so annoyed & frustrated..bummed out & needed to vent :(
Original post by jtgarsik
hey ladies...i hardly EVER come on here to share my business & vent, but i just needed to get on here... i just got off the phone with my mom. to make a really REALLY long annoyance cut short : Josh started his own business last year after we got married..started it in january/february - doing commercial & industrial loans - TONS of potential to make buttloads of money and it's doing well with some really great things that are coming up. BUT like i said, he JUST started it this year - so obviously, first year of business, money is a little tight but it is going really well and has a ton of potential...i'm proud to say he's 25 & the owner of his own company & we can do this since we're young & don't have kids yet. ANYWAY, even when DH & i were dating josh has always worked on commission..which i'm sure those of u who are familiar know : one month can be lots of money, then there can be a few months with no money. so anyways, my mom has always had this thing with josh (even though she SWEARS she doesnt) where if he makes a ton of money it's 'well u guys better be careful with all that money' and if he's making none it's 'why doesnt he do more - he could be doing more - what about a 'real' job'...and it's just annoying so i needed to vent. Josh & i yea, have been in a financial rut for the past 6 months...but we're working really hard - he's trying 200%(and if he wasnt BELIEVE me i'd be venting about that) ..he works hard every day to get his business off the ground - and he has a LOT of deals that are gonna be HUGE once they go to closing....I stayed home for a little while to pursue my acting full time & was doing makeup independently, and then finally within the past few months went back to having a steady 9-5 job for the extra income. DH also decided last week that he's going this week to find a part time job to make extra cash. so needless to say: we're doing what we have to do to make ends meet. So my mom just calls me and somehow money got brought up ...i normally dont talk money but because we've been struggling i just vented that cash has been really tight & we fell behind on some bills and we owe some people money blah blah etc.etc. ...WELL - that just turned into a big fiasco with my mom telling me how 'u can't complain about money while ur husband is 'sitting home' while he could be out working & hustleing'....and it drives me NUTS. he DOESN'T sit home AT ALL. Infact he works his a** off ALL DAY. and no i'm not sticking up for my husband...if i was out working & he was sitting home doing nothing i'd be the FIRST to say 'UUMM GET UR A** UP & WORKING 'CAUSE WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO LIVE'...but he WORKS. and he went out today to get a part time job on the side for extra cash. So now i'm pursueing my acting career plus working, he's running his own company AND picking up a part time job...soooooo where in the midst of all this are EITHER of us 'sitting home'. whatever. i'm sorry that i have no idea where i'm going with this lol. i just needed to vent & let it all out because i have NEVER judged anyone's financial issues..everyone's situation is different & people have all kinds of reasons for their situations being the way that they are...the way i feel is, our money is our business. i understand she's just being a mom & is concerned for us & just wants us to be comfortable...but dont form ur own accusations just because my husband works from home.. because just so happens to work his A** off. It's just so stupid, because if he could afford to have an actual office right now i know this crap would not be said in the same way...and next year when he DOES have an office i'm sure it'll all stop...but it's just annoying when we're both working extremely hard to make ends meet & doing our best and looking at the BIG picture(ie: the potential for all of this & the fact that our future looks really good). All i know is, we live in the now. and right now yea, money is tight, but our marraige is great, we're happy :) and lord KNOWS how much better things are that he's not working for the sleezeball filled company he used to work for...not to mention this is probably the only time in our life that we'll be able to do this...and it just s**** to have the thought that people (ESPECIALLY my mother) think that my husband is just 'sitting home' while i'm out working but crying the blues about money. UUUUGGGGH. why does money suck!?!?!?!!! i just hate how it brings out the good bad & ugly again - sorry this is so long & all over the place..i just needed to get out my frustrations...i feel better now lol.
diva7531
Posted:
Member since
Re: so annoyed & frustrated..bummed out & needed to vent :(
Let me start this off saying I mean this the nicest way possible: Tell your mom that you need her to listen and that is all. Explain that if she can't just listen then you will stop talking and see if that hits a chord. Sometimes they don't get 'it' because it is not what 'they' did. I hope hse doesn't ever get the opportunity to say 'See, I told you so' Explain that DH does work hard, which is why you never mention and complain about him, just lack of money. DH and I both work very hard, but there are times (like this week) that we are strapped, it happens. We make decent money, but life is tough and these are the things that happen and we need people in our lives that we can just sit and talk to. I hope you have the strength to be able to tell her that (I might not) and that she takes what you have to say. GL
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: so annoyed & frustrated..bummed out & needed to vent :(
Posted by Colette
HI sweetie first and trust me, all will be well.... As offensive as your mom's comments are, I just want to throw it out there that I think they're born out of just good old-fashioned fear... A post you made in the past day or two about your Dad might have some connection, I think your mom might've had a very tough time because of some choices your Dad made, and she's just FILLED with anxiety about what will become of her little girl maybe? Its not that she dislikes Josh so much as she just ADORES you and would hate to see anything 'bad' happen to you? Does that make sense? But they say the opposite of fear is FAITH and I know you have just BUCKETLOADS of that, enough for you, and Josh, and your mom, so all will be well, just trust the plan... You are in an exciting, crazy, emotional, tumultuous time, and aside from the financial groundwork, you're laying the emotional groundwork that your LIFE will be based on with Josh, that is the biggest investment of your life, no matter what. So I would say... maybe shield your mom from some of the anxiety you're experiencing, just a little bit. She doesn't necessarily need to know about your debts, or J's monthly commission situation, etc. WHen asked, just discreetly say, we're doing a-ok, we're right on course, or some other calm reply... If you seem less anxious I bet mom will too.
Also.. is there a possibility she wants your finances FIXED so that she can have a little grand or grand to kiss and cuddle and spoil???
HTH Tara, you're a rock, your husband and you and your Mom will find your way, don't worry too much!!!!!!
lol colette..u've hit everything dead on. i've been pondering over all of this tonight & have all the same things affirmed in my own mind. thanks for the support! and i'd also like to add that untill tonight i've totally shielded her from knowing our finances as of late.... she actually broached the subject because people i thought could be trusted spilled our situation to her which royally pisses me off. looks like it's liw ladies only from now on!
