UPDATE : When you/DH are sick...

Is anyone else married to a man who is a TOTAL baby when he is sick but when YOU are sick, he tells you to suck it up? Or did I just marry a total d!ck?

I am ready to STRANGLE him. Honestly, if he has the sniffles, he is in bed for days & calls the world & tells them how sick he is. But I went to the ER this weekend with a ruptured ovarian cyst, was kept overnight for observation & told to rest in bed for 1-3 days. After 1/2 a day, DH was telling me to 'get up & go to work'. I am so upset. He totally minimalized what happened to me. He went so far as to actually say to me last night 'nothing is wrong with you, get up.' I am so upset over this.

He even said at the hospital 'you know, I don't feel well either.' Really d!ckhead? How come I'M THE ONE ON THE GURNEY! He always needs to be the center of attention. Its really upsetting.



UPDATE

He just called & said “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you and that I’m going to work on it.”

He must have been sweating.

I told him “I hope you’re serious because right now it is very difficult for me to stay with you.” I told him I got the names of some marriage counselors (which I did) and that I think we should go. He said “we don’t need that. I don’t need someone to tell me I’m a d!ck. I already know I haven’t been treating you right.”

I said “well maybe you should go talk to someone anyway about your father’s death because you have been very upset. Maybe talking to an outsider will help”

He said we’ll talk about it tonight.

Thanks to all of you for your support. Now I just need to get his *** to counseling.

Im sorry you had to deal with that happening to you and DH not being very understanding or supportive on top of it. We're here for you!! I hope youre feeling better.

Are you kidding me? That's incredibly painful (the ruptured cyst) -- I can't believe he has absolutely no understanding that you are sick / in pain. That would hurt me terribly, too.

And how are you feeling? I hope you're better soon!

Oh Man, I'm so sorry he isn't trying to understand what you are going through I hope you are feeling better and laying low

I would have been very hurt if DH said those things to me and I think you should let him know how hurtful his comments were - although I would wait until you are healed (if you can) so you don't stress yourself/body out more

feel better

He just ALWAYS needs to be the center of attention.

I am so hurt that I was in total tears last night.

I took a sick day & he was literally MAD AT ME. The last night. I was chasing the baby around, did laundry, did grocery shopping. & carried it all in by myself while he sat on the couch in his underwear (as usual). I was told not to lift ANYTHING, not even the baby for a few days. I asked him 3x to get up & help with the groceries. Instead he laid there & played with his b@lls. I carried it all in & he said “SEE I told you there was nothing wrong with you.”

Then I HEAR him on the phone & he says “yeah, she’s been in bed all day. I’ve been taking care of the baby.” THAT’S A LIE. I even shouted so whoever could hear me “I AM NOT IN BED,YOU LIAR!” I would have gladly been in bed, but every time I tried to rest, he YELLED at me to get up. I don’t understand what the f*cking problem is? WHY am I not allowed to lay down or rest? I cannot stop crying over this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you and DH need to sit down and really have a heart to heart talk. I remember you posting a while back about your DH not helping around the house. It sounds like you carry the majority of the workload at home and with the baby and that is not fair. Marriage is about partnership and working together to help each other out. You were sick and in the hospital and you really shouldn't be lifting things after what you have been through or it can be detrimental to your health. What would happend if you became really ill or really hurt yourself. What would your DH do? WOuld he be able to care for the baby, and help you? I would be just as upset as you. When you are a little more calm and put together sit down and talk. Maybe, a couples counselor would help in mediating so the conversations goes the right way! I'm so sorry your upset, and I hope you feel better

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Posted by FullersBride

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you and DH need to sit down and really have a heart to heart talk. I remember you posting a while back about your DH not helping around the house. It sounds like you carry the majority of the workload at home and with the baby and that is not fair. Marriage is about partnership and working together to help each other out. gy:

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No, he cannot take care of our daughter at all. He has never made ONE bottle. She's 7 months old.

I work full time, plus take care of the baby & I do ALL the housework. I had to go away for business for 1 night last week & he had his mom come over & watch the baby so he could go out with his friends. I was so disappointed that he couldn't stay in ONE night.

He is completely irresponsible & selfish

yeah, that's partly a guy thing.... they THINK they manage pain better than us, so they're entitled to the drama, but alas, they don't...... end result is that our suffering is partially ignored....

DH and I have caught the flu frequently at close to the same time.... and his flu is always 'much worse' than mine, or he blames my immune system for being 'too weak'

I will say that he definitely shows concern for me when I'm sick, and once it clicks in his head that things aren't right, he doesn't push me.

I think part of the reason your DH is so thick about this is because it's a femme problem. he doesn't realize how BAD a ruptured cyst really is...

feel better.... you know you can always get support from us

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Posted by FullersBride

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you and DH need to sit down and really have a heart to heart talk. I remember you posting a while back about your DH not helping around the house. It sounds like you carry the majority of the workload at home and with the baby and that is not fair. Marriage is about partnership and working together to help each other out. You were sick and in the hospital and you really shouldn't be lifting things after what you have been through or it can be detrimental to your health. What would happend if you became really ill or really hurt yourself. What would your DH do? WOuld he be able to care for the baby, and help you? I would be just as upset as you. When you are a little more calm and put together sit down and talk. Maybe, a couples counselor would help in mediating so the conversations goes the right way! I'm so sorry your upset, and I hope you feel better

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i agree... it seems like since the two of you got married you have both been through a lot, and i think a counselor is the best thing for you guys right now - even if he refuses to go, you can still go alone to learn how to deal with all of this. i don't think that what he is doing to you is fair, and it seems like this is a pattern, not a one time occurrence. i don't know that i could stand to be with someone who did not support me... i am sorry you are going through all this

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Posted by carolinebrIs anyone else married to a man who is a TOTAL baby when he is sick but when YOU are sick, he tells you to suck it up? Or did I just marry a total d!ck?

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Sorry, but he does sound like a **** in this situation. Talk to him. Say, 'Look, I'm not happy with the way you treated me when I had a freaking RUPTURE in my body.' (I've had ovarian cysts rupture, and they hurt a LOT.)

Now that I've read your other posts...wow. You guys need counseling. Why the f-ck should you work a full-time job, do all the housework, and all the childcare? And then when you're sick he tells you to get out of bed? F-ck that! Do NOT put up with that any longer.

I'm sorry, but your husband needs to clean up his act. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

huh lets talk HANGOVERS.. or when DH went out with my cousin and stayed out a little TOO late and couldnt get out of bed SUnday morning to join me, our son & my parents for a nice day in manhattanj...

Let's not talk about how i was throwing up ALL MORNING Saturday morning but DH had to rush out b/c he had plans to go bike riding with a friend... and our poor 7 year old had to hang with sick mommy in bed until she was well enough to take him to the park.

they're all babies.

to DH's credit, he IS helpful around the house and he is trying to take more rsponsibility with our son. (he's his step dad so its hard for me to let him)

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Posted by carolinep24
they're all babies.
to DH's credit, he IS helpful around the house and he is trying to take more rsponsibility with our son. (he's his step dad so its hard for me to let him)

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My husband doesn't do that. He's not a baby. I'm chronically ill, and he's incredibly supportive of me in my daily struggle, and takes care of me when I'm really ill. He also does half the housework, even though he holds down a full-time job and has a freelance business that takes up a good twenty hours a week, if not more. He's not babyish when he's sick, not more than anyone else. And he's a fabulous dad to his teenage son, my stepson.

I can't have married the only adult man on Long Island. What I don't understand is why anyone would let their husband get away with that stuff. Like doing all the housework. Why would you do all the housework when you both work? Because it's women's work? This isn't the 1950s. I know there are plenty of guys out there who don't believe they have to do housework, but I don't understand why anyone would marry one of them! Yes, you love them, but in my experience love doesn't survive forever in the absence of respect. And a man who expects you to do all the work around the house while he sits in his underwear playing video games has no respect for you as a human being.

Sorry I'm being harsh, but this is a topic I feel strongly about.

I can't believe your husband I agree with the pp's that you need to seek counseling.
I admit my dh may be a little bit of a baby when sick but is getting much better about it. When I am sick he tries to help as best he can. He was not like this in the begining of the relationship but as time passed he became more and more helpful. Now that I am pregnant he is wonderful. He does whatever he can so I can rest. He just keeps saying take it easy pregnant lady.

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Posted by Pencils

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Posted by carolinep24
they're all babies.
to DH's credit, he IS helpful around the house and he is trying to take more rsponsibility with our son. (he's his step dad so its hard for me to let him)

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My husband doesn't do that. He's not a baby. I'm chronically ill, and he's incredibly supportive of me in my daily struggle, and takes care of me when I'm really ill. He also does half the housework, even though he holds down a full-time job and has a freelance business that takes up a good twenty hours a week, if not more. He's not babyish when he's sick, not more than anyone else. And he's a fabulous dad to his teenage son, my stepson.

I can't have married the only adult man on Long Island. What I don't understand is why anyone would let their husband get away with that stuff. Like doing all the housework. Why would you do all the housework when you both work? Because it's women's work? This isn't the 1950s. I know there are plenty of guys out there who don't believe they have to do housework, but I don't understand why anyone would marry one of them! Yes, you love them, but in my experience love doesn't survive forever in the absence of respect. And a man who expects you to do all the work around the house while he sits in his underwear playing video games has no respect for you as a human being.

Sorry I'm being harsh, but this is a topic I feel strongly about.

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He wasn't like this before we were married. he has changed.

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Posted by Pencils
I know there are plenty of guys out there who don't believe they have to do housework, but I don't understand why anyone would marry one of them!

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For the record, this was kind of rude. We are already married. I'm not asking you if you approve of my marriage. I am clearly already upset about this. I didn't really need a dig like this. You are entitled to your opinion of course, but please don't insult me.

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Posted by carolinebr

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Posted by Pencils
I know there are plenty of guys out there who don't believe they have to do housework, but I don't understand why anyone would marry one of them!

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For the record, this was kind of rude. We are already married. I'm not asking you if you approve of my marriage. I am clearly already upset about this. I didn't really need a dig like this. You are entitled to your opinion of course, but please don't insult me.

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i have to agree with caroline here... she is going through a rough time and we all have our opinions but she does not need to be attacked in any way.

caroline, we are here if you want to vent, or need support. however, i think we are all concerned because this is not your first post about your husbands behavior. i know i feel that you should not have to deal with that - and i think that counseling is a good option for you here. i really truly hope that everything works out, because it seems as though you had a good relationship before you got married, and your have a beautiful baby girl.

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Posted by carolinebr
For the record, this was kind of rude. We are already married. I'm not asking you if you approve of my marriage. I am clearly already upset about this. I didn't really need a dig like this. You are entitled to your opinion of course, but please don't insult me.

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You're right. I'm sorry, that was rude. I just didn't like hearing the 'all men are babies' thing. They're not--although they can act like it when they're treated as babies or allowed to revert to it.

And I didn't mean that as a slap to you personally, although that's what it ended up as. I'm sorry about that. You don't necessarily know what you're getting into when you get married, although you may think you do, because a lot of people, both men and women, change once the wedding is over.

I do feel for you. I'm sure you didn't expect this six months ago. I hope you and your husband can work something out.

I am sorry your DH does not seem understanding when you are not feeling well. That's not very nice of him. I could imagine the pain you must've felt when your ovarian cyst burst. I've heard this is extremely painful. I guess this is the reason why woman have babies and men don't. They couldn't deal with the pain.

Once again, I am sorry to hear your DH is so insensitive about this. I would try to express to him how upset this makes you.

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Posted by Pencils

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Posted by carolinebr
For the record, this was kind of rude. We are already married. I'm not asking you if you approve of my marriage. I am clearly already upset about this. I didn't really need a dig like this. You are entitled to your opinion of course, but please don't insult me.

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You're right. I'm sorry, that was rude. I just didn't like hearing the 'all men are babies' thing. They're not--although they can act like it when they're treated as babies or allowed to revert to it.

And I didn't mean that as a slap to you personally, although that's what it ended up as. I'm sorry about that. You don't necessarily know what you're getting into when you get married, although you may think you do, because a lot of people, both men and women, change once the wedding is over.

I do feel for you. I'm sure you didn't expect this six months ago. I hope you and your husband can work something out.

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Thank you. I sincerely appreciate that. I hope we can work it our too