would you be mad?

My hubby quit smoking 7 months ago. He smoked for a looooong time and A LOT, so it was A HUGE accomplishment. After a few months of quitting, he would smoke every once awhile when we were drinking. This annoyed me at first because I didn't want him to go back. I quit before I even met him, and would smoke sometimes while drinking, but once he quit I DONT SMOKE AT ALL!

So, we would sometimes get into little fights about it, but after awhile he proved that he would be ok smoking one or two every once in awhile when drinking and not go back to smoking and buying packs.

Lately, it's been more and more. We went away this weekend and he smoked a lot of cigs with my sister and cousin. He was smoking even when he wasn't drunk. I was getting mad so he said I wont have anymore. I fell asleep int he car ride home and woke up to him smoking. I flipped out on my sister and him. I said to her, 'You're not helping him. He quit' and i got pissed at him. So we fought a little yesterday.

Today he came home from food shopping, I kiss him and he tasted like cigs. I'm like 'why did you smoke today?' He said he had one. I got annoyed and now I think he is mad at me. He said yesterday he is an adult and can smoke whenever he wants, which is true...but I'm worried he is going to start up again, 7 months is the longest he's ever quit for. I want him to stay healthy.And we dont have ANY extra money for him to start again.

Re: would you be mad?

I wouldn't be mad, probably just dissapointed. I would ask him what you can do to help him quit for good. As a former smoker, I'm sure you know how difficult it is to quit completely. Maybe reccomend a patch or gum? Talk to him and find out what options he's willing to try out and how you can support him.

Re: would you be mad?

i totally understand what your saying. i wish mine would quit. i agree with Colleen.....more of disappointing. i would talk about it rather than jump into being mad

Re: would you be mad?

i would be dissapointed as well and would be afraid he would be starting up again. my dh was the same, he smoked about a pack per day.we also could not afford his habit. he got very sick on our honeymoon and didnt smoke for 2 weeks and he hasnt smoked since. so hes been good for almost 6 months now. im so proud of him and i know its hard for him when we are out and our friends are smoking. just try to encourage him

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I'd sad, worried and disappointed. I'd try to convey to him how hugely important it is that he doesn't smoke and offer to help him quit in any way possible,

Re: would you be mad?

jackie i am in the exact. same. situation. like i can't believe i'm reading this, because it's exactly what i'm dealing with at home!

Re: would you be mad?

as someone who's been on the other side of that situation, it seems to me that he's never going to be able to just smoke once in awhile. some people can do that and some people can't. the problem is that we all think we can. unfortunately, there's very little you can do. the more you push against it, the more likely he is to hide and deceive. i say make it clear that you don't appreciate it, and that you expect him to get to the point where he realizes it's the wrong thing to be doing. then wait and hope he comes around. just my two cents (sorry if it was more like three).

eta yes, i would be mad.

Re: would you be mad?

I would be super pissed off. Especially if he was smoking in the car!! However, I think Colleen is really the voice of reason here and I would try to follow her advice. Good luck. It's not going to be easy and we're all here for you to vent to.

Re: would you be mad?

Thanks ladies. Collen: when he first quit he used the patch. After a month or so it made him sick so he was prescribed med and that made him sick after a month too. I am soooo proud of him and as a former smoker, I know its hard. I guess u guys r right. I just have to continue to be supportive and helpful and not get mad. I'm just sad and worries and it comes off as mad I think. He's not lying to me so he's not decieving me. I'm just worried he will go back for good.

Elizabeth, how are you handling it???? Sorry you're in the same situation

Thanks for ur input, ladies.

Re: would you be mad?

I am sorry...As someone who lost her first husband to throat cancer from years of smoking (he stopped before we were married-but it caught up to him....) I totally would be upset... Watching someone suffer so much has made me very intolerent of it.... Mention to him how much you love him and keep encouraging him...Fighting won't help..He will use it as an excuse to smoke... For now I would try and cut down the visits to places where you both drink and the people he wants to smoke with.. It is an addiction that can be broken, but he has to WANT to completely stop and it doesn't sound like he does.....

Re: would you be mad?

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Posted by SummerBride10

I wouldn't be mad, probably just dissapointed. I would ask him what you can do to help him quit for good. As a former smoker, I'm sure you know how difficult it is to quit completely. Maybe reccomend a patch or gum? Talk to him and find out what options he's willing to try out and how you can support him.

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ITA. Unfortunately I go through this with DH a lot, but I don't get mad at him. I've got my own habits that I have a hard time quitting (even though I quit smoking 3 years ago) so I'd feel hypocritical being mad at him for it. But I would definitely be disappointed.

Re: would you be mad?

I would be mad just because I hate cigarettes. It's not good for his health and it's a ridiculously expensive and smelly habit. Especially if you guys are going to TTC eventually... you don't want him smoking around you.

Re: would you be mad?

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Posted by jilliibabii

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Posted by SummerBride10

I wouldn't be mad, probably just dissapointed. I would ask him what you can do to help him quit for good. As a former smoker, I'm sure you know how difficult it is to quit completely. Maybe reccomend a patch or gum? Talk to him and find out what options he's willing to try out and how you can support him.

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ITA. Unfortunately I go through this with DH a lot, but I don't get mad at him. I've got my own habits that I have a hard time quitting (even though I quit smoking 3 years ago) so I'd feel hypocritical being mad at him for it. But I would definitely be disappointed.

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Same here. DH has tried to quit smoking so many times since we've been together and was really close once. But still to no avail

Re: would you be mad?

I would be mad too but I have learned the more u tell them to stop something the more the will do it.

Re: would you be mad?

I would be furious. DH quit 2 years ago but then started up again when I got laid off. He quit again last year using Chantix and has been smoke free ever since. I also refuse to have kids with DH if he is a smoker. I have so many lung issues from growing up in a smoker's home and from stupid me being a smoker for a couple of years.

Just talk to him. Remind him how much you love him and that you want him around healthy for the next 50-60 years. Its hard to quit and like alcoholics once you quit there is no occassional smoke.

Re: would you be mad?

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Posted by GR2010

I would be mad just because I hate cigarettes. It's not good for his health and it's a ridiculously expensive and smelly habit. Especially if you guys are going to TTC eventually... you don't want him smoking around you.

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ITA.

Re: would you be mad?

I would be mad but I'm 100% against smoking. The primary point of quitting is because it's not healthy. But only smoking while you drink is actually worse for you then if you smoke reg. and don't drink.

Yeah... I'd be PO'd!

Re: would you be mad?

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Posted by AdriandSteve

I would be mad but I'm 100% against smoking. The primary point of quitting is because it's not healthy. But only smoking while you drink is actually worse for you then if you smoke reg. and don't drink.

Yeah... I'd be PO'd!

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How is it worse for you?? We dont drink all the time and it's a couple cigs....He used to smoke a pack a day. That is worse.

Anyway, we talked. He says he knows it's been more lately and doesnt want to smoke like he did and still wants to quit. he's just stressed. I know it's not easy, so I'm going to be supportive. He does want to be completely smokefree (and again for the most part, he is), especially since we want to TTC soon. Thanks for listening ladies