So, DH's friend just got engaged and...

DH's friend just got engaged to his girlfriend of 7 years. They do not have alot of $$$ so they think they can rent the bottom of this restaurant and charge people a cover fee of $20.00 to drink at their wedding!!!

I told my DH that was not the right thing to do. To charge their friends for 'entry' into their wedding?? I told them I can totally help them plan something for as little as $5k by being resourceful.

How do you think DH should approach this OR should we just let them do the $20 cover fee for their wedding? I'm so

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Posted by carolinebr

they 'JUST ' got engaged. They'll come to their senses. Let them be. If, in the weeks leading up to the event, they still want to do this, then I would say something.

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They were engaged a few months ago. DH hung out with him last night when he told him the 'plan' for their wedding.

I think we're going to sit back and see what they plan on doing and then maybe offer up some advice.

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Posted by carolinebr

they 'JUST ' got engaged. They'll come to their senses. Let them be. If, in the weeks leading up to the event, they still want to do this, then I would say something.

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I totally agree

Wow! If I were DH I would confront him about it. I would say it nicely how its not the right thing to do. And if he needed any assistance on finding a cheap hall he can help or you can help. If he was a close friend I wouldn't want him to be humiliated or talked about...you know ppl will talk about this for months!

Yes, DH wasn't sure how to even respond. The place they are choosing is basically a music venue underneath a restaurant. I don't think they plan on having food, just to have their guests pay $20 to drink....

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Posted by futuremrsfab

oh god, I would say something. I understand what everyone is saying about them coming to their senses- but what if they dont. I think since its your friends, you should be able to say something. Not sure how you should do it though- maybe compare it to another smaller budget wedding you went to?

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I know, I really don't think they understand wedding etiquette etc. I feel bad for them! They think they can have a 'kick ***' party with an ipod and think that it's ok to pay a cover fee.

I told DH that I can TOTALLY help them plan something. There are so many great ways to be cost efficient and stil throw an elegant and fun reception.

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by futuremrsfab

oh god, I would say something. I understand what everyone is saying about them coming to their senses- but what if they dont. I think since its your friends, you should be able to say something. Not sure how you should do it though- maybe compare it to another smaller budget wedding you went to?

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I know, I really don't think they understand wedding etiquette etc. I feel bad for them! They think they can have a 'kick ***' party with an ipod and think that it's ok to pay a cover fee.

I told DH that I can TOTALLY help them plan something. There are so many great ways to be cost efficient and stil throw an elegant and fun reception.

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I think its really nice that you are willing to help them- that might be a good way to talk to them about it!

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I told DH that I can TOTALLY help them plan something. There are so many great ways to be cost efficient and stil throw an elegant and fun reception.

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I think its really nice that you are willing to help them- that might be a good way to talk to them about it!

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You know me Marybeth, I love helping! LOL Plus, I think it's a fun challenge to plan a wedding on a set budget. I already had things in mind for them.... LOL

We were on a tight budget, I don't think I know anyone out there who was on as small of a budget as we were, and we still got away with a pretty nice wedding. I know it's touchy to bring something like this up, but if they are a really good, close friend of DH's I would have him just mention something. I would have him just bring up that he was maybe thinking about the cover charge, and how he thinks that alot of people may not want to do that or w/e , and then depending on how they react he can then offer your help. I know it's a sticky situation, but if they want anyone coming to their wedding, they should listen to you lol

I just read that they don't plan on having any food. hmmmmm I think they need your help lol

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

Yes, DH wasn't sure how to even respond. The place they are choosing is basically a music venue underneath a restaurant. I don't think they plan on having food, just to have their guests pay $20 to drink....

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That's just sounds so wrong.
Sounds like a college frat party instead of a celebration of a marriage.
How many people are they planning on inviting ?

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Posted by SusiBtoM

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

Yes, DH wasn't sure how to even respond. The place they are choosing is basically a music venue underneath a restaurant. I don't think they plan on having food, just to have their guests pay $20 to drink....

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That's just sounds so wrong.
Sounds like a college frat party instead of a celebration of a marriage.
How many people are they planning on inviting ?

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You're so right, it does have a frat party vibe!

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Posted by Future_Farrell

We were on a tight budget, I don't think I know anyone out there who was on as small of a budget as we were, and we still got away with a pretty nice wedding. I know it's touchy to bring something like this up, but if they are a really good, close friend of DH's I would have him just mention something. I would have him just bring up that he was maybe thinking about the cover charge, and how he thinks that alot of people may not want to do that or w/e , and then depending on how they react he can then offer your help. I know it's a sticky situation, but if they want anyone coming to their wedding, they should listen to you lol

I just read that they don't plan on having any food. hmmmmm I think they need your help lol

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I know, I feel really bad but I think it's just the wrong way to approach 'planning a wedding' by having a cover charge. maybe if it was a birthday party it would be ok to do that but not your wedding.
I would rather host a brunch at a restaurant than charge people $20 and have it be my wedding reception.

oh my, that's like asking people to pay for your wedding. What if no one shows up, then they're stuck with the bill anyways.
Maybe they can cut the guest list or postpone the wedding until they can afford it.

how about just nicely offering your help. Tell her 'hey since i went through this whole planning process i would love to help if you need any, say youre good at finding deals too and figuring out how to work with a budget' see if she bites

I agree, you just dont ask ppl to pay a cover to come to your wedding, that is wrong. Im throwing DH a bday party and when a bunch of places suggested i just pay for the room and let the guests pay for drinks i said NO WAY, im throwing the party, they are our guests and i'll pay for the drinks and food, you dont invite ppl out and then tell them you have to pay. I dont want to do this for a b-day party, cant imagine a wedding.

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Posted by Espo22

how about just nicely offering your help. Tell her 'hey since i went through this whole planning process i would love to help if you need any, say youre good at finding deals too and figuring out how to work with a budget' see if she bites

I agree, you just dont ask ppl to pay a cover to come to your wedding, that is wrong. Im throwing DH a bday party and when a bunch of places suggested i just pay for the room and let the guests pay for drinks i said NO WAY, im throwing the party, they are our guests and i'll pay for the drinks and food, you dont invite ppl out and then tell them you have to pay. I dont want to do this for a b-day party, cant imagine a wedding.

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Exactly! Well put. I threw myself a 30th dinner party and I paid for all my guests because they were my guests!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

how about just nicely offering your help. Tell her 'hey since i went through this whole planning process i would love to help if you need any, say youre good at finding deals too and figuring out how to work with a budget' see if she bites

I agree, you just dont ask ppl to pay a cover to come to your wedding, that is wrong. Im throwing DH a bday party and when a bunch of places suggested i just pay for the room and let the guests pay for drinks i said NO WAY, im throwing the party, they are our guests and i'll pay for the drinks and food, you dont invite ppl out and then tell them you have to pay. I dont want to do this for a b-day party, cant imagine a wedding.

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Exactly! Well put. I threw myself a 30th dinner party and I paid for all my guests because they were my guests!

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I understand they probably want a more casual relaxed party which is perfectly fine but there are other ways to do it. Hopefully you can talk to them and they will understand this, good luck.

Yeah i was shocked and was getting so annoyed with some places, like stop suggesting i have my guests pay for their drinks. Or one girl said just buy 2 bottles and let them buy the rest, oh yeah 2 bottles of grey goose for 50 ppl is great i dont know whats wrong with some people.

Wow this is tough bc you dont want to offend them. I think that offering to help with planning is a good idea and hopefully they will move away from this idea...it is odd to even think of guests paying a 'cover' to go to a wedding...