2 e-party questions!

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Posted by MISSESPINK722

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by little34

I put my registry info in my e-party invites....I knew people would ask us what we wanted and we already live together so we have a lot so I thought it was easier...screw the 'rules' do what you want....no one complained to me about it!

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nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

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i totally agree...the engagement party isnt to get gifts, the purpose is to celebrate your engagement and upcoming wedding, its nice if people give gifts,but they dont have to.

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Like I said before, I'm not having an e-party to get gifts OR money, but I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the notion that people don't bring gifts I guess I assume that like any other party, be it housewarming/birthday/anniversary, I would be remiss NOT to bring a gift. I find it a little odd that people would show up empty-handed. No flames please, I just don't see the logic in that it's appropriate to give gifts for all parties BUT an engagement party

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

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Posted by MISSESPINK722

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by little34

I put my registry info in my e-party invites....I knew people would ask us what we wanted and we already live together so we have a lot so I thought it was easier...screw the 'rules' do what you want....no one complained to me about it!

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nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

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i totally agree...the engagement party isnt to get gifts, the purpose is to celebrate your engagement and upcoming wedding, its nice if people give gifts,but they dont have to.

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Like I said before, I'm not having an e-party to get gifts OR money, but I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the notion that people don't bring gifts I guess I assume that like any other party, be it housewarming/birthday/anniversary, I would be remiss NOT to bring a gift. I find it a little odd that people would show up empty-handed. No flames please, I just don't see the logic in that it's appropriate to give gifts for all parties BUT an engagement party

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no sorry if you misunderstood...people will bring gifts bc its what they do but it shouldn't be something you are asking for yourself, its what they do out of the goodness of their own heart and bc they want to...i didnt put registry info and EVERY single person gave us something...You MIsunderstood the whole concept completely, its not that its inappropriate for them to give you a gift but that its inappropriate for you to ask for the gift, and registry info is like asking for a gift and even saying here and look what you can get me too. So yes you will get gifts...I would NEVER attend a party and not give a gift

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

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Posted by MISSESPINK722

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by little34

I put my registry info in my e-party invites....I knew people would ask us what we wanted and we already live together so we have a lot so I thought it was easier...screw the 'rules' do what you want....no one complained to me about it!

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nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

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i totally agree...the engagement party isnt to get gifts, the purpose is to celebrate your engagement and upcoming wedding, its nice if people give gifts,but they dont have to.

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Like I said before, I'm not having an e-party to get gifts OR money, but I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the notion that people don't bring gifts I guess I assume that like any other party, be it housewarming/birthday/anniversary, I would be remiss NOT to bring a gift. I find it a little odd that people would show up empty-handed. No flames please, I just don't see the logic in that it's appropriate to give gifts for all parties BUT an engagement party

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I think some people would come empty handed, because its not a bridal or baby shower, at a 'shower'party its expected that you bring gifts.....at an engagement party MOST people do bring gifts but its not expected for you to bring one.
A housewarming is brining for your new apartments, a baby shower is for your new baby, a bridal shower is for the brides/grooms new place, some people might see the engagement party are gifts for...what?
They can see it as..hey its a party to celebrate their engagement, im going to bring a gift to the wedding and bridal shower, why should i give them one now?

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by mrsdraskin2009

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Posted by MISSESPINK722

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by little34

I put my registry info in my e-party invites....I knew people would ask us what we wanted and we already live together so we have a lot so I thought it was easier...screw the 'rules' do what you want....no one complained to me about it!

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nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

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i totally agree...the engagement party isnt to get gifts, the purpose is to celebrate your engagement and upcoming wedding, its nice if people give gifts,but they dont have to.

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Like I said before, I'm not having an e-party to get gifts OR money, but I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the notion that people don't bring gifts I guess I assume that like any other party, be it housewarming/birthday/anniversary, I would be remiss NOT to bring a gift. I find it a little odd that people would show up empty-handed. No flames please, I just don't see the logic in that it's appropriate to give gifts for all parties BUT an engagement party

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no sorry if you misunderstood...people will bring gifts bc its what they do but it shouldn't be something you are asking for yourself, its what they do out of the goodness of their own heart and bc they want to...i didnt put registry info and EVERY single person gave us something...You MIsunderstood the whole concept completely, its not that its inappropriate for them to give you a gift but that its inappropriate for you to ask for the gift, and registry info is like asking for a gift and even saying here and look what you can get me too. So yes you will get gifts...I would NEVER attend a party and not give a gift

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I didnt mean it either that people shouldnt bring gifts...its the right thing to do to give a gift..every party i attend i def. bring an enevelope or gift...but not everyone will do that, some people will think they dont have to

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FalNBill

If the candles really dont match your color scheme I wouldnt get them... However if you really love them go for it!

If your registered it's not tacky to include the cards.

Happy Planning!

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actually youre NOT supposed to put your registry cards with the invitation, this is a BIG no-no...the only time registry info goes into an invitation is for the bridal shower, and thats only bc someone else is throwing it for you and the purpose is to 'shower' the bride.

dont worry about too many ppl asking for registry info bc alot of ppl give cash

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I completely agree... I think most young people give money. Maybe just older relatives would want to know what you 'want' and they can ask your parents and they can suggest the registry.

i totally agree...the engagement party isnt to get gifts, the purpose is to celebrate your engagement and upcoming wedding, its nice if people give gifts,but they dont have to.

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ditto

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Posted by Espo22

nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

ALSO i always am very generous with these things and seeing this would make me want to give less, but i always give money anyways but regardless that one thing would make me give less money

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This post seems to be getting snippy! I never knew what people chose for themselves to be right would matter so much to everyone else...
we invited all family and close friends to our e-party and they asked us what we wanted...while we did get mostly cards, a lot of our guests that did bring gifts told me they were happy that we did register. They wanted to give something more personal then money out of the kindness of their hearts.
I guess you have to decide what is right for you and how your guests will take it... I guess there are some people out there who would take that as being tacky and give you less....me personally I think that if someone gave you less because you put a registry card in the invitation THAT is tacky...but everyone is different. So decide what you think is best for you and your guests. I did and I got no complaints...to my face or behind my back....my family and friends are sooo not like that.

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Posted by little34

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Posted by Espo22

nobody would complain to you...i know a girl who did it and everybody just said it behind her back...i agree rules are meant to be broken but honestly im just saying this bc people do find it inappropriate, and although rules are broken, not ones that we ASK for gifts, people find this rude...if you look at the link i posted and that was just ONE of many EVERY single person said it was either rude or tacky, this is one of the few rules ppl still follow. Its like hey come celebrate our love and while you're at it buy me a gift bc i expect it. I told the OP bc i understand when we first start planning things we dont realize alot of things at first and wouldn't want her guests to talk or say things behind her back.

ALSO i always am very generous with these things and seeing this would make me want to give less, but i always give money anyways but regardless that one thing would make me give less money

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This post seems to be getting snippy! I never knew what people chose for themselves to be right would matter so much to everyone else...
we invited all family and close friends to our e-party and they asked us what we wanted...while we did get mostly cards, a lot of our guests that did bring gifts told me they were happy that we did register. They wanted to give something more personal then money out of the kindness of their hearts.
I guess you have to decide what is right for you and how your guests will take it... I guess there are some people out there who would take that as being tacky and give you less....me personally I think that if someone gave you less because you put a registry card in the invitation THAT is tacky...but everyone is different. So decide what you think is best for you and your guests. I did and I got no complaints...to my face or behind my back....my family and friends are sooo not like that.

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i wasn't getting snippy just explaining how people feel about this and the way it is viewed. This is a message board and when someone asks a question people are not always going to agree, if they want ppl to just agree with them then dont ask the question...I didnt once say anything to her to say OMG you are tacky or anything mean, i simply explained it and just let her know how people would view it...the reason i am doing so is because ive seen what happens when others have done this and then everyone sits there talking about it, not at the party but when they receive the invitations calling eachother up saying that the registry cards are in there. Point is sorry to say but its a fact that alot of people feel this way, so expressing this view is normal. The reason baby showers and bridal showers are surprises is bc gifts are expected so thats why we arent allowed to have involvement in it and others throw the party for us, that is simply why.

I did register before my e-party to give anyone that option if they wanted to, even though alot of ppl said oh dont do that bc this way you can get only cash gifts but i didnt want to do that...There were quite a few ppl who knew where we were registered but nobody gave a gift everyone just gave money.

Again yes everyone does things differently, but people just feel its not right to ask for a gift for an occasion such as an e-party bc there are some people out there who maybe don't give a gift and now they would feel obligated or feel that the engagement party is for us to simply get gifts...i mean theres sooo many ppl on these boards who call an e-party a fundraiser as it is, obviously i dont agree with that since i had one, but alot of people are against e-parties PERIOD, theres been lots of threads about this on here and ppl saying negative things about e-parties

i normally give $200-300 for e-parties me giving less would be $150-200 so dont think anybody would complain about that. If it was a close friend or family member i'd still give $200-300 but to tell you the truth i never got an e-party invitation with registry info...I know people who have, well one person who did this and i know how people viewed it.

I dont know why you're talking this as a personal attack from that post, i even said in it that i know how in the beginning theres so much we don't know and i wouldn't want for ppl to say bad things, i dont know but that doesnt sound like i was being snippy.

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Posted by COwens424

wow 200-300 dollars that is RIDICULOUs..i could understand if it was like ur sister/brother or something i would never lol im not a millionare! i have 100 to my friend and my friend was pissed cause i gave her too much lol ...im glad she felt that way, i felt good!

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it would be from both me and FH not just me...i dont think someone is gonna get mad at me for leaving them that much lol, even for my eparty alot gave us that amount. $300 id leave for a real close friend or family member, $200 i leave otherwise and thats $100 each from me and FH. I dont really think its ridiculous that im being generous, i understand everyone is comfortable leaving different amounts and to this to each their own. In alot of european cultures its just the way they do things. I grew up in a very european neighborhood so its kind of the norm, and i know this is what most ppl leave bc at parties everyone has a habit of asking eachother 'so how much did you leave' lol, even growing up my family did the same.

IF you are registering I would put it...
And, do what I did for my friend... FIND COUPONS OR COUPON CODES and attach it to the back!

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Posted by novia26

I like the whole using the wedding website idea so it doesn't look forced. If anyone chooses to insert the registry card in their invitation then so be it...and if people talk about them behind/infront of them, as long as they don't care then thats great. I think espo was just saying that if you do care what people think, then this might cause criticizing, not that it absolutely has to be one way or another. Like I said before we are all not going to agree. We just need to respect eachother thats all.

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The website thing worked well for us. Our tech-savvy friends figured it out, older guests or those who were a little more clueless asked us or my parents where we were registered. Those who wanted to give cash (or nothing) did so. It made things a lot easier since they didn't have to worry about losing a registry card or looking us up -- we posted a direct link to each registry right on the website. (Easier for me to registry-stalk and/or edit them too)

I personally would have been uncomfortable with the idea of putting registry cards in my invites because I didn't want people to feel like I was inviting them for their gifts,

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Posted by COwens424

wow 200-300 dollars that is RIDICULOUs..i could understand if it was like ur sister/brother or something i would never lol im not a millionare! i have 100 to my friend and my friend was pissed cause i gave her too much lol ...im glad she felt that way, i felt good!

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I don't think the word 'ridiculous' is appropriate. For one, we are all in different financial situations, $300 might not present the burden on me as it does on you and vise versa. Secondly, once I started seeing how expensive weddings are, I've been doing my best to give a little more. Finally, I don't think if anyone gave you $300 you would say 'this is ridiculous, take back $200' I know I wouldn't, any gift anyone can give me is very much appreciated, and shouldn't be ridiculed. By the way...if anyone has extra money they receive they feel is ridiculous, just give it to me and I will make use of it.

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by COwens424

wow 200-300 dollars that is RIDICULOUs..i could understand if it was like ur sister/brother or something i would never lol im not a millionare! i have 100 to my friend and my friend was pissed cause i gave her too much lol ...im glad she felt that way, i felt good!

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I don't think the word 'ridiculous' is appropriate. For one, we are all in different financial situations, $300 might not present the burden on me as it does on you and vise versa. Secondly, once I started seeing how expensive weddings are, I've been doing my best to give a little more. Finally, I don't think if anyone gave you $300 you would say 'this is ridiculous, take back $200' I know I wouldn't, any gift anyone can give me is very much appreciated, and shouldn't be ridiculed. By the way...if anyone has extra money they receive they feel is ridiculous, just give it to me and I will make use of it.

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yeah since FH and i got engaged and we see how much things cost and get a better idea of what it can cost per person at an RH we definitely are a little more generous. When i know we have weddings, e-parties, showers or whatever parties coming up i make sure to put money aside for these occasions and also when it gets close to the date to not spend on useless things and be careful with my spending. Saving up and giving an extra hundred is not going to kill me, id rather give it to a couple and help them out rather than the money probably ending up being spent on pointless things. Not saying this is what people HAVE to do, everyone should do whatever they're comfortable with

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by COwens424

wow 200-300 dollars that is RIDICULOUs..i could understand if it was like ur sister/brother or something i would never lol im not a millionare! i have 100 to my friend and my friend was pissed cause i gave her too much lol ...im glad she felt that way, i felt good!

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I don't think the word 'ridiculous' is appropriate. For one, we are all in different financial situations, $300 might not present the burden on me as it does on you and vise versa. Secondly, once I started seeing how expensive weddings are, I've been doing my best to give a little more. Finally, I don't think if anyone gave you $300 you would say 'this is ridiculous, take back $200' I know I wouldn't, any gift anyone can give me is very much appreciated, and shouldn't be ridiculed. By the way...if anyone has extra money they receive they feel is ridiculous, just give it to me and I will make use of it.

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while atypical, i'd love to get $300

we didn't get that much from anyone but my grandparents (who far exceeded that) and my parents (who threw us the party). some close family friends gave close (by way of registry gifts)

you are very generous!

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by COwens424

wow 200-300 dollars that is RIDICULOUs..i could understand if it was like ur sister/brother or something i would never lol im not a millionare! i have 100 to my friend and my friend was pissed cause i gave her too much lol ...im glad she felt that way, i felt good!

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I don't think the word 'ridiculous' is appropriate. For one, we are all in different financial situations, $300 might not present the burden on me as it does on you and vise versa. Secondly, once I started seeing how expensive weddings are, I've been doing my best to give a little more. Finally, I don't think if anyone gave you $300 you would say 'this is ridiculous, take back $200' I know I wouldn't, any gift anyone can give me is very much appreciated, and shouldn't be ridiculed. By the way...if anyone has extra money they receive they feel is ridiculous, just give it to me and I will make use of it.

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while atypical, i'd love to get $300

we didn't get that much from anyone but my grandparents (who far exceeded that) and my parents (who threw us the party). some close family friends gave close (by way of registry gifts)

you are very generous!

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i said i would give that to close friends and close family members, others i give $200-$250 which is from both me and FH...honestly most of our guests gave us between $200-250...then our family some gave us $300 and then a couple of family members gave us $400-500 which even we were surprised to get that from a few ppl. Then a few that were between $125-200.

I personally dont find anything wrong with being generous with loved ones, or be called things bc of it

honestly i dont spend alot of money on myself, i hate shopping and id rather spend my money on things like this or going out and doing things