Wednesday QOTD

Another year older today! And DH...well, he forgot. Figures.

Anyways, for my question today, what is the biggest compromise that you have made in your marriage?

For me, it is definitely religion. I'm a non-practicing Catholic and DH is very devout Greek Orthodox. We were married in the Greek church because if we weren't, he'd be excommunicated. Our children must be baptized Orthodox...or else excommunication. That I'm OK with, because I don't have strong ties to my own religion. We also agreed that we would go to church maybe once every 3 weeks or so, not every week. But now that Lent is upon us, I'm starting to have issues, because DH fasts, and now I'm being forced to as well, or else cook two meals every Friday as well as the full week leading up to Easter. I don't like the idea that I have to follow the dogma that I don't agree with. He also wants to go to church every week leading up to Easter, and I have to go too because it 'looks bad' if the wife doesn't come. I don't mind every few weeks, but I don't like the idea of going every week, and I hate that idea that I'm FORCED to. He wants me to eventually convert, because I can't receive communion now, but it's not a wafer like Catholic, it's bread in a chalice of wine that gets spooned to you, and alcohol killing germs or not, I severely have issues with that taking from the same spoon as strangers. So I said I won't do it, and DH says if I do convert, it will look bad if I don't, so I'm stuck. Eventually, when we're older, and one of us dies...we can't get buried together unless I convert. So it's a big issue and a big compromise that I have to come to terms with.

So, what is the biggest compromise that you have had to make?

Oh wow, that sounds tough..

My family makes a huge deal of alllll holidays so I am going to miss spending time with them for every holiday. There are alot more people in my family that get together, much louder and alot more decorations lol. i know its not a huge compromise though. dh has made bigger compromises such as moving by me bc im so close to my fam and i really am so thankful for that.

im going to say that dh made the biggest one..

we have been together for a while..when my mom got sick and had her stroke 4 years ago everything in my life had to change

i had to leave my job to take care of her..she was in the hospital then a rehab center for a looong time..then when she came homeshe needed someone to be with her 24/7

now she is better but still needs me around as well as my sisters..she is paralyzed on her right side so the day to day needs of brushing her teeth..bathroom..getting dressed..she needs help

my schedule is always all over the place causemy sisters and i all rotate taking care of her so sometimes i need to be home with her

dh had to go with this new way of my life...its kinda wierd cause u take for granted the ability to do whatever u want whenver u want..and its strang when u dont have it anymore but somtimes life hands u a challenge and u just have to roll wth it

he has been nothing short of great with everything from doctors appts to making dinner to whatever me or my fam needs

its an adjustment but im so thankful evryday to have married such an amzing man that can handle all of this

Ali that stinks. I'm so sorry you are dealing with that.



I think both of us have had to compromise with various issues but I think my DH is better with it than I am. I think the biggest thing was moving further north so I could be closer to work but then he has a longer commute to his job.

I have always been a floater, and always thought I would live everywhere and anywhere. DH is a professor, and in this economy, his job needs and location come before mine. It's not always going to be this way, but that's definitely tough knowing I can't just move just because I feel like it. At least I'm with someone I love though!

Also, Gina--I def. commend you and your sisters for what sounds like a very difficult job. I know when it comes down to it, you do what you have to do. Still, I admire that your strength and thank you for sharing that detail in your life :).

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Posted by miamimerger


Also, Gina--I def. commend you and your sisters for what sounds like a very difficult job. I know when it comes down to it, you do what you have to do. Still, I admire that your strength and thank you for sharing that detail in your life :).

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I have to agree with this ... any 'compromise' DH and I have made (and I really can't think of any) would pale in comparison to what you guys are doing. I think that's wonderful that your family and your DH have stepped up to the plate and I hope one day you have a slew of kids who would do the same for you!

For me, it was not getting married in a Catholic church. DH is divorced, and many of you know his ex vigorously contested the annulment (even though she signed a legal document at time of divorce stating she would not do so).

So, we were unable to be married in the Catholic church. My family is very religious, and it was hard for me - my whole life I dreamed of getting married in my beautiful chapel, but it worked out in the end. We had Pastor April, and her ceremony by far was more beautiful than any ceremony I have seen our parish priest do. But it took me a long time to be okay with it before the wedding, and we held out hope that it would come through for quite some time.

The annulment was granted in late December (2 weeks after our wedding). She is now appealing that decision.

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Posted by julesrbf

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Posted by miamimerger


Also, Gina--I def. commend you and your sisters for what sounds like a very difficult job. I know when it comes down to it, you do what you have to do. Still, I admire that your strength and thank you for sharing that detail in your life :).

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I have to agree with this ... any 'compromise' DH and I have made (and I really can't think of any) would pale in comparison to what you guys are doing. I think that's wonderful that your family and your DH have stepped up to the plate and I hope one day you have a slew of kids who would do the same for you!

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thanks girls so much!!!!!

Wow Ali that is tough. My BFF was a non practicing Jew, and married a Greek. She had to convert in order to be married in the church. She had to take classes, and be baptized. I am surprised they didn't make you convert before the wedding?
For me I think it was making the choice to resign my position in NY, to move to D.C. w/ DH for his job. I had to give up a job were I had worked my way up from a PT position I had in college, to a FT director position. It was scary to walk away from that. It was also hard to move 5 hours away from the majority of my family. I know it has been hard on DH also b/c his parents are also still in NY. However his brother, and FSIL live down here about 10 minutes from us. Also he has friends from work, and I am kinda in limbo. We moved while ttc, and I got pregnant way faster than I thought I would. We were thrilled but it was really hard to find a job, and even harder to find a job pregnant. I haven't been able to find anything, and now I am almost 6 months. Who is really going to hire me now? KWIM? It is also tough trying to make new friends. This has defin been the biggest compromise for me, but I am happy with my choice.

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Posted by ttdiff11

Oh wow, that sounds tough..

My family makes a huge deal of alllll holidays so I am going to miss spending time with them for every holiday. There are alot more people in my family that get together, much louder and alot more decorations lol. i know its not a huge compromise though. dh has made bigger compromises such as moving by me bc im so close to my fam and i really am so thankful for that.

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This is totally the same for me. It's definitely a compromise to give up spending holidays with my fam when we are with DH's fam. I love them so much, but it's not the same.

I feel like a poop for even calling it a compromise considering what you girls are compromising.

Ali - so sorry that DH forgot your bday!

And Gina, what a great thing that you are all doing for your mom. She is one lucky lady!

I'd have to say that for us, it didn't matter to DH whether or not we got married in a church. But for me, it was very important. His mother is very anti-catholic due to some 'issues' in her life; and DH understood that no matter who had opinions of it, we would still get married in the church.

The biggest compromise so far, is DH moving in to live with me. He went from having a 15 minute commute to work to about a 45 minute commute. That's until we sell my apartment and can move closer to work.

Wow thats difficult. For us DH made the bigger compromise, living here near my family when his family is in NJ and his job is based in CT. But I might have to move to CT so that would be a compromise I made.

CT we can deal with, but if we move to NJ to be near his family we will end up divorced.

Well we have only be married for 45 days so nothing really, the hardest thing was buying a new couch!

Brad and I are very lucky...both our familes are from Long Island, our schedules are similar, we are not religious...i cant even think of a compromise we had to make.

Gina- I just want to tell you how amazing I think you are. What you are going through is not an easy thing and your mom is so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter and son in law. You are truly a special lady Gina. I hope things get easier for you guys. Love you and Tommy to pieces!

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Posted by gina409

im going to say that dh made the biggest one..

we have been together for a while..when my mom got sick and had her stroke 4 years ago everything in my life had to change

i had to leave my job to take care of her..she was in the hospital then a rehab center for a looong time..then when she came homeshe needed someone to be with her 24/7

now she is better but still needs me around as well as my sisters..she is paralyzed on her right side so the day to day needs of brushing her teeth..bathroom..getting dressed..she needs help

my schedule is always all over the place causemy sisters and i all rotate taking care of her so sometimes i need to be home with her

dh had to go with this new way of my life...its kinda wierd cause u take for granted the ability to do whatever u want whenver u want..and its strang when u dont have it anymore but somtimes life hands u a challenge and u just have to roll wth it

he has been nothing short of great with everything from doctors appts to making dinner to whatever me or my fam needs

its an adjustment but im so thankful evryday to have married such an amzing man that can handle all of this

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Gina, I have only met you once & gotten to know you through here & FB - & I KNOW how wonderful of a person you are to begin with. But after reading this I just want to hug you until the cows come home! I know how difficult this is for you b/c my mom had to do it for her mom & she rotated shifts w/ her 3 brothers - & most of the times she went I went with her. It can be so physically & emotionally draining at times. I just want you to know that you will be rewarded for you selflessness & your giving & your love. & part of that has alraeady come to you through Tommy. I dont mean to get all religious on you, but I honestly feel that God sent him to you b/c he would be understanding & patient & compassionate- that you were going through so much already & that Tommy was your reward, your gift - for giving up & doing so much of what you have already. I just love the both of you & know you are in my prayers honey. BIG HUGS!

dam u girls..u made me cry

i love u girls so much