Yet another friend's marriage crash and burns - record time!

This is a very sad subject, but one that affects many couples nowadays. I do belive in trying to make a marriage work, I mean everyone goes through problems, but I do also beleive there is always a limit. Also there are some issues that are not even work trying. I have only been married for 2 mnths and we already have had our issues. I guess its the whole living tother thing. He expects me to cook (something I do not like to do) when he actually knew this from the beinging (making 6 years dating in 09). The other issue were my 2 poms that moved in along with me. He bought me the 1st one and I got myself the second. The issue was that they pooped in the apt (had to get used to the new times). It's not the same as living in a house and just opening the door and out they go. It got to a point that I hated going home but I spoke to him and informed him that I was not going to accept living misreable just for petty issues. I guess he realized that the issue was smaller than what it really was. We are fine now, he helps me walk the dogs and I cook at most twice a week, but if it would have kept on I am not sure how long it would have lasted. A relationship is hard work but it does not mean that most of your time should be spent on making it work. I also had a friend who got married and divorced after a year. I don't know what the issues were in that case, but it's better for her to have made such a decision before bringing any kids into this world.

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Posted by What

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Posted by zoe282

I used to think that cheating was the only divorcable offense.....but now I am beginning to rethink. Yes i do believe that people give up on their marraiges too quick...especially for stupid things...but there are big problems that people go through that we probably don't even know about that they hide. Life is way too short to be absolutly miserable.....I know personally I am so happy right now but if I was miserable every day of my life before kids...I think it's better in the long run for the future kids to not even get that far...I do think it's important to work at it though

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Yeah, life is too short to be miserable... but how long do you WORK at something, before you throw in the towel.

EVERY marriage is a sacrifice... and a compromise... for people to say 'I'm miserable... life is too short!' is a cop out... Unless, of course you have tried every which way to work it out.

You loved each other enough to take vows... You owe it to each other to try and make it work.

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i agree. Just wanted to say that cheating isnt the only reason to get divorced but what i meant to say that for me personally the only reason to give up 2-3 months after the wedding, cheating is the only thing that would make me do that.

Life is hard and nobody should be miserable for the rest of their lives. But every single relationship will go through ups and downs and sometimes it wont take a few days to fix but can take months. I think alot of people dont realize this and are not prepared for that. And the truth is if you plan on being with somebody for the rest of your life then guess what, there will be hard times and things dont get fixed easily. There are couples who are together for 15-20 years and the spark is gone and have to work hard to get back to how things were.

If someone says, well ive been miserable for 2 months so i quit, then thats when i think we are saying that they gave up quickly. And the truth is that many couples dont try hard before giving up. They will be upset about something, then they just want to stay angry, sad and be revengeful. Theres constant arguing but no real solutions being thrown out there or no real communicating and seeing both really trying hard. They just finally get fed up and leave. Not every couple but many couples do this.

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Posted by Mrs. Bernabe

This is a very sad subject, but one that affects many couples nowadays. I do belive in trying to make a marriage work, I mean everyone goes through problems, but I do also beleive there is always a limit. Also there are some issues that are not even work trying. I have only been married for 2 mnths and we already have had our issues. I guess its the whole living tother thing. He expects me to cook (something I do not like to do) when he actually knew this from the beinging (making 6 years dating in 09). The other issue were my 2 poms that moved in along with me. He bought me the 1st one and I got myself the second. The issue was that they pooped in the apt (had to get used to the new times). It's not the same as living in a house and just opening the door and out they go. It got to a point that I hated going home but I spoke to him and informed him that I was not going to accept living misreable just for petty issues. I guess he realized that the issue was smaller than what it really was. We are fine now, he helps me walk the dogs and I cook at most twice a week, but if it would have kept on I am not sure how long it would have lasted. A relationship is hard work but it does not mean that most of your time should be spent on making it work. I also had a friend who got married and divorced after a year. I don't know what the issues were in that case, but it's better for her to have made such a decision before bringing any kids into this world.

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but in your story it shows that you both came up with a solution. You said if it wouldve kept going on then youre not sure how much longer it would've lasted. But if you both didnt come up with a solution then it would've ended without any effort on either side. I think thats what people are talking about. You shouldnt spend all your time making it work but forever is hard and with forever will come MANY problems and many that are alot harder that getting used to living with someone. Its great in your situation bc it showed that he was willing to realize he was fighting about something that wasnt worth it and tried to make things work.

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Posted by Songstress

I wonder if the people who got divorced at only a few months into the marriage ever had any signs before they married the person.

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they definitely had to have signs, but i think some people were so caught up in having a wedding they put that aside bc the wedding came first and then they figured things will work out after.

You cant expect someone to change just bc they are married, you have to think of every aspect of this person and think about not only can you love them for the rest of your life but can you live with them for the rest of your life, love wont always get you through things.

With my ex, i was with him for many years, but honestly the thought of living with him i would think of every little thing and knew it would not be easy. That should've been a sign to get out lol but i was young and stupid, and i learned alot about relationships from that and i think if it wasnt for that relationship i wouldnt have been the way i was with DH. You cant think that just bc you love eachother youll live together and everything will just be great, even the things you hate about them. I thought about everything, how would we each handle finances, even when it came to cleaning, and how our personalities match and what type of environment we would live in.

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Posted by TheFutureMrsM

I went 7 weddings last year out of those only 1 separated right away but they reconciled and are back together
Out of those 7 there are 5 couple either pregnant or have a baby already
I think kids puts a big strain on a marriage especially with the economy being so bad right now

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This I can say from experience is definately true !!!

A few people at work actually-and then they like to outsource their failed marriage on you-telling me, I am just a NW, things will get bad.

A-holes

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Posted by What

I just think a lot of people are willing to give up on their marriage too quickly...

instead of sticking it out and making it work...

it's sad.

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I agree but at the same time why should you have to 'stick it out'. Partners need to respect each other enough where it doesnt get to that.
Respect me enough so you wouldnt have to abuse me, respect me enough where you wouldnt have to cheat on me.....and the list goes on.