(updated)Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:08 PM

(updated)Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

Never mind
issue has been resolved

LisaT Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:13 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I think he's not ready, and there's no way to know he will be in September. I wouldn't pressure him into having a baby - you both should be ready for that. You don't want him to resent you or the baby. Give him time.

can you explain this:
'he said, btw I dont think it is normal, feel like I have this inner struggle to stay married or run away'

I didn't understand what you meant by it. If he said that, I think the problem goes beyong having a baby. Perhaps you should talk to a professional?

jennbaby Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:14 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

Confused

Are you willing to wait to have children? Seems to me he is not at all ready. WIll he ever be? I am not sure. Are you willing to stick by him children or not? Are children majorly important to you?

If you wait another year, will he want kids or is he just saying he wants kids then to throw you off for another year?

Seems to me he is definately not ready and if you got pregnant now or in September, it may cause problems in your marriage because he does seem a bit selfish right now.

HUGS to you I know what it's like to want children. Is he financially scared? Or is he selfish in alot of things?

jennbaby Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:19 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

Yes can you explain this?

'he said, btw I dont think it is normal, feel like I have this inner struggle to stay married or run away'

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:22 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

shamma Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:22 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

You should wait, b/c if you force his hand and your marriage gets in jeopardy or anything, he is going to blame you. Wait a little bit, he might surprise you and change his mind.

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:24 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

never mind

jennbaby Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:25 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

Are you 100% happy with your husband in every way?

Olgaki Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:26 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I agree - give it a little time. You'll be able to feel him out a little more now that he told you some of his feelings. Figure out what he's afraid of (if anything at all liike it will be a huge lifestyle change or he's afraid u'll forget about him) Reassure him that you will still be there for him

Good luck - everything will work out!

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:27 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

jennbaby Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:30 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

you will get alot more responses tomorrow hang in there

LisaT Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:30 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I think he's not ready for the changes a baby will bring, and he's illustrating that by saying he's still gonna want to take off to Atlantic City when he wants without being saddled down with a baby. Considering he's so not ready, I don't think that statement is so strange.

Why do you have the inner struggle? Is it only related to having a baby?

shamma Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:35 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

Let me tell you something you have to compromise, it might not be what you want to hear, you are at a stage where you are ready and he is not there yet. You have to be patient with him. If the situation was turned around you would want him to be patient with you. Everything happens in due time. When he makes those comments to you, he is telling you what is running thru his mind. Children comes with a lot of responsibilities and he is not ready to give up all his freedom and his free spending ways, you cannot blame him to want to enjoy his way of life. He might be saying these things to deter you but you have to know if he is being truthful or not. I wish you all the best. Be patient, b/c you might end up pregnant and lose your marriage or be a single parent in a marriage. You would not want him to be a bitter dad, you want him to enjoy it as much as you do. Be patient.

Samanthas Mom Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:35 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I am so sorry you are going through all this
I hope it all works out
I think you should talk to him more but wait a little while before bringing it up again

this is the greatest support of ladies though that is for sure

shamma Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:37 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

my hubby is ready and I am not, but he is being good about it.

HeatherandNick Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:37 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I too think you should wait. If you pursue this now, your DH may resent you and/or the baby. This may not be the best thing. The best thing may be to talk it all through. Perhaps if you do not push the topic he will see how important it is to you and surprise you in the end. Hang in there. We are all here for you.

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:39 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

YOU ladies are all the best

confusednewlywed Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:43 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

;

Samanthas Mom Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:51 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

try to relax, I know its easier said then done. FM if you want to talk anytime, we are all here for you!

shamma Posted: Apr 07, 2003 09:51 PM

Re: Desparately need UR HELP- I am a regular NEWLY

I am sure we all do get that way at one point or another, as much as we might not say it, every day is not Sunday. We all have our highs and lows. MY motto is do not spend most of your time focusing on the lows.