What's your most RIDICULOUS Woo Hoo story?

In keeping with the one raunchy topic a day we've seemed to be doing -chuckles- whats your worst/funniest sex story? Doesn't have to be with the DH.

Mine...College-second year. A guy whose name I unfortunately don't even recall. Lots of booze, flirting, leads to his bedroom. So we're doing our thing-him not doing it very well I might add since I was dreaming of a milkshake not him - and then suddenly I caught the WORST cramp! You know the ones that make you feel your leg is about to break off? Well I start going 'Ooooo' and shrieking because it HURT and he, thinking yea he's a stud, goes, 'YEA BABY! THATS IT! WHO'S YOUR DADDY!' then he made a hoofing noise that sounded like a bark, I kid you not..... I didn't have the heart to tell him it was only a cramp!




No such stories with the DH though

One that comes to mind is sometime last year when I was living with my Mom and she wasn't home from work yet so me & DH were fooling around in the living room. We had the blinds closed, pillows on the floor, etc. Well, right in the middle of everything, we hear her key in the door. You never saw two people move so fast in your life!! We picked up our clothes and I ran straight for the bathroom & DH ran straight upstairs to my room.

Of course, in the midst of all this, we forgot to grab the pillows, etc. Mom was like 'Why are the blinds closed and the pillow on the floor?' I said, ' I saw someone lurking on the side of the house so I jumped off the couch to close the blinds.' Yeah, ok, she bought that one :)

We joke around that we moved pretty fast for a couple of old geezers!!

---

Posted by dgirl0114

One that comes to mind is sometime last year when I was living with my Mom and she wasn't home from work yet so me & DH were fooling around in the living room. We had the blinds closed, pillows on the floor, etc. Well, right in the middle of everything, we hear her key in the door. You never saw two people move so fast in your life!! We picked up our clothes and I ran straight for the bathroom & DH ran straight upstairs to my room.

Of course, in the midst of all this, we forgot to grab the pillows, etc. Mom was like 'Why are the blinds closed and the pillow on the floor?' I said, ' I saw someone lurking on the side of the house so I jumped off the couch to close the blinds.' Yeah, ok, she bought that one :)

We joke around that we moved pretty fast for a couple of old geezers!!

---

LOL thats classic! I think we all have one like that lol. Give folsk who catch us the blank llama eyes like sex? whose having it? Not us!

me and DH were DRUNK. We are sitting out on out back porch on a cool summer night and we start feelin , so we start to try to get frisky and.....WE FALL ON OUR ASSES ON THE CONCRETE, laughing hysterically! My bare butt was on the cold @ss concrete. We were dying laughing, at what happened and how drunk we were that we were trying to get frisky outside in an apt complex . Needless to say, we decided to take it inside. Last time we try to coordinate creative woo hoo maneuvers drunk!

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

me and DH were DRUNK. We are sitting out on out back porch on a cool summer night and we start feelin , so we start to try to get frisky and.....WE FALL ON OUR ASSES ON THE CONCRETE, laughing hysterically! My bare butt was on the cold @ss concrete. We were dying laughing, at what happened and how drunk we were that we were trying to get frisky outside in an apt complex . Needless to say, we decided to take it inside. Last time we try to coordinate creative woo hoo maneuvers drunk!

---

-rolls- thats funny! Forget about rug butt burn-thats cement abrasion right there.

---

Posted by PeteysBride

---

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

me and DH were DRUNK. We are sitting out on out back porch on a cool summer night and we start feelin , so we start to try to get frisky and.....WE FALL ON OUR ASSES ON THE CONCRETE, laughing hysterically! My bare butt was on the cold @ss concrete. We were dying laughing, at what happened and how drunk we were that we were trying to get frisky outside in an apt complex . Needless to say, we decided to take it inside. Last time we try to coordinate creative woo hoo maneuvers drunk!

---

-rolls- thats funny! Forget about rug butt burn-thats cement abrasion right there.

---

yep! thats an example of two dorks trying to be sexy and spontaneous. always ends in mayhem, but it is always a good laugh when we think back on it!

Oh..heres another. I wont tell the whole story, this wasnt w/ DH, but I fell out of the bed while in the midst of flirting/playing! yes, im that girl trying to be hot and work it and i fall off a bed! im a clutzzzzzzzzz. it was a college dorm mattress, seriously like a 2x2!

I am LMAO!! These are priceless!

Ok, here is one for you! DH & I were both living at home in the beginning of our relationship, and had zero privacy, so we used to do it in the car all the time! LOL

One night we parked in one of our 'usual' spots...a very dark street, near the water, kinda close to the Throggs Neck bridge, in Whitestone.
DH was on top of me in the drivers seat of all places (LOL, don't ask) and we had been going at it for a while, when all of a sudden these really bright lights came on us, followed by someone tapping on our window. It was NYPD! They were knocking on the windows, saying, is she ok? What's going on in there? LOL Ummm, hello, what do you think is going on???

DH was trying to cover me up so they didn't see EVERY part of me! We have no idea how long they were watching, or what they saw! We must have switched positions several times, so I'm sure they saw A LOT! LOL

We talk about this ALL the TIME! We just reminisced about this the night of our RD w/ some of our closest friends!! LOL

Ok mine is not an actual sex story, but Jenn's story reminded me of something I still laugh about to this day!

I met this super good looking guy and we went out once to my friend's bday at a lounge in Manhattan. We really didn't have much to talk about - it was sadddd! Seriously, this guy was so cute but we had NOTHING to sustain even a 5 minute conversation, so that was pretty much it.

But then I decided to give him one more chance because, well, he was hot. We went out and I realized that there was just nothing there at all and I couldn't wait for the night to be over. I was driving that night so on the way to drop him off I just kept saying how tired I was and how it was so late (it was like 1 or 2 am and I couldn't wait to get home). So we pull up in front of his house and he asks if I want to come inside and I'm like, no thanks I'm realllllllly tired. So he swoops in for a kiss and is trying OH SO HARD to give me this deep, passionate kiss and the whole time I'm like 'oh lord please just get out of my car!'. So I pull away and he looks at me with these wanna-be bedroom eyes and says in a serious voice,

'NOW do you wanna come in?'

It took every bit of strength inside to not laugh at him, but I just said, no really it's late and I need to get home. It was like the worst kiss ever but he apparently thought it was amazing enough to convince me to come inside and get it on. Um NO!

---

Posted by Tobewed07

I am LMAO!! These are priceless!

Ok, here is one for you! DH & I were both living at home in the beginning of our relationship, and had zero privacy, so we used to do it in the car all the time! LOL

One night we parked in one of our 'usual' spots...a very dark street, near the water, kinda close to the Throggs Neck bridge, in Whitestone.
DH was on top of me in the drivers seat of all places (LOL, don't ask) and we had been going at it for a while, when all of a sudden these really bright lights came on us, followed by someone tapping on our window. It was NYPD! They were knocking on the windows, saying, is she ok? What's going on in there? LOL Ummm, hello, what do you think is going on???

DH was trying to cover me up so they didn't see EVERY part of me! We have no idea how long they were watching, or what they saw! We must have switched positions several times, so I'm sure they saw A LOT! LOL

We talk about this ALL the TIME! We just reminisced about this the night of our RD w/ some of our closest friends!! LOL

---

LMMFAO That is THE BEST story so far today lmao. Yep you get the crown lol. I remember those days of sneaking around -snickers- banging your head on the shifter, the steering wheel...-hoots-

Oh I have another one-you reminded me with your story. Not as funny but still pretty bad NO ONE ever tell the DH lmao. He would KILL ME if eh knew I was retelling this.
\
Ok...Suffice it to say we're not very 'spontaneous' people. I try, but DH is practical which i love about him most times, but not when im trying to bring sexy back. LOL case in point-if I meet him at the door and fling off my clothes, he will kiss me, then stop and pick up everything and pile it enatly out of the way so we don't trip in our 'mad lust' -snickers-

Anyway this day in the summer we had a picnic packed and were on the reservation grounds up in Eagle Rock in NJ by where he used to live. We were alone and maybe it was something in that bologna sandwich, because suddenly he wants to get it on OUTDOORS like Adam & Eve and you know how THAT story ended up...so against my reservations, we start working it like the naughty monkeys do on the Discovery Channel and then he pauses and says..'crap...did you hear that?'

I didn't but we move like Flash Gordan and his sidekick if he had one and as I yank on my clothes, he pulls up his jeans and takes off towards the bushes. I hear running, scuffle and then a yelp so i go running, yelling Dh's name thinking 'CRAP CRAP something ate him crap crap WHY am I running TO the danger.' But I did like a good fiance and peer over the top of the ridge to see him chasing this kid. Lose sight of them, ehar voices, a car then BANG.

Yes my heart stopped too but when i scrambled over the ridge and got down there, now all frazzled after out 'liberting romp' in the wilderness, I see this car totally smashed up in front where it was nestled against a tree. Up by the reservation theres places where you can pull in and then you just hike towards trails or go off-doesnt matter-just alot of woods. Apparently its also a make-out spot lmao and local people know this so this busy body who was all of 17, saw our car and decided to investiage-mind you we were FAR up so it was a hike. But bless 17 yr old hormones.

Anyway apaprently he'd been watching and used his camera phone to 'capture' the event. We'd probably have made it to UTube that night -snickers- Anyway, dumbasss tried to pull out and hit the tree. DH threatened to kick his *** and he handed over the phone so we could erase it. Helped Dh was all bald and scary looking lmao. Anyway cops came and yes...we all lied to the police -holds out ehr hands for the cuffs- made up soem story about him veering off the road to miss soem animal and we heard and ran to help.

LMAO.... suffice it to say that was our LAST romp in the wild outdoors for awhile.

OMG Jenn!! DH would have choked that kid! LOL
That's such a creepy feeling to know your being watched, with pleasure!! LOL

---

Posted by Tobewed07



OMG Jenn!! DH would have choked that kid! LOL
That's such a creepy feeling to know your being watched, with pleasure!! LOL

---

I KNOW. These camera phones mein...Just tools for the young and horny lmao. DH wanted to kill him lmao. The best part is the kid kept sneaking pics at my *** when the cop was talking to us lmao and then the DH made the hand across throat sign to him and he almost peed himself. Little jerk..THIS is why i CANNOT teach highschool.

---

Posted by dgirl0114

OMG, Jenn; that is some story. My DH would have freaked out on the kid!!

---

We have weird luck DH and I. We joke that if we didnt have rotten luck we'd have NONE at all. the WEIRDEST crap happens to us-its like we're magnets for it.

DH & I say the same thing :)
Wherever we go we attract the weirdest people who want to have like a 1/2 hour chat with us!!

I was 16 years old and got busted 'Riding' my boyfriend!! My parents weren't home so we thought we were golden!! My room was on top of the garage so we'd def hear if they came home!! Well sneaky Mommy came in through the front door (she never does that) and walk in on us!! She started screaming 'Are you F*CKING my daughter??? Are you F*CKING my daughter?' All I could think was 'NO MA- I'M F*CKING HIM!!'

Oh and then there's the one where a guy had a tiny turd hanging from his @SS!!! Long story- I'll have to share at our next GTG!! Needless to say that was the last time I ever hooked up with him!!

---

Posted by Brian and Marie

I was 16 years old and got busted 'Riding' my boyfriend!! My parents weren't home so we thought we were golden!! My room was on top of the garage so we'd def hear if they came home!! Well sneaky Mommy came in through the front door (she never does that) and walk in on us!! She started screaming 'Are you F*CKING my daughter??? Are you F*CKING my daughter?' All I could think was 'NO MA- I'M F*CKING HIM!!'

---

OMG MARIE, YOU KILL ME!!!
Seriously, I had no idea what I was missing over here on the Newlyweds board!!!

---

Posted by Brian and Marie

Oh and then there's the one where a guy had a tiny turd hanging from his @SS!!! Long story- I'll have to share at our next GTG!! Needless to say that was the last time I ever hooked up with him!!

---

NO WAY!!!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWW!