LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Original post by KCDC

Ok- need to vent.

When I got married 5 years ago, we did not have to pay for a damn thing. So all the money I got at my wedding went right in the bank (we made out like bandits). My father's whole thing was that he knew that when I was born, some day I would get married, so he prepared accordingly. I'm his only daughter and my brother is 26.

Anyway, I remember him telling my dh and I the day after the wedding when we were like holy sh** look at this $$. he said 'YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU DO RIGHT NOW, AT THIS MOMENT'. We lived in an apartment (main level of a house) and paid $500 a month b/c we knew the people. We both worked and made great money. We didn't buy a house right away, b/c we didn't want the expense and worries since we didn't live together first, and the real estate market was NOT obscene like it is now.

Now- 5 years later. Wedding money-basically spent, have a 2 year old, in an apartment-and I work part time. Need I say more.

For those of you who are just married and were lucky enough to have your parents pay for the wedding please read my words (actually my dad's)...YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU DO RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT (unless of course you are independently wealthy...your lucky).

1.Don't be stupid. Don't piss the money away. Invest in something low risk. 9/11 killed my wedding $$ in the stock market.

2.Don't lease the new car and accumulate a car payment. When the money is low-the car payment will still be there.

3. Do you really need those shoes?

4. Roosevelt Field will always be there...wait for sales!!!

5. If your parents want you to live with them until the house market drops.....do it!

6. Try not to have a baby until you are satisfied with your living quarters.

7. Stay away from Atlantic City and Vegas.

8. Eat at home!!

9. Wear the same thing more than once. (Of course not in the same week)

10. SAVE SAVE SAVE. Make coffee at home. Pump your own gas. Stay off the cell phone. Cut coupons.


**For those of you with credit card debt (substantial)...swallow your pride and call one of those agencies that consolidate your debt to one low monthly payment. It makes a world of a difference. It lowers your interest rates, and eventually you will be DEBT FREE!! Its not a loan. And creditors love it. Otherwise you'll be in minimum payment hell for the rest of your life.

I wish someone I would have listened to my father better. But at 24 years old, I thought I was smart. I envy all the newlyweds on here. Although some are smart enough, some think they are, and will end up like we did. Although we are back on the right track now.....I never want to go through that again, and I would hate to see anyone else do it.

Any thoughts???
Sonicstef Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Oh, i wasnt speaking about your friend...just in general. I think if you speak to the average person who has a million in cash, they are not living a very fun lifestyle and then the point of having a lot of money is lost on me.

Also - living in Tenn. makes it a lot easier to live on 20K a year. You need more than that to live in a closet in this area no matter how frugal you are.

My point is that people get very caught up in comparing themselves...so like if you have a million by the time you're thirty..i might think i should have one too or im doing somethign wrong. When in fact, you have it b/c you have scrimped every dollar away and reused your paper towels while i have half that but lived a fun life. There is nothing wrong with either way - its just a decision we all make everyday.
anna Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I have to agree that, that story, although it's impressive that they can make ALL those sacrifices, it does seem a bit extreme

I do also feel that you need to enjoy some of the good things in life.

I save tons of money with coupons - Doubling a $1 coupon, makes MANY things either FREE or just pennies, when it should cost in the $2.00 range, so I get my bag of free stuff with almost every grocery shopping (all good stuff). I shop sales and stock up.
The only things I 'need' weekly are the staples:milk, bread, eggs, which you cant stock up on...
When we go out to eat, we watch what we spend, but at times, we also splurge and order anything what we want on the menu and enjoy it.
We're not drinkers, so that saves a nice amount on the bill.
I buy clothing on sale. I get $35 sweaters at Macy's for under $10 at the end of the season.
I prefer brand name clothing & shoes/better made, and usually get them for much less than the 'crappy' stuff (because of sales and coupons).

We paid for our entire wedding, honeymoon, closed on the house a month before the wedding, I quit my job (way too much to commute to, although BAD timing to quit a job!) and needed to buy a car. All that within a months time, and thank God the only one not fully paid is the mortgage.

I have to be thankful to my mom who taught us great spending and saving habits since my teen years, even before I knew I had the habits
Although I loved to spend money on clothes, shoes & handbags (especially when I worked at Dept Stores), I did manage to save the majority of my checks every week (while still living at home).
Monetary gifts, bonuses at work, anything, was put right in the bank. I never saw it as 'what can I buy with this RIGHT NOW' because the way I was saving, anything I wanted to buy didnt have to wait for that moment. So I never deprived myself and I never splurged 'that bad'...

They way the RE market is now doesnt make it any easier for anyone saving to buy a home. Im greatful that we bought when it wasnt SO BAD, and supposedly it was even BAD at the time (bidding wars, way above asking, etC)..

KC-those are all great words of advice
shamma Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Sept20, when I read what you posted I started saying, for me this is not realistic, b/c 1) We love to travel and 2) We love the lifestyle we now lead. I don't think being wise financially means you must give up all the things you like. We plan ahead for all our trips, so we are not getting up and going and we don't go out to dinner every Friday or out to the movies all the time. I live by the philosphy, enjoy the money while you are here b/c you cannot take it with you when you leave. I cannot see myself working just to save. I don't plan on being in debt either, but there must be a line drawn somewhere. like Stef said not going overboard in either direction.

Everything in moderation!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cooky11111 Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Stef that is so true my mother had a man that lived next door to her. He was a multi-millionaire. He had a car that looked like it was barely moving, he owned only old stuff and his clothes all had holes in them he worn then for so long. He never spent any money he didn't really really have too! Well he never did a will (money wasted on an laywer) and he died last year and his brother (who he did not like) got all the money and is living it up!!!


Oh gosh one of the things I remember most about him is he kept his zipper closed with safety pins since his zipper hadn't worked in years he had told me!
sept20yay Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I think it is extreme, but what is impressive is that she started from ground zero. This is not a gril who was handed anything. Most of my friends have parents who give them spending money and they have problems balancing their checkbook. Of course, living in NYC- you pay the price.

For their vacation Shamma- this is cool. Every five dollar bill that she and husband get in the course of a day (think about how many times you hand someone a 20 and you get change) goes into an envelope for vacation spending money. It's like a little game that they play with themselves.

Maybe a little extreme, I agree, but I learned a lot about how to save through her. No one had ever taught me about good credit and bad credit and how to charge a lot and pay a lot. I was fascinated by her discipline and I think she has mastered the art of living simply but loving it. She enjoys her life, but read below my original post. Becasue of her illness, she enjoys the little things. Self help books, sunsets- you get the picture.
Sonicstef Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

For their vacation Shamma- this is cool. Every five dollar bill that she and husband get in the course of a day (think about how many times you hand someone a 20 and you get change) goes into an envelope for vacation spending money. It's like a little game that they play with themselves.


This is a very cool idea.
anna Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

WOW, I hadnt read about her illness and their plans to enjoy life/retirement early.

They are a truly admirable couple, working like a team. Im glad to hear that they plan to reap some wonderful rewards to their savings!

I wish them a healthy and happy life together!

That $5 idea is a great idea! and yes, they sure do add up! I get singles from babysitting tips, I can get as much as $20-$30 an hour in singles just from babysitting (depending on how many kids are there). (so working 2 hours, I can come home with $40plus in tips, plus an hourly wage) So week after week, these little few bucks here and there add up! Ive already nicknamed one my drawers my 'singles drawer' and theyre taking up more space than my socks!
and of course there's those few sweet moms that add $5's to my collection
JENHOS Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

There are some good points here but I have to agree with Stef you should be able to enjoy your life. As my father says you can't take it all with you. This is coming from a man who retired at 55. He and my mom travelled everywhere after that. After my mom died my dad said he can only thank god he and my mom enjoyed every minute of their kids and gave them a better life than they had, retired as early as he did and had a good 10 years to travel the world with her before she was gone.

Of course you have to be smart and be prepared for a long life but there is no gaurantee and you should enjoy it. I didn't pay for my wedding and we are lucky enough to have the money we got to get us started. We are smart about it. But I always think about what my dad says...buy the best house you can afford, spend lots of time together and take as many vacations as possible. I am sure that will get harder as children and our new house start costing us $$$ but I look forward to making it work.
stacedz Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

All this is very true and hits home, mostly recently because we had to postpone our trip to our timeshare in Aruba this year because of the flights being too expensive and us not having the spending money to do it. Plus other little factors play into it but our wedding money has come and gone and we are both probably living above our means (meaning, we don't have a pot to piss in some months! ) and I totally agree with living your life as well. I have taken those loans out when I was living on my own and needed to do that but I never gave up a credit card for emergencies, so I haven't fallen into HUGE debt again but there is a balance on my credit card. How do people get away without having them, I wonder? I know I can't because I certainly don't have an extra $500 sitting in my account when my car needs repairs or something else pops up. I think to some extent we will always be in debt, sad as that is....
JENHOS Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Off the topic a bit. Becareful with credit card debt but don't eliminate it. You will need to have a credit history (hopefully a good one) to get a mortgage. And the best way to do this and increase your credit score is to carry a balance from time to time to show you can make payments on time. Trust me I do this for a living!!! IF anyone had how to credit questions (eliminate or build) feel free to FM me. But don't close all your cards!!!!

Becky Posted:

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Wow, there is a lot of excellent financial advise in this thread. And I think it applies to all of the ladies here, regardless of who paid for the wedding. Keith and I paid for our wedding, but we still ended up with a good chunk of change when everything was said and done.

We have a policy about spending money - we only spend what we can pay cash for. Its really my policy, but Keith has FINALLY adopted it as well. After amassing a ridiculous amount of credit card debt while I was in law school and paying most of that down, I never want to have credit card debt again. I only carry one credit card with me and it is for emergencies only. Luckily, I haven't had any emergencies.

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.