it up to her another time.
MrsD71208
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Since you've replied YES already, I think if you back out you cannot fall back on 'I had prior arrangments' or 'Forgot about a birthday party'. I'd go to the wedding and leave RIGHT after dinner. Your friend will still be partying and the couple will not lose out on money since you stayed for most of their wedding. HTH
Espo22
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by MrsDtoBe
Since you've replied YES already, I think if you back out you cannot fall back on 'I had prior arrangments' or 'Forgot about a birthday party'. I'd go to the wedding and leave RIGHT after dinner. Your friend will still be partying and the couple will not lose out on money since you stayed for most of their wedding. HTH
welli already answered that im going but leaving early...the couple wouldnt lose out on money regardless bc i would've given a cash gift no matter what, even if i werent going i would give them the same amount i would if i were going. Plus would you be that upset if someone you met only once in your life didnt come to your wedding? im sure most of us can say no...but ill go for a bit anyways, even though i dont think me not going would really effect anything.
Espo22
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by Mich0621
JMO, but I think since you RSVP'ed to the wedding first, you should go there. Maybe leave the wedding a bit earlier, like after cake, and go to your friend's later.
I am sure most people would understand if someone has a prior commitment. I would offer to make it up to her another time.
isnt the wedding basically over after cake? hahahaha so thats staying for the whole wedding. IF i stay until cake, i will get to my friends party about 5-6 hours after it started and thats a bit too late.
I will go to both but i am leaving earlier than cake
most ppl when they go out for a party are out for lets 5-6 hours, so i dont want to show up for my friends birthday when it ends either.
If i knew the person whose wedding it was then of course i wouldnt even do this. But i met this person once in my life and it was at my own wedding so spoke to this person a total of what 30 mins altogether if that bc at my wedding i didnt stay and talk to 1 person for a long time, i was all over the place. Plus i am sure that she invited me to her wedding only bc she was invited to mine, well i didnt invite her actually didnt send an invite. MIL asked the week of my wedding if she can invite 4 more ppl and i said fine give them the info
Butterfly123
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MrsDtoBe
Since you've replied YES already, I think if you back out you cannot fall back on 'I had prior arrangments' or 'Forgot about a birthday party'. I'd go to the wedding and leave RIGHT after dinner. Your friend will still be partying and the couple will not lose out on money since you stayed for most of their wedding. HTH
welli already answered that im going but leaving early...the couple wouldnt lose out on money regardless bc i would've given a cash gift no matter what, even if i werent going i would give them the same amount i would if i were going. Plus would you be that upset if someone you met only once in your life didnt come to your wedding? im sure most of us can say no...but ill go for a bit anyways, even though i dont think me not going would really effect anything.
Exactly Denise, trust me, this woman is not going to curl up in a corner because you, a person she met ONCE, didnt stay for her whole wedding. Youre doing the right thing by going and giving her a gift. Thats enough in my book.
Espo22
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Re: schedule conflict, what would you do?
Posted by Songstress
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MrsDtoBe
Since you've replied YES already, I think if you back out you cannot fall back on 'I had prior arrangments' or 'Forgot about a birthday party'. I'd go to the wedding and leave RIGHT after dinner. Your friend will still be partying and the couple will not lose out on money since you stayed for most of their wedding. HTH
welli already answered that im going but leaving early...the couple wouldnt lose out on money regardless bc i would've given a cash gift no matter what, even if i werent going i would give them the same amount i would if i were going. Plus would you be that upset if someone you met only once in your life didnt come to your wedding? im sure most of us can say no...but ill go for a bit anyways, even though i dont think me not going would really effect anything.
Exactly Denise, trust me, this woman is not going to curl up in a corner because you, a person she met ONCE, didnt stay for her whole wedding. Youre doing the right thing by going and giving her a gift. Thats enough in my book.
Thank you Lea i agree, and im sure its fine if i leave early. Just about every wedding ive attended, i stayed until the very end or right before the end so i saw who left early, and at just about every wedding you had some who left very early and a few who left just a lil bit earlier than others. At my wedding i had 2 guests who left early, and its fine, im glad they came even if they had to leave early
