Is anyone else married to a man who is a TOTAL baby when he is sick but when YOU are sick, he tells you to suck it up? Or did I just marry a total d!ck?
I am ready to STRANGLE him. Honestly, if he has the sniffles, he is in bed for days & calls the world & tells them how sick he is. But I went to the ER this weekend with a ruptured ovarian cyst, was kept overnight for observation & told to rest in bed for 1-3 days. After 1/2 a day, DH was telling me to 'get up & go to work'. I am so upset. He totally minimalized what happened to me. He went so far as to actually say to me last night 'nothing is wrong with you, get up.' I am so upset over this.
He even said at the hospital 'you know, I don't feel well either.' Really d!ckhead? How come I'M THE ONE ON THE GURNEY! He always needs to be the center of attention. Its really upsetting.
UPDATE
He just called & said “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you and that I’m going to work on it.”
He must have been sweating.
I told him “I hope you’re serious because right now it is very difficult for me to stay with you.” I told him I got the names of some marriage counselors (which I did) and that I think we should go. He said “we don’t need that. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m a d!ck. I already know I haven’t been treating you right.”
I said “well maybe you should go talk to someone anyway about your father’s death because you have been very upset. Maybe talking to an outsider will help”
He said we’ll talk about it tonight.
Thanks to all of you for your support. Now I just need to get his *** to counseling.
LitBallerinaGirl
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
When DH is sick, he is a total baby, but I try to take care of him the best I can. When I am sick, DH is a complete angel! I am not really a baby about it I actually prefer to be left alone, but DH is always asking me if there is anything he can do for me. It's really nice.
PegaLega
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Caroline I think that you and DH really need to have either a REAL talk the two of you-this way anything that is going on can be put out on the table...or seek professional help. You dont deserve to have him jump on you when you have a valid health issue to deal with and his sniffles are ok. Thats not fair to you!!! I wish I knew something to say but the only thing is I hope that you are able to work this out b/c it seems like youa re trying and he doenst care
jtgarsik
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by LB and DC
Posted by FullersBride
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you and DH need to sit down and really have a heart to heart talk. I remember you posting a while back about your DH not helping around the house. It sounds like you carry the majority of the workload at home and with the baby and that is not fair. Marriage is about partnership and working together to help each other out. You were sick and in the hospital and you really shouldn't be lifting things after what you have been through or it can be detrimental to your health. What would happend if you became really ill or really hurt yourself. What would your DH do? WOuld he be able to care for the baby, and help you? I would be just as upset as you. When you are a little more calm and put together sit down and talk. Maybe, a couples counselor would help in mediating so the conversations goes the right way! I'm so sorry your upset, and I hope you feel better
i agree... it seems like since the two of you got married you have both been through a lot, and i think a counselor is the best thing for you guys right now - even if he refuses to go, you can still go alone to learn how to deal with all of this. i don't think that what he is doing to you is fair, and it seems like this is a pattern, not a one time occurrence. i don't know that i could stand to be with someone who did not support me... i am sorry you are going through all this
agreed. I am so SO sorry u are going through all of this...and i'm offering lots of hugs, love, prayers & support
we are all here for you...but i really think what the above posters wrote is dead on. You need to have a serious heart to heart with your hubby & not hold anything back. He needs to be aware of all these things, and you need to absolutely NOT put up with it. If he still doesn't REALLY hear what your saying, i would find an exellent counselor that can maybe help him see his downfalls since your marraige. Again i'm so sorry for all of this..but we all love u & support u!
jax1023
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Member since
Re: When you/DH are sick...
I'm really sorry he is treating you this way. It sounds like a really unpleasant situation and you deserve better.
That being said, I've seen your other posts about your FIL's recent passing. Perhaps your DH is depressed and taking it out on you. It may be good if you suggest he seeks counseling to deal with this, either alone, or the two of you together.
Just something to consider if this has been a recent change in his personality. One I tend to jump to I suppose because my DH works in the mental health field and I hear his stories.
AllJoy
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by PegaLega
Caroline I think that you and DH really need to have either a REAL talk the two of you-this way anything that is going on can be put out on the table...or seek professional help. You dont deserve to have him jump on you when you have a valid health issue to deal with and his sniffles are ok. Thats not fair to you!!! I wish I knew something to say but the only thing is I hope that you are able to work this out b/c it seems like youa re trying and he doenst care
I completely agree. Also, Caroline hope you feel better.
jtgarsik
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by jax1023
That being said, I've seen your other posts about your FIL's recent passing. Perhaps your DH is depressed and taking it out on you. It may be good if you suggest he seeks counseling to deal with this, either alone, or the two of you together.
Just something to consider if this has been a recent change in his personality. One I tend to jump to I suppose because my DH works in the mental health field and I hear his stories.
good point...maybe there are some inner emotions going on that he's not even aware of...which is exactly why seeking professional help is a good idea..ESPECIALLY if he knows how unhappy this is all making you, yet still continues with the same behavior.
beleebuton
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
OMG do u know how many times i was in the hospital for the same problem? my cysts ruptured a gazillion times, and dh was the same way. after a few days when i was still so sore, he was like oh come on, how bad could it be... ugh. they just dont understand. but yet, its true, when hes sick, he calls me a million times a day, 'honey, im sick, honey i dont feel good; honey... honey... honey... lol. terrible.
Future Mrs.
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
I'm sorry that you have this situation.
I am sure that he has other things that make up for it though!
Actually, I have the opposite. My DH is pretty amazing. He is totally doting, and even buys me sick presents.
His caring nature is one of the many reasons I was initially fell in love with him.
I totally snapped my neck a few weeks ago....I couldn't move, was totally miserable for 3 days. He was amazing. He even surprised me with an IPOD and had loaded a CD to learn French (wer're going to Paris next month) on it.
I am sure your DH Has other wonderful qualities!
ligirlz
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
My DH says he isnt sick when he actually is. He the one that won't admit it. I have to force him to take medicine. As for when it comes to me he would say to me jokingly 'get up and your not sick you just don't want to go to work' but not to something serious as that. I was in a car accident in Feb and he was catering to everything and never made fun of me. He would joke around and call me grumpy or move slow poke just to make me laugh and feel better but nothing that horrid. I can't believe he said and did that too. I hope does realize that you do need him and step up to take care of you. Here are some and I hope you feel better soon.
eelharas4700
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
its so funny i was just talking about this. ive been sick since last sunday and have gotten some sypathy....not much. dh woke up yesterday 'so sick' and i find myself having to cater to him. like the world is ending!! just proving yet again that women are stronger than men
i love him with all my heart
Summer07Bride
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
My DH is exactly like yours
carolinebr
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by jtgarsik
Posted by jax1023
That being said, I've seen your other posts about your FIL's recent passing. Perhaps your DH is depressed and taking it out on you. It may be good if you suggest he seeks counseling to deal with this, either alone, or the two of you together.
Just something to consider if this has been a recent change in his personality. One I tend to jump to I suppose because my DH works in the mental health field and I hear his stories.
good point...maybe there are some inner emotions going on that he's not even aware of...which is exactly why seeking professional help is a good idea..ESPECIALLY if he knows how unhappy this is all making you, yet still continues with the same behavior.
He def needs help. He said to me the other day 'I think this whole thing with my father is finally hitting me.' He was never like this before. Ever since his father's illness & subsequent death, he's been a huge a$$hole.
LB and DC
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by carolinebr
Posted by jtgarsik
Posted by jax1023
That being said, I've seen your other posts about your FIL's recent passing. Perhaps your DH is depressed and taking it out on you. It may be good if you suggest he seeks counseling to deal with this, either alone, or the two of you together.
Just something to consider if this has been a recent change in his personality. One I tend to jump to I suppose because my DH works in the mental health field and I hear his stories.
good point...maybe there are some inner emotions going on that he's not even aware of...which is exactly why seeking professional help is a good idea..ESPECIALLY if he knows how unhappy this is all making you, yet still continues with the same behavior.
He def needs help. He said to me the other day 'I think this whole thing with my father is finally hitting me.' He was never like this before. Ever since his father's illness & subsequent death, he's been a huge a$$hole.
i think that you have your answer right there - he was never like this before, but he is now, and it is most likely due to his father's passing and the feelings he is dealing with surrounding that. this honestly makes me feel like you guys have a good chance at making your marriage work, and work well, with some professional guidance. good luck sweetie and feel better!
Future Mrs.
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
I already posted above, but just remembered something....
As for your situation.....I am NOT defending your DH, and I do not find behavior acceptable, HOWEVER.....didn't his father die just a couple of weeks ago? I think you forgot to mention that.
This is a really stressful time for him.
Again, I don't even know you guys, and I'm NOT defending him, but that is serious. If his father died recently, I think this is an unusual circumstance, and you should be GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY, HEAD OVER HEELS to dote on him.
Being there for someone through bad times and doing whatever you can to make them a bit happier in times of sadness is part of the reason people get married in the first place. To share.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I mean it. Roast me if you'd like, but that is how I feel.
Future Mrs.
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
duh...this already came up....I didn't read the post above....
carolinebr
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by Future Mrs.
I already posted above, but just remembered something....
As for your situation.....I am NOT defending your DH, and I do not find behavior acceptable, HOWEVER.....didn't his father die just a couple of weeks ago? I think you forgot to mention that.
This is a really stressful time for him.
Again, I don't even know you guys, and I'm NOT defending him, but that is serious. If his father died recently, I think this is an unusual circumstance, and you should be GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY, HEAD OVER HEELS to dote on him.
Being there for someone through bad times and doing whatever you can to make them a bit happier in times of sadness is part of the reason people get married in the first place. To share.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I mean it. Roast me if you'd like, but that is how I feel.
I won't roast you. But I have been incredibly supportive.
For over 2 months, I went to see his father every single day on my lunch hour. EVERY single day. My husband went about once a week and stayed for 5 minutes. He could not handle it.
I have had his family over the house 24/7 since the death. This includes his sister who CANCELED MY WEDDING and rammed my car while me & my baby were in it. Last week, I let the girl borrow clothes out of my closet. I have gone above & beyond.
I try to cut him some slack but some of the things coming out of his mouth these days is SO hurtful,. Even his mother has yelled at him about this.
Nina_m74
Posted:
Member since
Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by carolinebr
Posted by Future Mrs.
I already posted above, but just remembered something....
As for your situation.....I am NOT defending your DH, and I do not find behavior acceptable, HOWEVER.....didn't his father die just a couple of weeks ago? I think you forgot to mention that.
This is a really stressful time for him.
Again, I don't even know you guys, and I'm NOT defending him, but that is serious. If his father died recently, I think this is an unusual circumstance, and you should be GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY, HEAD OVER HEELS to dote on him.
Being there for someone through bad times and doing whatever you can to make them a bit happier in times of sadness is part of the reason people get married in the first place. To share.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I mean it. Roast me if you'd like, but that is how I feel.
I won't roast you. But I have been incredibly supportive.
For over 2 months, I went to see his father every single day on my lunch hour. EVERY single day. My husband went about once a week and stayed for 5 minutes. He could not handle it.
I have had his family over the house 24/7 since the death. This includes his sister who CANCELED MY WEDDING and rammed my car while me & my baby were in it. Last week, I let the girl borrow clothes out of my closet. I have gone above & beyond.
I try to cut him some slack but some of the things coming out of his mouth these days is SO hurtful,. Even his mother has yelled at him about this.
I think you are doing everything you can to be supportive of your husband when he is hurting, I don't think being supportive includes allowing him to treat you like crap. You are right to be upset and hurt over his comments, while I'm sure you can understand why he isn't himself, he does need to take responcibility for his feelings and actions - I'm sure that is easier said than done.
You can't really push someone into therapy, he's likely to be resentful and unresponsive if he doesn't want to be there, but maybe you can help him arrive at the conclusion that he would feel better if he spoke with some about his dad's passing. Even if he does not go to see someone now, he needs to know that it isn't OK to treat you and your daughter so poorly and to basically isolate himself from his family, he needs the love, support and respect of his family to get through this.
Good Luck, I hope you guys can resolve this soon
diva7531
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
OMG, first Caroline I am so sorry that happened to you and hope you feel better soon Second : Tell me where to find your DH so I can slap him upside the head! Yes, men are total babies when they are sick, but Damnit we should be treated the same when we are sick!
carolinebr
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Re: When you/DH are sick...
Posted by diva7531
OMG, first Caroline I am so sorry that happened to you and hope you feel better soon Second : Tell me where to find your DH so I can slap him upside the head! Yes, men are total babies when they are sick, but Damnit we should be treated the same when we are sick!
HA! Thank you! I needed a laugh. I have been SO upset lately.
