Stress, stress and more stress

Stress, stress and more stress

First of all, I have to say that DH and I have a good marriage and are very happy together.However, that is the ONLY thing going right. Lately, I have been so worried to a point of panic!! I feel like we will NEVER get ahead. We have lousy,miserable, jobs right now making very little money. There is no way we can afford a house and kids in the near future. On top of all of this, we have people in our lives who we continue to help out financially because we HAVE to. We can barely get ahead ourselves!!!!!! Who is going to help us? I feel like this has made me very bitter and depressed. Whats more, DH grew up in an affluent neighborhood and practically all of his friends have not had the same worries and have gotten by with financial support through their families.
They take things totally for granted. I look around at other people and always see more; then knowing that we have done so much for others!!!!! I am not trying to be a martyr but does anybody else ever feel this way in some respects? How do I move past this?

Maybe I just needed to vent!!!

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I can so feel for you..DH and I are saving for a home, he is in school full time and working nights at a restaurant..

What I can tell you is, I think back to a girl on this website who has a newborn, and a sister fighting a hard battle against cancer, who has 3 small children..the girl is a new mom, dealing with the devestation of her sister, and caring for 3 children.

The money will come, and I am sure everything will have its way of working out, I can't stress over the money, when I have so much to be grateful for in life

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It is hard figuring out how to save $ and make ends meet! All I can say is this--my DH is chaning careers and might be taking a large pay cut to do something he hopes he likes. He too was talking about some people we know receiving financial assistance to help them out--the way I look at it is this--I couldn't live with myself taking handouts (and I mean support to make ends meet month to month) from my parents. I am 26 and self-supporting and sure, we don't make a ton, and we live in a one-bedroom that isn't large, but it is OURS. Everything we have, all the bills we pay, we do from what we earned. And that's a good feeling. There are so many brides with horrible stories--cancer, terminal diseases, those who lost parents before the wedding who would never see them walk down the aisle--I think of how lucky we are to have even as little as we do, as long as we have each other and our health.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I can completely understand how frustrated you must feel. It is very difficult to live here and get ahead. I sometimes look around and see all the beautiful houses and people doing work on them, and think 'why can't we afford to do that?' However, I am thankful that we aren't in debt (except for a mortgage) and we can be comfortable. It is so easy to get wrapped up in everything - just take a minute and think of what you have and it might help you feel better.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I definitely don't want to sound like a martyr!!! I too, know how hard it is to go through a wedding and marriage with tragedy ( I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago ) And that was the biggest tragedy of everything!! I feel like I will never be the same and able to provide for myself and raise a family which my mom did flawlessly. I guess I feel inept. I am always thinking I let her down when I see my embarrassing paycheck (my mom had hopes for me doing well). But then I turn around, and realize just how hard it is for EVERYBODY especially living in N.Y.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

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Posted by KathleenG

I definitely don't want to sound like a martyr!!! I too, know how hard it is to go through a wedding and marriage with tragedy ( I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago )

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Aww I always think I could never be as good a mother as my mom was to me. She was so amazing when I was growing up, and remains one of my best friends. I am sure your mother would be so proud of you for who you are and how are are helping others out, not how much you make. I am so sorry, I am sure it must have been so hard losing your mom at such a young age.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

you def don't sound like a martyr!! I just did not know what to say to make you feel better..that is just what helps me..

I am faced with that ny issue. We live with my parents now, and I feel like life is passing us by, as we constantly prepare and save to get the house, so we can start a family. We are going to Florida though. I hate the fact that we will be leaving family, but we can't make it here, and I don't want financial stress for life after we accept our over the top mortage.

I feel for you and your situation, because I know for me, I am just trying to be happy and go along with life's natural path, married, house, kids....but it is so hard to get. I have needy inlaws too that give me headaches and call for money. My DH gets more stressed over it than I do..when he does, I tell him that on his death bed, I am going to remind him of that day where he spent moping that we deserve more in life, when all that he is going to want at that point is one more day.

sorry about your mom, it must be difficult not to have that support system

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

Awww. Ladies thanks for the responses!! It is so very hard for all of us in this day and age getting married and having families.... I really feel for everybody!! Just on this website alone you see so many working sooooo hard and raising a family, it puts so much in perspective!! Its nice to get support once in awhile.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I know, what you mean....we just went to Florida to visit DH's BF, he is a mailman, but very good with money..he has his house, pool and harley, it broke my heart to watch DH go on this house tour, we love this guy and his wife....I just hated seeing DH in that spot, where all he wants in life is a house. So that is when I officially decided to move to florida. It is important for me to be a SAHM, so I am not in a rush for the baby thing to start, so we just keep saving and in florida, our down payment will significantly change our monthly payments, where here it will be a drop in the bucket. But I am glad to hear others are in our boat, because it seems like everyone's a homeowner these days, that got in on real estate while it was still low.

I am sending good vibes to your freckled head today!!!!

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I worry too, my DH is in a new job he dislikes, but doesn't want to be out of work for a long time to find another one. We also talk about buying a house and having kids and it can be scary. Neither one of us has living parents and it is tough sometimes - they weren't there for the wedding, we won't have grandparents to lean on if we have kids, etc. But, I am so grateful to have DH in my life and that we found each other. If you have a strong relationship, the other things will fall into place. I also find that as we get older and mature, some friends place a different value on material things than I do. Don't let the lifestyle of others allow you to question your own happiness.

I am sure your mom IS proud of you, as for mine, I know she is in a better place, dancing a jig because I FINALLY got married (got married at 37...) Hang in there

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed! I wish I could think of the right words to make you feel better- but all I can say is that I think your mom would be SO proud of you for being special enough to meet a wonderful man to marry- also, for being so generous in helping your family!

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I feel the same way. I am stressed about money. I am 28 going on 29 and I can't afford a house or kids any time soon and my clock is ticking, I really want a baby. The money thing is in the back of my mind constantly and it doesn't affect him the way it does me. He brushes it off and says it all will change soon. But that doesn't change the fact that I am still stressing and I wish I could change that. I feel like I am getting old and I want those things soon within the next two years. I don't see that happening in two years. I am trying to be patient, as we save, but I am still stressed! Being married is great, but not easy. Good luck to you. I feel for ya.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

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Posted by Sweetd

I feel the same way. I am stressed about money. I am 28 going on 29 and I can't afford a house or kids any time soon and my clock is ticking, I really want a baby. The money thing is in the back of my mind constantly and it doesn't affect him the way it does me. He brushes it off and says it all will change soon. But that doesn't change the fact that I am still stressing and I wish I could change that. I feel like I am getting old and I want those things soon within the next two years. I don't see that happening in two years. I am trying to be patient, as we save, but I am still stressed! Being married is great, but not easy. Good luck to you. I feel for ya.

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i feel the same way and i am 31, DH 36

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

Its the state were living in.....NY has become very expensive whether you have a decent job or not....husband and I make very goog money and are looking for a home but not at the prices that are being offered (and for an old home 30-50 yrs old come on)....anyway focus on small achievable things you two can accomplish together, just because you can't buy a home doesn't mean you can't save...even increase your savings or be creative in finding ways to cut back (live frugally) and the $$ will come....you have to feel like your working towards a goal or otherwise you will feel hopeless.....have you two considered moving to another state? it may be worth it good luck.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I'm in a similar, but different, spot right now too. I quit my job because I was absolutley miserable and DH doesn't make THAT much so I'm super stressed over money. I feel a little selfish for quiting and I'm depressed over it, but I truely was so unhappy and was bringing home so much baggage from work, so it had to be done. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed just thinking about the bad stuff that it's hard to look forward. I feel like we'll always struggle, and I wasn't raised to struggle so it's tough.
Just take some time and figure out exactly what you want. Then come up with a plan that can help you get there, I'm sure you will figure things out.

Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I think on the island we are all in the same boat. No matter how much money you have it is never enough. I am stressing because we have a little one on the way on september and i am not going to be able to work over the summer at my normal job so it will only be my DH. He has a great job, but it would be nice if he made a little bit more then he is making now but we'll see. We are in the middle of looking for a house because we are spending a ton on rent and i am not bring the kid into this apartment. The people we live with are so loud. They live in the upstairs apartment and we live in the downstairs. I just hopw everything works out. KNow that all of you ladies are not alone.

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Re: Stress, stress and more stress

I don't know what to say because I understand where you are at...just wanted to send 's and prayers that everything will work itself out soon.