Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

My mom says 'it's customary' for the mother to receieve a list of her guests who attended the wedding and now much they gave.

I say this is a load of garbage and if she is going to one of her guest's child's wedding, I will tell her how much they gave so she can give a gift accordingly. She has agreed to this so far (as she has two weddings coming up), but she said that she would like a spreadsheet with her guests and their gift amount so she knows.

I think this is completely nosy - not necessary because it's me & DH's finances, but because I think she wants to see if her friends were generous or cheap.

#1) Is this customary? Did you do this or would you?

#2) Do you agree that this is nosy and unnecessary?

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I haven't heard that it's customary but I did do this with my mom's guests. She didn't get all the guests so she still doesn't see it all written out and this way she doesn't have to call and bother me every time she's going to a party.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I have what everyone gave on a spreadsheet - and it hasn't been asked for. I told my mom that if she wants the amount that one of her friends gave (they're going their son's wedding in Sept.) that I could give that to them.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

sorry but I dont see an issue with this. even as far if she wanted to see all guest's gifts.
my parents were the one to make the list for me actually and put the money away in a big envelope and kept telling us to go to the bank.
but then again me and my parents are always very open about money matters and we know exactly how much we have in the bank and what everything costs (life in general not just wedding)

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

i haven't heard of that before but i have told my mom what people have given when she asked and she was there when we opened the cards and she helped count and deposited some of the money for us while we were on the honeymoon.... ive been open with my family about the amount we received

i think it all has to do with what you are comfortable with

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I gave my parents a list of what the guest on our side of the family gave for the dame reason- if they go to a wedding for someone on the list they know what they gave

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I couldnt wait to read this post bc my MIL asked for our list saying she will have upcoming weddings. I told her I will let her know when the time comes I have no problem with that but there is absolutely NO WAY she will get my list to see what we made on the wedding...

Customary or not its not hers to have :)

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by 2010BTB

I have what everyone gave on a spreadsheet - and it hasn't been asked for. I told my mom that if she wants the amount that one of her friends gave (they're going their son's wedding in Sept.) that I could give that to them.

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This is exactly what I'm doing. We have the spreadsheet, and in the instance that they need to know, we will tell them. I'm open enough when it comes to our finances - we're house hunting and talking about what we can afford, down payments and such - but I just think it was a little bold of her to INSIST that she is supposed to have it.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

My MIL wanted the same thing...for future gift giving purposes and for being annoyed at cheapos purposes

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by Linzee636

This is exactly what I'm doing. We have the spreadsheet, and in the instance that they need to know, we will tell them. I'm open enough when it comes to our finances - we're house hunting and talking about what we can afford, down payments and such - but I just think it was a little bold of her to INSIST that she is supposed to have it.

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I did tell my parents what the grand total was though. And did tell them the gift my cousins (5 total) gave...a cake cutting set from Macy's valued at $40 when I returned it.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

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Wait a min! you parents opened your cards????

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

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Wait a min! you parents opened your cards????

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YES. We had a huge fight about that because I HATE it when anyone opens anything that's 'mine.' Even Dh can't open any packages I get

And I used to throw a FIT when they would open my mail growing up.

ugh...it really annoyed me. I would've given them the amounts KWIM????

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

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Wait a min! you parents opened your cards????

---

YES. We had a huge fight about that because I HATE it when anyone opens anything that's 'mine.' Even Dh can't open any packages I get

And I used to throw a FIT when they would open my mail growing up.

ugh...it really annoyed me. I would've given them the amounts KWIM????

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See- my parents are the total opposite. There was one time I got a package delivered in my brothers name- I knew it was for me but they refused to give it to me until my brother opened it-even though he told told them it was for me.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

i gave my mother and mil a copy of only their families gifts... i could really care less as we told them how much we made anyway plus they know what to give for upcoming weddings.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I have everything on a spread sheet. If they wanna know they can ask.

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

---

Wait a min! you parents opened your cards????

---

YES. We had a huge fight about that because I HATE it when anyone opens anything that's 'mine.' Even Dh can't open any packages I get

And I used to throw a FIT when they would open my mail growing up.

ugh...it really annoyed me. I would've given them the amounts KWIM????

---

See- my parents are the total opposite. There was one time I got a package delivered in my brothers name- I knew it was for me but they refused to give it to me until my brother opened it-even though he told told them it was for me.

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i love your parents

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

I have everything on a spread sheet. DH was the last in a loooong line of cousins and family to get married so we showed my MIL how much we got back from their side of the family to see if they gave back what my in law's had given to their kids or if we got jipped

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

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Posted by Future Mrs H

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

my parents took it upon themselves to do this and they claimed that it's customary as well. All their guests gave their gifts to my parents and my parents made a list and gave DH and I a copy...

I was annoyed that they opened all the cards!!!! But, I wasn't annoyed with them knowing the amount. I don't want my parents to over gift at their child's wedding

---

Wait a min! you parents opened your cards????

---

YES. We had a huge fight about that because I HATE it when anyone opens anything that's 'mine.' Even Dh can't open any packages I get

And I used to throw a FIT when they would open my mail growing up.

ugh...it really annoyed me. I would've given them the amounts KWIM????

---

See- my parents are the total opposite. There was one time I got a package delivered in my brothers name- I knew it was for me but they refused to give it to me until my brother opened it-even though he told told them it was for me.

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i love your parents

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too funny. my parents always opened my mail and vice versa I never even thought much of it until u guys started talking about it. we never treated as a big deal, the only time I would be annoyed is when my mom opened gifts tearing the nice wrapping to shreds which I wanted to keep LOL

Re: Wedding Gifts & Nosy Mothers

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Posted by mtk1605

I couldnt wait to read this post bc my MIL asked for our list saying she will have upcoming weddings. I told her I will let her know when the time comes I have no problem with that but there is absolutely NO WAY she will get my list to see what we made on the wedding...

Customary or not its not hers to have :)

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I'm giving mil a list of only her guests. She knows how much we received anyway. I don't care!