Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Do not say a word to these people - or else you will be the one to look like a fool. Sorry, JMO...but, I think it's very low class to call people and ask for your gift. No one is required to give you anything. Just thank them for attending and move on with your married life. You held a party to celebrate your marriage - NOT a fundraiser.

JMO.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I know it hurts when family members 'stiff' you, but you have to let it go... obvioulsy they have no class- don't drop to their level & bring it up.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I would let the idea of a 'gift' go.. But I would have my hausband call his family (especially that aunt) and explain that it was unnecessary, and rude... Good luck!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I didn't read any of the other responses because I wanted to just post my initial thoughts.
First, it was YOUR wedding, and it isn't your MIL's fault that guest didn't give you a gift at the wedding. She is probably annoyed but it isn't her place to start a war in her family over it.
Second, there are people who are rude in every family- some show it in different places/ways but we all have them. What can you say to these people? I mean do you really call them and say 'You are just so rude and didn't give me a gift?' because doing so makes you just as rude as them. And the rule of thumb is that guests have one year to send you a wedding gift. In fact, a few girls on this site have gotten gifts months afterwards. Imagine you call and these people
have a gift for you waitig to mail or in the mail?
Or what if they give you something because of the call? That is no way to get a gift IMO.

My advise: be gracious and send them a thank you card thanking them for the presense at your wedding. You don't have to give these people gifts at other events or even see them all that often.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Kelly, you are my hero!!!! I think what you did was so great! My stiffers/no shows I have taken a vow of silence against since they didn't really bother to explain or apologize! However it's not like these people have made any realattempt to apologize or explain. Where are people's heads! I had one couple, a distant cousin, not show 'beacuse of the weather' I heard through the grapevine, meanwhile at least 15 other guests cam e from Queens as well, and made it to the wedding w/o complaint. Further more, this jerk sent no gift after my own mother had given him a $500 check at his wedding 8 mos earlier!!!! Send something!!!It's not like they couldn't afford it! How bout at least a card! an explanation! Another couple ordered me something from my registry that was backordered, and two mos after the wedding, I received a notice from Macy's that they had cancelled the order!!!!! How bout that!!!?? Still waiting for that gift! LOL!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Kelly.
'revenge is a dish best served cold'
That's HILARIOUS !!!!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Thanks girls for all your advice I truly appreciate it.
I still haven't decided what to do but I know that I will not be sending them a thank you card. There thank you was the favor, food and drink. I was never going to call and say where is my gift...if you read my earliar posts (claud) you would have seen that I was going to mention that maybe it was lost to see what they would say. I just felt that it would be better to say something now than to have them approach me and DH later asking why we aren't speaking to them. Although people are not required to give you a gift.....Who does that...I mean are they really not giving you a gift because proper ettiquete says they don't have to...NO..they are just cheap and lowclass!!
Oh and I just have to add one more thing....in no way was my wedding a fundraiser....If I wanted to have a fundraiser I would have picked a cheap a$$ hall to actually make money.....not still be sitting hear and paying thousands of dollars off my credit cards. JMO
If you want to be a cheap a$$ then that is fine but at least give someone a card. Is that to much to ask?

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Well said Dani!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Thank you Janatlantica

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Dani - I actually said something to one of our stiffers. I got invited to a shower a month later and responded and the person I responded to was the stiffer. I just said to her that some peoples envelopes were missing (even though none were) and that if they gave us a check we wanted to give them the heads up so they could put a stop to the check. I actually thought they gave us something and it got lost. I couldnt believe people do this. I wasnt going to say anything, but had the perfect opportunity somehow. She replied saying they were waiting for us to come home from our honeymoon to give the gift. Well, 10 months later I received a wine rack from Bombay and a case of Pindar wine to display on it. Right before she sent the gift she asked my husband for a HUGE RIDICULOUS favor and I think she finally realized how classless it was to not acknowledge us somehow and ask my husband for favors all year round. I did not send a thank you to any stiffers I had. Like you said, they had a dinner, drinks dancing and walked out with a full bottle of Pindar wine as a favor. We paid an extreme amount for our plates too.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Wait until you have a BOUNCER (of checks)!

Who in return turns into a STIFFER and then they start owing you money because you have to pay for their BOUNCED checks.

Currently this BOUNCER/STIFFER owes me my $200 wedding gift plus $60 from BOUNCED bank charges.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

OMG MayDay...that is awful....what did they say when you called them? Some people really are a disgrace

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I had a bounced ck, redeposited it 2x and still a bouncer , i gave up & certainly no TY!

And Dani we all have stiffers! I had 2!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I had a few no-shows, and never got a card from them - so no thank you's to them.

We did receive a few wedding gifts from people after the wedding and honeymoon that came from our registry. That took about 2 months to get to us. I would wait to see if they are sending you a gift.

Personally, I wouldn't call people to find out where my gift was.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

We sent the people who didn't even give us a card, a card thanking them for being there on our special day. We think it was really rude of people not to even give us a card but there's really nothing you can do. I wouldn't say anything.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

again...just because someone is rude to me doesn't mean that I will step to their level. I still maintain that you should send them a TY card saying that you are glad they were with you on your special day.

I am actually really shocked by how many people think it is great to confront a guest who didn't bring a gift. While I am still shocked at the fact that some people RSVPd 'yes' and then didn't show and never even called I didn't confront them at all. I just cut those people out of my life and have no desiree to see them or attend their events. But for those who did show up, gift or not, I was not rude nor will I be.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Dani-
I can feel your anger. Although, I've still got a month to go, I am anticipating the 'stiffers' and how I will handle the situation. Fact is- there are a few on my side and FH side that are just plain cheap.
I look at it as, 1. patience is a virtue. Although in your heart of hearts, you know you're probably never going to get a gift- you never know. and 2. even after the 'year' passes, and still no gift, it's up to his Mom to either say something in a very 'Mom' type of fashion. Although, my Mom will be letting it known how disgusting people are who don't give a gift. Sad to say, we all have to do things we don't like. In this case, the thing is not to call. If you want to say you think their card got lost, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't say that. I'd be willing to drop it after that though.

As much as I try to be the bigger person, it doesn't always work that way. I'm human too!

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

I'm STILL getting gifts 15+ months later, so there is hope!

edited to add: of the 10 or so that came without gifts, there are only 2 stiffers left (3 of the gifts came in the last month).

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

We had a few stiffers... and no way was I going to send them a thank you... I'll never say anything to any of them. But they aren't going to get a nice thank you like the rest of my guests received.

Re: What to do about the STIFFERS?

Rich's Bride...OMG...that is great!!!!