7th Heaven : Meddling in Absentia

So I missed the first few minutes because I was walking the dog. It's doubtful that I missed much because this entire episode revolved around 2 phrases: 'Mary's having a baby.' and 'You're lying.' They were reiterated in at least 6 different incarnations throughout the hour. yawn

Now let's see what we all learned from the family with no personal boundaries.

1. Simon is a hoochie. But at least he feeds his ladies after a night of awkward and anonymous love-making.

2. Women should be virgins until they are married. Men don't have to be because they are pure by virtue of their gender. Also, women should be interrogated about their sexual history, but it's completely inappropriate to question a man about his. Blech.

3. Annie is 3 meatloaves away from hacking up her family and shaping their remains into tiny decorative rosettes.

4. You can center an entire show around a character that no longer appears and hasn't in 2 seasons. And you can talk mad smack about that character!

5. It's perfectly acceptable to leave two 6 year-olds unsupervised for long periods of time.

6. If your adult children don't tell you every detail of their lives you, as a parent, have a responsibilty, nay the right to seek out their secrets anyway possible. Methods include snooping, eavesdropping, lying, driving/flying vast distances to meddle and then emotionally blackmailing them into revealing said secrets.

7. Eyebrows and Mac are totally using Ruthie as an excuse to date... each other!

8. Matt is an asshat. So is the Hag. And RevCam. And Eyebrows... you see where I'm going with this?

9. If you get married, have a baby and then move away from your family, your marriage will end in divorce.

10. Women, especially unmarried women who do not possess the last name 'Camden' are evil and manipulative and will either fake-pregnancies or give you diseases that make your manly bits fall off.

11. After reading #10, by that token, marrying these evil girls will cure STDs?

Whatever. This episode really annoyed me because it demonized women to a sickening extent. What was up with Simon getting all squicked that his lovah had been with other men... he said they weren't exclusive! Double standard much!
And I really am beginning to feel bad for SamVid because they are becoming aware that no one pays attention to them... ever!
Also, I lost a tiny bit of my soul tonight because I found myself agreeing with the Cyborg when he told the Hag Simon's trouble with his manly bits was his business and everyone should stay out of it.
And which was creepier... Mac trying to make time with Ruthie or Mac and Eybrows alternating between saying they liked her and that she was like a sister to them. Please, the 2 of you, just move to Vermont and raise sheep together. You'll be much happier, I promise!

In closing... Annie needs to stop tweaking over every single thing, Ruthie needs to find a boy that isn't like a brother or possibly gay, Simon needs to get off this show to save his career, Matt needs to shut up, the Cyborg and the Hag need to move out, SamVid need human interaction on occassion and oh, RevCam, here's a ladder! You can use it to get over yourself!!