WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Ok- need to vent.

When I got married 5 years ago, we did not have to pay for a damn thing. So all the money I got at my wedding went right in the bank (we made out like bandits). My father's whole thing was that he knew that when I was born, some day I would get married, so he prepared accordingly. I'm his only daughter and my brother is 26.

Anyway, I remember him telling my dh and I the day after the wedding when we were like holy sh** look at this $$. he said 'YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU DO RIGHT NOW, AT THIS MOMENT'. We lived in an apartment (main level of a house) and paid $500 a month b/c we knew the people. We both worked and made great money. We didn't buy a house right away, b/c we didn't want the expense and worries since we didn't live together first, and the real estate market was NOT obscene like it is now.

Now- 5 years later. Wedding money-basically spent, have a 2 year old, in an apartment-and I work part time. Need I say more.

For those of you who are just married and were lucky enough to have your parents pay for the wedding please read my words (actually my dad's)...YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU DO RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT (unless of course you are independently wealthy...your lucky).

1.Don't be stupid. Don't piss the money away. Invest in something low risk. 9/11 killed my wedding $$ in the stock market.

2.Don't lease the new car and accumulate a car payment. When the money is low-the car payment will still be there.

3. Do you really need those shoes?

4. Roosevelt Field will always be there...wait for sales!!!

5. If your parents want you to live with them until the house market drops.....do it!

6. Try not to have a baby until you are satisfied with your living quarters.

7. Stay away from Atlantic City and Vegas.

8. Eat at home!!

9. Wear the same thing more than once. (Of course not in the same week)

10. SAVE SAVE SAVE. Make coffee at home. Pump your own gas. Stay off the cell phone. Cut coupons.


**For those of you with credit card debt (substantial)...swallow your pride and call one of those agencies that consolidate your debt to one low monthly payment. It makes a world of a difference. It lowers your interest rates, and eventually you will be DEBT FREE!! Its not a loan. And creditors love it. Otherwise you'll be in minimum payment hell for the rest of your life.

I wish someone I would have listened to my father better. But at 24 years old, I thought I was smart. I envy all the newlyweds on here. Although some are smart enough, some think they are, and will end up like we did. Although we are back on the right track now.....I never want to go through that again, and I would hate to see anyone else do it.

Any thoughts???

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Those are all good tips and im sure they will help some of hte girls on here.

What you described is exactly why I think people should be financially independent before they get married. That way you are both wiser in terms of your fianances when you join together. Its so easy to get into a bad position when it comes to money to begin with but even easier when you have two people working at it.

Im glad to hear you are in a better place now, im the experiences will help you in the future.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

A lot of great points there sweetie, but from my experience with my 2002 buddies, a lot of us paid for our own weddings. That does not mean that your tips are not helpful and will not be helpful to someone else. I have been tightening my belt lately, less 9 West trips. We have a goal and I want to do my part to make us get there, so I know what I have to do.

Thanks for sharing.

I worked with one of my GF on paying off her debts, she is right back where she started, I think some people are addicted to debt, who knows. She would prefer to pay minimim balance and save her tax refund at 2% if that much instead of paying off a 24% CC go figure. We all live an learn.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the truth. Also, yea it is YOUR wedding day, but its only ONE DAY. Keep that in mind when you are inviting people and signing contracts. I am trying very hard to keep in budget and save what we need to. We want to buy a house when we get married, but can't if we spend all that money on a wedding. We have to balance a few extra flowers in each c-piece over a couch, or a few more pictures in our album over a rug for the dining room. Not to mention a down payment.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

---

She would prefer to pay minimim balance and save her tax refund at 2% if that much instead of paying off a 24% CC go figure

---

I have a friend like this too! And no matter how much i explain to her the math, she still wants the cash rather than paying off the debt. I want to shake her!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Stef, I am not one to judge, but I think some people's mentality is I prefer to have the money I can see than to be debt free, how silly is that thought process, but I think it has to do with how this friend was raised. I have given up, I have tried on many a occasion to say this is what you should do etc, etc, she refuses to hear me.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

It must be that i guess. Ive also given up. Its not my money so its none of my business.

Oh, i had a money tip to add:

DONT SMOKE!!

I cant tell you how stupid it is when i see somene smoking a cigarette and complaining about money. Forget about the health risks (which will cost plenty years from now), if you assume a pack of cigarettes is $5 each and you smoke two packs a day - thats $3600 a year!! May not sound like so much money but if you smoke for 10 years thats $36K of tax free money you could be putting in your bank accounts!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I wish I would have learned the real value of a $$ before hand. My dad is awesome with money. He's the one who told us about the debt consolidation thing. He could of bailed us out of debt, but figured we wouldnt learn since we were always bailed out of debt growing up. He tried to keep us on a clean slate. People dont realize just how much a credit score means. God knows I didnt. You CANT even get low car insurance rates unless you have good credit. Interest rates are killers. The first thing people do (at least my friends and I) was go get a new car. Stupid, stupid stupid. Gotta watch debt!!!

People dont realize that you should just PAY IT OFF!!!!!!!! no minimum payments!!!!!!!!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

trip to 7-11 in the a.m. before work.. figure $2 a visit on a 5 day week. $40 a month...for something you can make in the morning. Why register for the coffee maker for the shower if you aint gonna use it...lol

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Starbucks hate me, I walked in being enticed by all the signs to go in and try the cappuccino something, the guy told me $4, I was like this I said I ordered the small, he said that is the small, I said thanks that was my first and last trip to Starbucks PS I hate the drink, a waste of $4

I am looking in to getting a car and I am going used all the way.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

The $1.50 i spend on my small coffee every morning is well worth not having to make it myself and clean a dirty coffee pot before going to work every morning

Oh, another tip (do i sound like suzie orman now or what? i dont mean too, just giving suggestions) is that i see a lot of couples buying their first house and its huge and really expensive. If a couple can afford a huge spectacular house - that is wonderful but most of these things are not necessities. Consider what you need vs. what is nice to have and make a decision based on that. No one NEEDS granite countertops or 3 baths or a huge backyard or a million other things that jack up the price for a house. I live in a small house and would love a bigger one but i am not willing to get myself into a tremendous amount of debt or give up a comfortable lifestyle for those things.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

ugh - the dreaded finance thread

My friend and I were just discussing this. I need to start bringing my lunch into work with me. Even if I spend $5/day on lunch (which isn't even bad) that's about $100/month just on lunch alone!

We paid for most of the wedding ourselves, but we had a lot of time to plan and save accordingly.

We're now saving for a house, and can you believe I actually began second-guessing planning a winter vacation to save for the house?! In the end, I'd want a house any day over a lounge by the pool with drink in hand.

It definitely takes some adjustments, but it's really worth it in the end.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

as for coffee - the regular Starbuck's coffee isn't so bad - by me I buy a grande and it's just under $2, but their speciality drinks are insane, and really add up!!!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I only WISH i had someone pay for my wedding, or even just my photographer for that matter!

But great advice to those who's parents pay

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

It's amazing how much the little things add up. I believe somethings are worth the couple of bucks. But the bringing lunch into work is huge. I can spend several dollars around here for lunch that I don't even really enjoy. I try to buy cans of soda at cvs when they have the 2/$5 coupon! etc.

I think these are good tips regardless of who paid for the wedding. TFS!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I have to agree with Stef:

---

What you described is exactly why I think people should be financially independent before they get married.

---

Not to mention the smoking also.

We paid for our own wedding also and now we really cut back. I make extra for dinner and give it to my DH for lunch. He loves his Mountain Dew so instead of him paying a $1 a can I buy the cases when you can get 4 for $9 saving almost $39 for the same amount of soda.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

This is a great story!!!!! Your all HAVE to hear this. During training for my new company, I met this girl who is 33 years old who is also a drug rep like me. She has been married for 6 years and confessed to me she is a millionaire. Her and her drug rep husband have amassed one million dollars in assets. I said to her 'How in the world did you do that?, when both of you make about 50-60k a year?' This is what she said.....

1. Don't be 'house poor'. We live in a small house in Tennessee. She said several of her friends have large houses and can't afford to put furniture in it. She has lived in that house for 10 years with husband. Imagine no moving costs. Not too much furniture needed. Keep the same furniture.

2. Stop 'keeping up with the Joneses'. If it doesn't matter 3 years from now, don't buy it. She wears the same jeans, maybelline cosmetics, and has a 1997 car. She won't upgrade because it doesn't matter. Be completely oblivious to trends because that is a downfall. Few movies, they rent later. No cable, regular tv. No restaurants, love long picnics. You get the idea.

3. Close out credit cards once they are paid off. Don't even keep those accounts open. Destroy your credit.

4. Pay cash for everything. If you and your husbands have cash allowances for the week and you use it up, oh well.

5. Invest in real estate. Her and husband bought the house next door and rent it out, so he has other sources of income making money for them.

6. Take every bonus and birthday gift money and throw it into the bank account. With every salary increase, pretend it didn't happen and put it right into the bank. They still live like they are making 20k each.

Meanwhile they can retire at 40. She was on OPRAH talking about how they did it and wrote a book.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

Marisa - I printed that!! Kudos to your friend!!

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

I think there is a point of going too far to the other extreme too. Has anyone ever read 'The Millionaire Next Door'? Its a book that profiles a number of millionaires and their lifestyles. Most of these people live a life that is not attractive at all....old cars, never going on vacation, never allowing themselves anything even a little extravagent - and some of them go to the point of REUSING PAPER TOWELS or BUYING USED SHOES FOR THEIR KIDS.

I think its great that people can acheive having a big bank acct if that is important to them - but what is the point of amassing a fortune if you are cheap with yourself (and im sure these people are cheap with others too)?

At least for me, the goal is to live comfortably but also enjoy as much as the world has to offer without worrying about paying the bills - and then die broke.

Re: WORDS OF ADVICE TO ALL NEWLYWEDS!!

True Stef, but I think Michelle's goal (my friend) was to enjoy a non working life with her husband after age 40. There are a lot of rewards to that I would think.

I forgot to say that she has Huntington's disease and will have a short life as a result. Her husband, right after she was diagnosed, said that if she won't be able to retire in her 60's like most Americans, he wanted to retire with her younger so they could enjoy their time together before she dies. So they are saving for a truly admirable cause. I was crying when I heard that, but I just wanted to show that it can be done even in the smallest of salaries.