spinoff to the dramalicious 08 thread

IMHO I don't think the first year of marriage was hard AT ALL, I find it kinda sill when people say that, but then that's just me. I don't know, i don't get what's so hard about it I guess. I mean there are adjustments yes but that's life.

I had never lived with DH before, not until after our honeymoon & while his leaving crap all over the house annoyed me at times, I loved & still love every little bit of my married life in our house that we made into a home.

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Posted by Dee606

We did not live together before the wedding & our first year was a piece of cake. Our relationship in general has always been easy because we both have easy going personalities.

Don't get me wrong, we have had some dumb fights in the past but nothing damaging to our relationship.

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ITA! we didn't live together before marriage and the past 18 months have been nothing but perfect. we had no issues adjusting.

in fact, i am almost waiting for us to have a fight! seriosuly though, for us, it has been nothing but easy, but that is not the case with everyone and if things are a little rough in the beginning, that's normal too! everyone's personality is different.

I wrote a long a** post on 08 but basically i think everyone should just do what makes them happy.

Seriously, its not like if you live together before marriage or after its the ONE thing that will make or break your marriage. I dont think that if a couple lived together before marriage it will mean their marriage will 100% work, and doesnt mean if you wait that it will 100% work. Theres alot more to relationships than just the one thing.

I always thought that it was better to live with someone first before marriage, but thats not exactly the case considering studies show that there is a higher divorce rate amongst people who lived together before marriage. Now based on this study im not saying that anyone in particular is doomed because of that fact, so please dont attack that one thing, im not the one personally saying it and i have to say i was surprised by that fact too.

Dh and i waited until after marriage but not even necessarily by choice but by circumstances. Going through a closing forever now, and we thought it'd be done before the wedding, but no it didnt happen that way. So far things are great and no surprises. There was no time of hard adjustments, i already knew all his quirks and he knew mine, we didnt live together but 5-6 days of the week he stayed at my place.

I think this is more based on an individual basis. I dont think anyone can say that 'if you lived together before marriage everything will work out' and dont think people can say 'if you wait it will work out' A relationship can have problems that have NOTHING to do with living with someone before or after. And even if you take 2 couples who did the opposite, one who lived together before marriage and one couple who waited, they both can end up having the same exact problems in their marriage, something that will have nothing to do with the whole living together before or after part.

Every relationship is different so the same theory cant be applied to everyone.

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Posted by Espo22

I wrote a long a** post on 08 but basically i think everyone should just do what makes them happy.

Seriously, its not like if you live together before marriage or after its the ONE thing that will make or break your marriage. I dont think that if a couple lived together before marriage it will mean their marriage will 100% work, and doesnt mean if you wait that it will 100% work. Theres alot more to relationships than just the one thing.

I always thought that it was better to live with someone first before marriage, but thats not exactly the case considering studies show that there is a higher divorce rate amongst people who lived together before marriage. Now based on this study im not saying that anyone in particular is doomed because of that fact, so please dont attack that one thing, im not the one personally saying it and i have to say i was surprised by that fact too.

Dh and i waited until after marriage but not even necessarily by choice but by circumstances. Going through a closing forever now, and we thought it'd be done before the wedding, but no it didnt happen that way. So far things are great and no surprises. There was no time of hard adjustments, i already knew all his quirks and he knew mine, we didnt live together but 5-6 days of the week he stayed at my place.

I think this is more based on an individual basis. I dont think anyone can say that 'if you lived together before marriage everything will work out' and dont think people can say 'if you wait it will work out' A relationship can have problems that have NOTHING to do with living with someone before or after. And even if you take 2 couples who did the opposite, one who lived together before marriage and one couple who waited, they both can end up having the same exact problems in their marriage, something that will have nothing to do with the whole living together before or after part.

Every relationship is different so the same theory cant be applied to everyone.

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Very well said. Whatever floats everyones boat. Some people choose to get the 'living together' out of the way and some choose to wait. Some may have hurdles and some may not regardless of what they choose.

I think anyone who thinks the first year is the 'hardest' is in for a big surprise. First year is almost the honeymoon stage all over again. I would think the stress on the marriage comes with a new baby, house, bills etc.

We lived together for 3 years before getting married and it didn't take away from the newlywed feeling at all.

for us, living together before we got married wasn't an option...we spent most nights together, but he would have to leave at the end of the day.

as my 1st anniversary approaches i've often thought to myself how great this year has been and how blessed i am! alot of people have said that marriage is difficult and i'm sure it is, but if the rest of my life is identical to this first year, i would be forever greatful

i'm also in the minority - dh and i KNEW each other for a total of one year before we got married, so it really was something totally new.

I don't think the first year of being married was the hardest..I thought the first year together and LIVING together was the hardest. For us the only thing that changed was my last name