Yet another friend's marriage crash and burns - record time!

---

Posted by What

---

Posted by zoe282

I used to think that cheating was the only divorcable offense.....but now I am beginning to rethink. Yes i do believe that people give up on their marraiges too quick...especially for stupid things...but there are big problems that people go through that we probably don't even know about that they hide. Life is way too short to be absolutly miserable.....I know personally I am so happy right now but if I was miserable every day of my life before kids...I think it's better in the long run for the future kids to not even get that far...I do think it's important to work at it though

---

Yeah, life is too short to be miserable... but how long do you WORK at something, before you throw in the towel.

EVERY marriage is a sacrifice... and a compromise... for people to say 'I'm miserable... life is too short!' is a cop out... Unless, of course you have tried every which way to work it out.

You loved each other enough to take vows... You owe it to each other to try and make it work.

---

I totally agree! I don't know how long one must try to make it work, but I do know that each story is different, and what we hear from people might not be the whole story. I guess I just have a friend who is recently married that is going through some trouble and I totally give her credit for sticking with it and trying....I don't know if i could do the same in her position....

I guess what I am saying is that everyone can be quick to judge and say they didn't try...but not everyone knows the whole story....and yes they loved eachother enough to make the vows but is love always enough to make a marraige work?

Well I know for a few friends they were with their husbands for like five years got married and gave it at least 2 years but realized in the end the person will not change - marriage does not change people for the most part. I think many people divorce because of this expectation. I mean it is so stupid - why would you change all because you have a ring on your finger? I mean you do grow up a bit but for the most part your not changing.

My friend's bro just had a bad relationship, they had some serious fights and they canceled the wedding like four times leading up to the day. But now it is filed they both have someone lined up - now that is sick to me.

---

Posted by zoe282

---

Posted by What

---

Posted by zoe282

I used to think that cheating was the only divorcable offense.....but now I am beginning to rethink. Yes i do believe that people give up on their marraiges too quick...especially for stupid things...but there are big problems that people go through that we probably don't even know about that they hide. Life is way too short to be absolutly miserable.....I know personally I am so happy right now but if I was miserable every day of my life before kids...I think it's better in the long run for the future kids to not even get that far...I do think it's important to work at it though

---

Yeah, life is too short to be miserable... but how long do you WORK at something, before you throw in the towel.

EVERY marriage is a sacrifice... and a compromise... for people to say 'I'm miserable... life is too short!' is a cop out... Unless, of course you have tried every which way to work it out.

You loved each other enough to take vows... You owe it to each other to try and make it work.

---

I totally agree! I don't know how long one must try to make it work, but I do know that each story is different, and what we hear from people might not be the whole story. I guess I just have a friend who is recently married that is going through some trouble and I totally give her credit for sticking with it and trying....I don't know if i could do the same in her position....

I guess what I am saying is that everyone can be quick to judge and say they didn't try...but not everyone knows the whole story....and yes they loved eachother enough to make the vows but is love always enough to make a marraige work?

---

Hi ladies I'm not always on here, but this topic is interesting.
wondering if love is enough to make a marriage work is a good question. I don't have an answer. I do know that the top reasons for a divorce are:
1. money
2. kids
3. affairs/lies

Working on a marriage only works if both parties are willing to do the work. One person cannot fix it. I've tried.

---

Posted by carolinebr

Working on a marriage only works if both parties are willing to do the work. One person cannot fix it. I've tried.

---

---

Posted by bettybcafe82

My DH was once married...got divorced at 3 mths..but he had a good reason..she was cheating on him...I think thats the runner up to abuse

---

agree.

someone ( BFs DH) said to me when I kept want to try & try & try:

'get out now. At least you'll have some credibility. If you stay in a bad marriage for years & years, it makes you look weak. And dumb.'

I'm not saying I 100% agree, but its another view.

I went 7 weddings last year out of those only 1 separated right away but they reconciled and are back together
Out of those 7 there are 5 couple either pregnant or have a baby already
I think kids puts a big strain on a marriage especially with the economy being so bad right now

DH's really good friend got divorced less than 6 months after getting married. him and his now ex-wife had been together on and off for 6 years, and engaged twice before. DH was asked be in the BP and he declined, even the guy's brother's didnt' want to be in the BP, but they finally gave in. at the wedding, she was def on something when she was walking down the aisle, her father had to hold her up straight. it was one of the most depressing weddings i've ever attended.

the problem was that DH's friend worshipped the ground this woman walked on, and she treated hiim like total crap, always telling him he was worthless, he would never amount to anything. he had to have back surgery after the wedding, and instead of helping him out, blamed him for being lazy! he couldn't walk for a month afterwards, and he still has problems. supposedly the only reason they went through w/ the wedding was because her father was threatening to sue him if he didn't go through with the wedding since her father paid for all of it. as soon as he was able to walk again, he filed for divorce. sad thing is, although he won't come right out and say it, he's still completely in love with this woman, and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat.

---

Posted by teenigrrl

DH's really good friend got divorced less than 6 months after getting married. him and his now ex-wife had been together on and off for 6 years, and engaged twice before. DH was asked be in the BP and he declined, even the guy's brother's didnt' want to be in the BP, but they finally gave in. at the wedding, she was def on something when she was walking down the aisle, her father had to hold her up straight. it was one of the most depressing weddings i've ever attended.

the problem was that DH's friend worshipped the ground this woman walked on, and she treated hiim like total crap, always telling him he was worthless, he would never amount to anything. he had to have back surgery after the wedding, and instead of helping him out, blamed him for being lazy! he couldn't walk for a month afterwards, and he still has problems. supposedly the only reason they went through w/ the wedding was because her father was threatening to sue him if he didn't go through with the wedding since her father paid for all of it. as soon as he was able to walk again, he filed for divorce. sad thing is, although he won't come right out and say it, he's still completely in love with this woman, and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat.

---

very sad!


I always figured the only reason I would ever get a divorce is:

1. abuse
2. drup habit we couldn't work through
3. cheating we couldn't work through

Abuse is really the only thing I dont think I could ever work through. To me that is the worst thing.

I don't come from a family of divorce and neither does DH. No one in my extended family has ever gotten a divorce either- with the exception of my uncle who was married once before my aunt. And no one really in DHs family hasd either with one or two exceptions- but his extended family is like 3x the size of mine. So for us- we really don't ever see divorce as an option.

I have a friend whose parents divorced. And she has said that because of that, divorce will never be an option for her because she would never want to put her children through that.

One thing that makes me very annoyed is hollywood divorces. im not saying people are always doing it because they do it in hollywood or anything. But they are so publicized and it seems like they alllll get divorced and its almost showing the world how easy it is to just divorce and move on. But celebrities can afford a divorce. For most people it is very very expensive and time consuming. And I think a lot of celebrities just get married for fun. And have prenups so they dont have to worry about anything. i think prenups also factor into divorce because why would you have to sign one if divorce wasn't an option for you?

okay I kinda went on a rant here. Sorry!

Ahh I only have 3 friends married and 2 are divorced.

One was cheating. She never caught him or EVEN suspected it but one day he left. He said he didnt love her anymore and a whole bunch of other excuses. This was after 2 years of being married. Turns out he moved in with someone new very fast and later my friend backtracked and looked thru phone records, etc and found out he was seeing someone else and it was indeed the girl he moved in with. She couldnt believe how blind she was to the whole thing and none of us ever expected this bc they seemed so happy and in love.

Another friend had problems before the wedding and things were very unstable and none of us could figure out why she was marrying him. They went thru with the wedding and tried to work things out and went for counseling several times but in the end he wouldnt change. Control freak, wont share bank accounts, wont share money, etc, etc the list goes on and so she left. This was 1 year after being married :(

One of DH's friends is divorced too - while engaged the girl cheated and they broke up. Then they got back together and got engaged again, married and a year later she was outy. Not sure the reason but she was a flake.

And ONE MORE - this is great. Another of DH's friends is divorced. Turned out this guy stole his bf's girlfriend....put a ring on her finger 3 months later, married 6 months after that. Everyone chastized him for getting married so fast and he thought nothing of it! So they married and she moved to Florida where he lived and well they primarily had a LD relationship beforehand and when she moved there she was lazy, didnt get a job, and kept going back west to visit friends. She ended up leaving 6 months after being married. Woah.

Also I agree with Gina...these are grounds for divorce...

1. abuse
2. drup habit we couldn't work through
3. cheating we couldn't work through

---

Posted by Jenn04
One was cheating. She never caught him or EVEN suspected it but one day he left. He said he didnt love her anymore and a whole bunch of other excuses. This was after 2 years of being married. Turns out he moved in with someone new very fast and later my friend backtracked and looked thru phone records, etc and found out he was seeing someone else and it was indeed the girl he moved in with. She couldnt believe how blind she was to the whole thing and none of us ever expected this bc they seemed so happy and in love.

---

omg see now how can you get totally serious with someone who LEFT THEIR WIFE to be with you!?? i would spend the rest of my life thinking....'he did it to her WITH me--how do I know he won't do it TO ME'

its just crazy to me when a relationship starts out of infidelity.....i would never be able to trust that person cause i know they are capable of cheating on their spouse!

I think the bottom line is what you see is what you get. People won't change...they might grow but if there is something you don't like before you get married I am sure it will stick around. Love certainly isn't enough to make it work...

I agree Cheating/abuse would be number one reasons...I also couldnt handle someone doing drugs....any kind...how could i ever bring children into the world knowhing their father might turn to drugs at any time....

---

Posted by MJDoc12

---

Posted by Jenn04
One was cheating. She never caught him or EVEN suspected it but one day he left. He said he didnt love her anymore and a whole bunch of other excuses. This was after 2 years of being married. Turns out he moved in with someone new very fast and later my friend backtracked and looked thru phone records, etc and found out he was seeing someone else and it was indeed the girl he moved in with. She couldnt believe how blind she was to the whole thing and none of us ever expected this bc they seemed so happy and in love.

---

omg see now how can you get totally serious with someone who LEFT THEIR WIFE to be with you!?? i would spend the rest of my life thinking....'he did it to her WITH me--how do I know he won't do it TO ME'

its just crazy to me when a relationship starts out of infidelity.....i would never be able to trust that person cause i know they are capable of cheating on their spouse!

---

I KNOW! But I hope he gets his in the end. F-n loser.

these stories are so sad

---

Posted by MJDoc12

do you know whats crazy?

if you marry & divorce in like 3 mos--chances are you probably agonized longer over which DJ to go with or what gown to pick or where to go on your HM than you did on whether to stay married!!!

Priorities people---PRIORITIES!

---

AAH AHAHAHA!!!
seriously.
I know someone going through this right now too!
*****.

---

Posted by zoe282

---

Posted by What

---

Posted by zoe282

I used to think that cheating was the only divorcable offense.....but now I am beginning to rethink. Yes i do believe that people give up on their marraiges too quick...especially for stupid things...but there are big problems that people go through that we probably don't even know about that they hide. Life is way too short to be absolutly miserable.....I know personally I am so happy right now but if I was miserable every day of my life before kids...I think it's better in the long run for the future kids to not even get that far...I do think it's important to work at it though

---

Yeah, life is too short to be miserable... but how long do you WORK at something, before you throw in the towel.

EVERY marriage is a sacrifice... and a compromise... for people to say 'I'm miserable... life is too short!' is a cop out... Unless, of course you have tried every which way to work it out.

You loved each other enough to take vows... You owe it to each other to try and make it work.

---

I totally agree! I don't know how long one must try to make it work, but I do know that each story is different, and what we hear from people might not be the whole story. I guess I just have a friend who is recently married that is going through some trouble and I totally give her credit for sticking with it and trying....I don't know if i could do the same in her position....

I guess what I am saying is that everyone can be quick to judge and say they didn't try...but not everyone knows the whole story....and yes they loved eachother enough to make the vows but is love always enough to make a marraige work?

---

I think you need love, but you also have to work at your relationship which is where compromise comes in....love alone is not enough because every relationship takes some work to keep it going. I've found this to be true even with friends and my sisters...my students and my colleagues...everyone.