so annoyed & frustrated..bummed out & needed to vent :(

hey ladies...i hardly EVER come on here to share my business & vent, but i just needed to get on here... i just got off the phone with my mom. to make a really REALLY long annoyance cut short : Josh started his own business last year after we got married..started it in january/february - doing commercial & industrial loans - TONS of potential to make buttloads of money and it's doing well with some really great things that are coming up. BUT like i said, he JUST started it this year - so obviously, first year of business, money is a little tight but it is going really well and has a ton of potential...i'm proud to say he's 25 & the owner of his own company & we can do this since we're young & don't have kids yet. ANYWAY, even when DH & i were dating josh has always worked on commission..which i'm sure those of u who are familiar know : one month can be lots of money, then there can be a few months with no money. so anyways, my mom has always had this thing with josh (even though she SWEARS she doesnt) where if he makes a ton of money it's 'well u guys better be careful with all that money' and if he's making none it's 'why doesnt he do more - he could be doing more - what about a 'real' job'...and it's just annoying so i needed to vent. Josh & i yea, have been in a financial rut for the past 6 months...but we're working really hard - he's trying 200%(and if he wasnt BELIEVE me i'd be venting about that) ..he works hard every day to get his business off the ground - and he has a LOT of deals that are gonna be HUGE once they go to closing....I stayed home for a little while to pursue my acting full time & was doing makeup independently, and then finally within the past few months went back to having a steady 9-5 job for the extra income. DH also decided last week that he's going this week to find a part time job to make extra cash. so needless to say: we're doing what we have to do to make ends meet. So my mom just calls me and somehow money got brought up ...i normally dont talk money but because we've been struggling i just vented that cash has been really tight & we fell behind on some bills and we owe some people money blah blah etc.etc. ...WELL - that just turned into a big fiasco with my mom telling me how 'u can't complain about money while ur husband is 'sitting home' while he could be out working & hustleing'....and it drives me NUTS. he DOESN'T sit home AT ALL. Infact he works his a** off ALL DAY. and no i'm not sticking up for my husband...if i was out working & he was sitting home doing nothing i'd be the FIRST to say 'UUMM GET UR A** UP & WORKING 'CAUSE WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO LIVE'...but he WORKS. and he went out today to get a part time job on the side for extra cash. So now i'm pursueing my acting career plus working, he's running his own company AND picking up a part time job...soooooo where in the midst of all this are EITHER of us 'sitting home'. whatever. i'm sorry that i have no idea where i'm going with this lol. i just needed to vent & let it all out because i have NEVER judged anyone's financial issues..everyone's situation is different & people have all kinds of reasons for their situations being the way that they are...the way i feel is, our money is our business. i understand she's just being a mom & is concerned for us & just wants us to be comfortable...but dont form ur own accusations just because my husband works from home.. because just so happens to work his A** off. It's just so stupid, because if he could afford to have an actual office right now i know this crap would not be said in the same way...and next year when he DOES have an office i'm sure it'll all stop...but it's just annoying when we're both working extremely hard to make ends meet & doing our best and looking at the BIG picture(ie: the potential for all of this & the fact that our future looks really good). All i know is, we live in the now. and right now yea, money is tight, but our marraige is great, we're happy :) and lord KNOWS how much better things are that he's not working for the sleezeball filled company he used to work for...not to mention this is probably the only time in our life that we'll be able to do this...and it just s**** to have the thought that people (ESPECIALLY my mother) think that my husband is just 'sitting home' while i'm out working but crying the blues about money. UUUUGGGGH. why does money suck!?!?!?!!! i just hate how it brings out the good bad & ugly again - sorry this is so long & all over the place..i just needed to get out my frustrations...i feel better now lol.

ok 1. money DOES suck..

2. f*ck your mom (sorry) .. its YOUR life... you know your husband waaaaay better than she does

hang in there and stand by your husband... you know there HAS to be hard times to get to the good one...

head UP

oh you poor thing! tell your mom to BUTT OUT. seriously, sometimes all you need a parent to do is to listen to you vent and then tell you it's going to be ok - instead they throw in their 2 cents!!

It sounds like your DH is motivated and ambitious, not to mention talented if he's 25 and already running a business. The important thing is that you're proud of him and you're working through your financial issues together. It also sounds like you have a good, optimistic perspective on things even though I know sometimes it can get frustrating. Focus on that and don't let your mom get to you!!!

thanks ladies u have no idea how much better i feel just to have gotten that out & then have hugs & support from u girls josh & i are such positive people...it just ***** to be uncomfortable around certain people & feel like their passing judgement when they have NO idea about our life!(even if they THINK that they do lol). thanks again - love u girls!

Girl I know how you feel! DH and I have been in that postition and ARE now! I mean, I AM being kind of lazy about getting a job, but i have worked my ASSS off for years now with no real vacation, where as DH now is studying (so he is home) to start a new job that wil bring us to be comfortable and have incredible benefits (like we have never had before) and the constant convo is that I am not working

Its one of those things that unfortunately you have to listen too but you k now its not the truth

sorry to hear this taryn. but dont feel like you have to apologize...we're all hear for ya when you need to vent. it really ***** bc no matter what, you will(we all will) have people in our lives who like to chime in about our situations and even if, like you said, they have good intentions, its still very frustrating to feel you or your husband are being judged. if youre struggling a bit now, you dont need to feel bad about struggling on top of it. it sounds like you guys are really trying very hard, as much as you possibly can. things will get better, for one and you know that. until then, even though its someone so close to you, try not to let it get you down. YOU know that you are josh are working your butts of!!!

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Posted by jtgarsik

thanks ladies u have no idea how much better i feel just to have gotten that out & then to hugs & support from u girls josh & i are such positive people...it just ***** to be uncomfortable around certain people & feel like their passing judgement when they have NO idea about our life!(even if they THINK that they do lol). thanks again - love u girls!

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sometimes you just need lay it out to put things into perspective...

one thing i've learned in life... 2 steps forward, 3 steps back..
(and not just a paula abdul song)

btw-- DH & I live pretty much hand to mouth...

we'll work it out... you know?

you're doing the right thing.... stand by your man!

I find that, as we all get older, parents can say more and more ludicrous and offensive things. It's like they have no filtering ability. They also become increasingly rigid in their views (hence the 'real job' comment.... obviously, if you don't work 9-5 at a desk and receive a W-2, you don't have a real job )

you mom is obviously flapping her lips without thinking about what she is saying. my advice is to not confide in her with relationship / domestic issues in the future. Likely, it will just be thrown back at you again in a semi-offensive manner.

I sorry about this. I know your mother care a lot but sometimes she doesn't realize how what she said affects you.


Maybe tomorrow when everyone is calm, pay her a visit or give her a ring and discuss this issue to her. I'm glad to hear that you stand by your man but you don't want your relationship with your mom to be ruin because of her silly comments.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

sorry to hear this taryn. but dont feel like you have to apologize...we're all hear for ya when you need to vent. it really ***** bc no matter what, you will(we all will) have people in our lives who like to chime in about our situations and even if, like you said, they have good intentions, its still very frustrating to feel you or your husband are being judged. if youre struggling a bit now, you dont need to feel bad about struggling on top of it. it sounds like you guys are really trying very hard, as much as you possibly can. things will get better, for one and you know that. until then, even though its someone so close to you, try not to let it get you down. YOU know that you are josh are working your butts of!!!

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Ditto honey. Moms are always going to be overprotective nuts. God know mine is. I had to stop confiding in my dad cause he'd slip to my mom and all hell broke loose. Its part of the letting go process. Thankfully you and Josh are comofrtable in your own skins and with one another which is all that really matters.

We love you!

so sorry you are going through this.... Just so you know, you should be damn proud that your husband, who is ONLY 25 years old, had the courage to start his own company! GOOD FOR YOU GUYS! And like you said, NOW is the time to do this. NOW is the time to take chances so DO IT! You will always find a way to make ends meet. People do it all the time! Dont waste your time worrying about what anyone thinks, whether its the stranger behind you at the supermarket OR your own mother! Enjoy what you and your fabulous husband are accomplishing. So many people (myself included) only wish they had the courage to take chances to do what they REALLY want to do. Your husband is doing JUST that. That proves that he is a man of action, not one that sits around thinking of sh*T to do....he goes out and gets it done! Kudos to you!

Awww here are some . I would ignore what your moms says (I am sorry to say that). Your husband sounds like he knows what he wants in life and what he is doing especially at 25. Sometimes you hit a bump in the road especially with a business and your mom has to understand that. You guys have a great marriage and are learning day by day by your mistakes and experiences like all newlyweds do. Don't let this get you down and money is always the number one issue in the first year but you guys look like you have it under control with what is expected and know where you want to go and be. you can vent anytime we are all here for you.

Talk to any rich business owner today, and they will tell you they started out where you guys are now. I see it all the time. His business will pick up, and when it does, it will teach everyone who ever doubted him a lesson. Pay no mind to other people's judgments. What matters is that you and your DH are happy. Other people have no right to judge, but they will, and you have to let it go. Other people are always going to have something to say about what you do. You have the option to let it affect you for better or for worse.

HI sweetie first and trust me, all will be well....
As offensive as your mom's comments are, I just want to throw it out there that I think they're born out of just good old-fashioned fear... A post you made in the past day or two about your Dad might have some connection, I think your mom might've had a very tough time because of some choices your Dad made, and she's just FILLED with anxiety about what will become of her little girl maybe? Its not that she dislikes Josh so much as she just ADORES you and would hate to see anything 'bad' happen to you? Does that make sense?
But they say the opposite of fear is FAITH and I know you have just BUCKETLOADS of that, enough for you, and Josh, and your mom, so all will be well, just trust the plan...
You are in an exciting, crazy, emotional, tumultuous time, and aside from the financial groundwork, you're laying the emotional groundwork that your LIFE will be based on with Josh, that is the biggest investment of your life, no matter what. So I would say... maybe shield your mom from some of the anxiety you're experiencing, just a little bit. She doesn't necessarily need to know about your debts, or J's monthly commission situation, etc. WHen asked, just discreetly say, we're doing a-ok, we're right on course, or some other calm reply... If you seem less anxious I bet mom will too.

Also.. is there a possibility she wants your finances FIXED so that she can have a little grand or grand to kiss and cuddle and spoil???

HTH Tara, you're a rock, your husband and you and your Mom will find your way, don't worry too much!!!!!!

I think your Mom & my Dad should hang out! They can b!tch about their in-laws who should get 'real' jobs! haha...my Dad is always asking DH when he's getting a job & even pulls ones out of the paper for him! (oh and usually not even close to the kind he would take)

Dh got laid off 2 years ago...took some time off & started his own company as well...he's also been doing consulting which is like commission and each month is a battle (especially since we paid for our wedding)...and he is also pursuing 'real' jobs as well...it drives both of us nuts...so i hear ya!! Vent away!!!!!

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Posted by jtgarsik

thanks girls - i guess the bottom line is WE know our situation.. so as hard as it is, we have to just brush off the weirdness around certain people & get through it...its just annoying when u feel like u have no support & the majority of everyone around is judging!!! and just to be clear, my mother is my best friend - i didn't mean to make her out to be any sort of a monster...like i said...i normally NEVER talk money with anyone really except DH & my SIL(whos been in our situation)..but it just came up when i was on the phone with her before & turned into well...my post lol...which is why i'm so bummed. i know her intentions are pure & she just wants the best for us...but GEEEZ, could she spare the accusations?? lol.

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I'm extremely close to my mom too It's just they can't stop being 'moms' sometimes... that's when they become irritating

yeah, I avoid certain topics too.... it's all for the best