(updated)Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

A couple should NOT have a child until BOTH people are ready. Being ready means a lot of things to many people. Some people need a large savings account, all debt paid off, a house- others need time to travel, be carefree, spend money on whatever they want, while others want time to advance in their careers before having a baby.
Each person sees being a parent differently. Neither way is right or wrong.

Of course the idea of having a baby is very romantic to many couples- a real life person that is made because you love each other. But in reality, caring for a newborn is not always romantic. Kids are a life long responsiblity.

You and your DH need to take a weekend away and truly discuss (talk, not yell or criticize) how you feel about your marriage, having a baby and all that changes with both. You may have a bit of a different time-line. And that is okay. But if you are both unhappy in your marriage or not sure if it is working DO NOT have a baby. Bringing a child into an unhappy marriage will just create more chaos and introduce a new stress, plus you will be involving an innocent child.

I wish you happier times.

Claud, your advice was excellent! Nothing more is needed to be said!

Confused - I hope you work through the struggles you are experiencing. Always know we are here for you. Sometimes the right choice is not always the easy one. God bless you.

Thanks sharon! I hope you are doing better

Confused, I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but I agree with what everyone else had said. You should not have a baby unless the BOTH of you are ready for it. Having a baby comes with a lot more responsibility then just being married does. You cannot come and go as you please, because you will have a little person who depends on you for everything!

And if you have any doubts about your marriage now, the worst thing to do is to bring a baby into it! I know too many people who did that thinking it would 'save the marriage' or 'he'll change his mind once the baby is born', or whatever, and that totally backfired. If he's being honest with you and says he wants children, just not right now, then listen to him and compromise and when the time is right for the BOTH of you, it will happen!

Like Nubride, I was 36 when I got married and my DH is 3 years younger -- he wasn't 100% ready to have children right away, but he knew that I did and that my clock was ticking (I hate that expression). We compromised and waited until we were married about 9 months to start -- we lost that baby, so that didn't work out, but by the time this baby is born, we'll be married almost 2 years.

I always told my DH from the beginning, that communication is the BIGGEST part of a relationship!! You have to talk to each other and find out where each other is coming from and work from there.

I wish you good luck and I hope you and your hubby can resolve your issues and come to a solution that works for you both!!!

confused...

I think talking this out is the best thing that you can do right now...

we don't jump right into marriage and we shouldn't be so quick to jump out of it...no matter how upset or mad we are...


If you can...I would go talk to a therapist...by yourseld at first...then you can bring in DH...

you guys can also come up with a plan...What would he like to do before children...for example...I always said I want to visit every continent before kids...well...maybe we would go to one more and then start contemplating kids...

does he want a certain amount saved up...like a cetain amount of monthly expenses...


don't give up right away...he loves you, wants kids, and wants to spend the rest of his life with you...you just have to figure out the next few years...

Yabbo- what good advice!! I wish it was easier said then done, hard to plan next few years when time goes by so quickly

thanks again ladies

Thank you all again
things have been a little better