TUESDAY FUNNIES 1*18*11

The runaway groom aspect is bad enough here, so I don’t know why the bride had to go and make it worse by wearing those sandals with that dress. The “mini-heel” or whatever it’s actually called? No. I can’t do it. Hell, if I was the groom I’d run away from a girl wearing those shoes on her wedding day, too. Get some strappy heels, girl!





















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Never confuse your iron pills with your wife's bladder infection pills. Peeing bright orange is very, very scary. #LFMF
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Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said 'That was my daughter.' FML
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Today, the girl I really liked started talking to me, so I asked her out on a date. After waiting an hour at the theatre, I texted her asking where she was. She replied with, 'Oh! You were serious about the date?!' FML
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Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML
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Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I beat her. FML
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Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. 'For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out.' I’m her daughter. FML
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Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML
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Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, 'It wouldn't be a real holiday.' FML
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(256):

I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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(813):

Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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(402):

Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his 'toes felt like pigtails'
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(770):

At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word 'VISA' written on it.
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(724):

look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
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(773):

She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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the end

Re: TUESDAY FUNNIES 1*18*11

BEST. PHOTOBOMB. EVER!!!!