9/11 and panic attacks..

I am having a really hard time with this. I was at the trade center on 9/11 and For the days following I trudged through ground zero to get back to work, seeing the makeshift morge that that had set up for body and body parts.. And I watched the families come in by boat every day to place flowers and whatnot on ground zero and to pay their respects to their loved ones. I passed by thousands of missing persons signs and little memorials for those who perished in the WTC. I worked with dogs in and out of my office (bomb sniffing dogs) and police and firemen and thousands of others passing by me everyday... I didnt seem to have any feelings about the situation then. kind of just picked myself up went to work and that was that.. During fire alarms I wouldnt even leave my office because I was certain that it was a false alarm... (i cant even believe it when I think back now) I feel like for the year following I was almost completely unaffected by what I had seen. I know that I saw the first and second planes fly into the building I saw the people jumping out the windows ( how terrible a decision to jump out 110 stories or burn to death) But last year about a few weeks before 9/11 I started to have severe panic attacks.. I now cant really remember what I saw that day and what was on television.. I think my mind has blocked it out. I am now in full panic attack mode. I dont know how to deal with the week and I most certainly dont know how to deal with the day itself. I am not afraid of more attacks, thats not what I feel, I just feel very nervous and sad and paniced..

Ok.. I just needed to get that out..thanks for listening.

I am so sorry that you witnessed that. I don't like to watch anything on that because it makes me incredibly sad. If you are having panic attacks,maybe it would help if you talked to someone about it. I'm sure there are so many people who are going through the same thing.

Suzanne...as I read your post I started to cry. I was not there that day, and I can not imagine what you are going through actually being at Ground Zero. Maybe you can talk to someone, a professional about it. They offer free counsouling for anyone that feels affected by 9/11. There are many people out there that feel the same way you do, but they do not express it the way you did.

Maybe, you can take the day off, an go to the beach or a park or somewhere there isnt a TV or radio and just relax, because you know that all day long on 9/11, people will be talking about it.

I hope that you feel better. I am here if you ever want to talk about it. I will see if I can get that counsoling number for you.

It definetly sounds like you supressed it in the beginning and for the first year. It is something that you need to deal with to stop the panic attacks. I would definetly go for counseling so you can talk it out with a professional. The things that we saw during that time are something that none of us should have to deal with, and we can not know how to begin to process it. What you are going through is very difficult, and anytime you need to talk, feel free

I am so sorry for what you have experienced and for what you're going through now. I would definitely speak to a counselor or psychologist about what you're feeling - you'll be amazed at the difference that just talking about it can make. As difficult as things seem now, remember - they will get better.

Lisa i think your advice is great
Suzanne i hope you find the peace you need within yourself and remember you are not alone

Sorry to hear about your experience. So many of us have dealt with this in so many ways and although this week marks the 2nd year anniversary it is still fresh on everyone's mind and to me it still feels like it happened yesterday.

But maybe it would help if you talked to someone about it.

Thanks so much ladies

I never ever talk about it. I only talk about it to frank..
But on 10/07 (thats soonest i could get in) I have an apt with a therapist.. maybe that will help..

I hate reliving this week.. I hope one day they let us off for this day because I have no time and I dont think that they will give me off for the day..


I remember on 9/11 running from the smoke and jumping on the ferry to hoboken and getting stuck there until 6am the next morning.. Ugggg.. I think if I would have at least gotten to go home that night things maybe would be a little different..

suzanne -
i am sorry that this is sneaking up on you.. but like liz said, i feel that maybe it's all coming to a boil now, since you seemed to have bottled everything up until now. i think a therapist is definitely a very good idea. until then, just remember that it is okay to talk to not only frank, but others as well about what you are feeling. it seems that it is even coming out little by little in your writing. that's the best thing you can do... hang in there.

Suzanne, I am sorry you were so tramatized by the attacks. FI lost his brother on 9/11, he was a fireman and he deals with the same thing. It is very hard for him, especially around this time. You should take the day off and spend it with your loved ones being thankful you are ok.

I also visited the area frequently with FI, it is so heart wrenching.

Post Tramactic Stress Syndrome doesn't always hit the day after something happens. Look at War Veterns, it can take years for them to be truly effected by what they saw, heard, experienced.

I was in NYC that day- not at the WTCs though (Thank God) and this time of year is hard for me too. I get more jumpy, more nervous, a lot more sad. Being pregnant makes me think of the women in the building who wanted to not just save themselves but save their babies too...or the wives who got phone calls that their baby would not have a father to come home anymore.. And I barely sleep without a nightmare.

You might want to consider getting professional help, even if for just a while to help you deal with this. There is NO shame in that.

Just wanted to give you some hugs.
You know I am here for you if you need to talk.

Here's my $.02.

Take care of yourself. Take the day off if you need to.

I, too, was there. I can't work on that day, I refuse to even try. The past few weeks have been hard enough. I have not revisited the site since that day.

You do what you need to do.



PS: I sent you FM

Suzanne,
I am so sorry. I really wish there was something I could say. I know how you feel to some extent. I watched those people jumping out the windows thinking that FH was one of them. I can NEVER rid myself of that feeling, the agony of that day and the knowledge that for some people that agony never ended...they never got a a call...they felt like that forever.

I TOTALLY agree that sept. 11th should be a holiday. NO ONE in NYC should have to go to work on that day. NOt even because of the possibility of another attack but because of mental sanity. Unfortunatly, much of our nation seems to capitalize on the sorrow of that day with movies and re-enactments on television. I remember last sept. 11th - with all the terror alerts and memorials. All i can say is i hope it POURS on sept. 11th so i don't have that same sickening feeling of the sun shining...oh well...that probably doesn't make much sense.

Anyway, my advice to you is DO NOT turn on the tv or radio that day or this week. I know how I am (and it seems like you may be similar) even if I think i am fine, i see one documentary with the plane going into the WTC and tears are streaming down my face.

I AM SO SO SO SORRY. Feel free to FM me anytime

Suzanne, I totally know what your feeling. I too was down there in the mist of everything and stayed working for the next 8 days not being able to come home to see my family. It is a terrible thing to experience and I often find it hard to vocalize what I'm feeling to people that were not right there.

I still get upset whenever anything about 9/11 is on the news or I look out the window at work and see a ton of police cars tearing down the street, but I'm sure that in time these feelings will get less and less.

Right after the event our company had therapists come in and speak to those of us that were directly affected. Speaking to someone really helps and you should definately do that. Good luck and FM me if you need to talk : ).

So sorry Suzanne.

I wasn't there that day, but I remember the fear and helplessness I felt when my DH (FI at the time) called me and told me he was called into work (NYPD) and had to go down to the site. !!! I was a mess. I can only imagine with horror how those of you who were there felt.

Panic attacks are often brought on by intense stress, major life changes, or repressed feelings (usually anger and grief). It sounds like you went a little numb right after 9/11, into auto pilot in a sense. Maybe you repressed your grief and anger and shock, which sounds like the case, since you say you never ever talk about it.

When the feelings try to surface, or when you are faced with something that reminds you of those feelings, you panic instead. At least that's the way they explain it in the textbooks. Often, our true feelings are replaced by anxiety and panic. As you heal and recover, your anxiety and panic will be replaced with your true feelings again.

I think seeing a counselor is a wonderful idea. There's also a group called TERRAP located on Long Island. They have several offices, one in Stony Brook, one in Huntington, and other places too, including Nassau, I think. They're panic attack and anxiety specialists.

Good luck Suzanne! I know you'll come through this fine!

Suzanne, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how horrible it is and its very understandible that you would feel this way after seeing all you have seen and been through. I was not there that day. I watch it unfold on TV and I cant imagine how id be if I were in Manhattan that day. Stay strong and remember we are here and we love you

everyone handles the day differently, so you need to do what is right for you. I think many can sympathis. I worked only a few blocks away and was there that life canging day. This year will be my 1st one out of the city. and it is relieving, but still unforgettable of those memories.

Try to create a new memory of the day for yourselve, and feel comfort in knowing others are there feeling the same with you!!!

Suzanne,

I am soooo sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine what it was like to be there and to have to relive this. I think the girls are right and I am glad that you are going to see the therapist. Please know that you don't just have Frank to talk to you have all of us. You can call me anytime you feel sad or paniced (sp?). I am here for you!

Remember that you are not alone in what you feel.

Love you!

I just got chills reading your post. FH worked there, but that day he was campaigning for the primaries, and he won't talk about it and never has. I'll say, you're so lucky you weren't there and he'll end it at that. He had to work at the Pier and take calls from family members and deal with people in hysterics day after day and I think it took a toll on him. I know it did on me, he took me to the site and I was down there all the time volunteering.
I'm not sure if you have heard of Project Liberty but it's for people who are having trouble bc of 9/11, and I heard it's a good program. Here's the website:Project Liberty