WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Just had a huge argument with DH over this... yet again! We go through this EVERY YEAR!!

Why is it soooo difficult to decide what to do for the holidays? Do you guys have this problem?? With us, it seems that WHATEVER plan or idea I come up with DH has something to complain about. I swear if it was up to him, the holiday would consist of him sitting in front of his computer and being brought food. As long as HE isn't inconvenienced in ANYWAY, then there is no problem. Otherwise it's WW3.

Ok so... the point of this is not to air out our argument it's to get an outside perspective. He insists that most people STAY HOME for the holiday, I say no, not unless you are always the host -- most people (our age at least -- you know, newlyweds) travel (even if it means going around the block to your Mom's house -- heaven forbid!) for the holidays. Sure, every once in awhile you get to host, but for the most part you end up traveling.

Anyone else go through this? How do you and your spouse handle the 'what are we doing for holidays' issue?? If you have a system that works please share b/c if DH and I don't figure SOMETHING out we will be going to through this every year!

He also insists that the holidays are supposed to be RELAXING. I say the holidays are hectic by DEFINITION.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

omg, what we did to avoid this, at least this year, we agreed to spend them together, just me and him as a married couple b/c we know there is never going to be another chance to spend the holidays like this. Granted we live in Miami and our families in NY, but I can imagine the hassle next year

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Neither of us live anywhere near our families, so we have to travel out of state.

Actually, in our 7 years together, DH and I have never once spent Christmas together. And we're not this year, even though it is our first Christmas as husband and wife...yes, I know it's weird but hopefully next year will be different.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

currently going thru this hell with FH....we decided to split the holidays until we are married and have kids, then we will divide them...it really stinks...I find myself wishing he was an orphan

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

I host Christmas at our house..but we spend Thanksgiving alone. So there is some relaxing and some craziness.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Every holiday is a fight. So we end up traveling 3 hours round trip to see his family and 3 hours round trip the next day to see mine. I have never disliked the holidays until I got engaged and now married!

I told him this nonsense is over once we start having kids - I'm not dragging them all over the place to please everyone - they can come to us!

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Ugh, this has been so hard. We are starting Christmas day arriving at his parents house at 10AM. We will leave there at 2:30, drive to my grandmother's in Queens that hopefully won't take longer than an hour to get to, eat dinner there at 4:30 and stay there until later that night. I hate it being so hectic and driving all around the island and then to queens, then back home...And it all seems so scheduled, but what can you do...The 23rd we are spending with his family because it is his bday as well as his father's...And the 26th we are spending with my extended family...The 24th we both work, and will just be us that night.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

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Posted by TwoBugs

Neither of us live anywhere near our families, so we have to travel out of state.

Actually, in our 7 years together, DH and I have never once spent Christmas together. And we're not this year, even though it is our first Christmas as husband and wife...yes, I know it's weird but hopefully next year will be different.

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Same here...7 years too!! I am also hoping next year will be different.

Strange coincidence!

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

We can't get away with staying home. There are too many long standing plans with extended family that are all less that an hour away.
WE see his famil on Christmas eve & I know they want us to coem for Christmas day too, but it is the exact same peopel with nothing let to say to eacha other.
We are goign to my mom's house, btu if his family is at his auts we will probably be roped into stopping buy, whichsucks, b/c we split thanksgiving between the 2 & even thoguh they are only 10 minutes apart & hardly got to see my family at all.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

We are alternating years. We'll spend Christmas Eve with my family and then go over there for breakfast in the morning. Then we'll go to his family for the rest of the day.
Next year we'll do the reverse. It's the only way to keep it fair among the families since we have to try and please everyone.

For Thanksgiving we spend it at my mom's, and then go to his Aunt's the next day for left overs.

Personally, I can't stand the traveling from house to house to house thing and I refuse to do it. Once I get somewhere I want to stay otherwise you are always clock watching.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

We are going to my moms on LI for christmas eve and his aunts house for Christmas day in NJ. We live in NJ..

Before we were married, we spent christmas eve and christmas the same ways..there's no real method..I guess we are just both family oriented and wanted to spend it with our families regardless of traveling back and forth..which gets really annoying at times..We also decided that we are splitting all of our holidays.

New Years eve..we decided to have a small party at our place..

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

we have the same method since we were dating. the eve it's with my family no matter where it is (this year it's at our house) and the day we always go to my sil laws house where his entire family goes. so it's pretty simple for us.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

WE drive all over the island for the holiday's. Christmas Eve we spend first with my family then with his. Then this Christmas Day will be the first year we are having it at our house Usually we split Christmas also. Half the day with my family and the other half with his. This is so hard because my parent's are in Orient Point and his family is in Malverne but it is fun for us

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

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Posted by cindy_bride

we have the same method since we were dating. the eve it's with my family no matter where it is (this year it's at our house) and the day we always go to my sil laws house where his entire family goes. so it's pretty simple for us.

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See... my DH would even consider THIS too complicated! For me, I don't mind the bustling about because you get to see everybody and that's the point -- to spend the holidays with family. To me, what's the point of having a 'convenient' holiday if you don't get to spend it with the people you want to! Sorry... just venting!

Anyway, thanks girls... at least I know we are not alone in this and it seems that it's pretty much the norm to have to bounce around at least somewhat for the holidays!

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

It's easier for us because DH and I are different religions so we don't really have to share holidays - the only one we really have t share is Thanksgiving - which we end up splitting - but it ends up being an issue anyway because we always go to his family first (because they eat really early) and by the time we get to my family, it's just for dessert and I feel bad. Oh well - at least we only have one to bicker over!!

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Dh & I end up splitting the holidays.
We'll usually go to a family member's house for dinner & then by his family's house for
dessert. That's what we did for Thanksgiving and it works for us, unfortunately he is working Christmas eve & day this year.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

I wish my DH would want to stay home! If he had his way he would cart the 3 of us to every friggin relatives house every friends hous - everyones house!!!!
But, usually, we have x-mas eve with his family at an aunts house - Christmas day I like to go to my moms - its next door -
I have a 6 year old son - its hard - I don't like to make him leave his stuff to go galavanting all over creation.
Touchy subject for me - sorry!

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

It's usually simple for us because my parents always spend the holidays with their boyfriend/girlfriend's families so we usually go to DH's family. This year my Dad's girlfriend invited us for Thanksgiving with her family and my MIL gave me a little attitude over it, but we're spending Christmas with them so she'll get over it. I don't see us ever hosting a holiday dinner while my MIL is alive because she ALWAYS does it and prefers it that way. I don't really like to cook anyway so I shouldn't complain.

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

Doesn't he realize that it's 100x MORE work to HOST the holiday ??

Re: WHY oh why do the holidays have to be SO difficult? How do YOU do this?

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Posted by StepherG

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Posted by TwoBugs

Neither of us live anywhere near our families, so we have to travel out of state.

Actually, in our 7 years together, DH and I have never once spent Christmas together. And we're not this year, even though it is our first Christmas as husband and wife...yes, I know it's weird but hopefully next year will be different.

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Same here...7 years too!! I am also hoping next year will be different.

Strange coincidence!

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Wow, that's funny! It's nice to know we're not the only ones - we've gotten some pretty strange looks from people when we tell them our plans for the holidays. But this is just what works best for us!