i have two nephews and a niece. they are my FH brothers kids, but i am so close with them that i consider them my own niece and nephews. i am very close with the SIL too. we see them regularly, we live close by, we love and adore them and love and adore us. that being said, i was not planning on having them at our wedding. i personally dont feel that a night time wedding is appropriate for kids that young (they will be 2 1/2, 2, and 4 1/2 by then.)
when the topic came up, his whole side of the family thought the kids should be there. including him. so i said if thats how they feel then that would be fine and that i want everyone to be happy.
fast forward to our engagement party. it's also a night time event, not nearly as long as the wedding day will be, and i see the problems already. the kids are crawling around the dance floor... when my FH brothers are all having fun dancing together (they never get to do that anymore) the kids want to be picked up etc.
again.. i LOVE these kids! we see them! but i do not think they shouls be at our wedding.s
after the engagament party my FH said that he doesnt want them all over the dance floor at the wedding etc. and i explained that that is how it will be or someone will have to be watching them all night, whether it's their moms, dads, grandparents, aunts uncles etc. i dont think this is fair to them or to us.
i am a REALLY reasonable person. i am totally laid back about the wedding, this is just something im having a hard time with.
theres a selfish part of me that wants time with our brothers and sisters, child free for one night. these kids will not grow up and be sad that they missed our wedding, you know?
what to do?
should i explain this again to them?
Bride2Be78
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
This is a tough one. Can they get a sitter to watch the kids at the reception or take them back to the house? We had my RB (age 1), 2 FG's (age 6) and my older nieces and nephews at our reception & they totally behaved. I couldnt imagine not having them there with us. We made the conscious decision not to invite any other children so we didnt have a million kids running around.
agatha
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
We had kids at our wedding and they were fine. The youngest was our daughter, the flower girl who is almost 3 years old and the oldest was probably 12 years old. It was cute watching his 6 year old nephew break dancing and then my 3 year old ring bearer copying him. I had to include kids or else some family members were not going to be happy. Four of our cousins didn't bring their kids so that they could have fun but it all worked out fine and I was happy. It wasn't so bad.
meejack1110
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
We are having kid free except our flower girls, everyone has been understanding of it, in fact most of my friends wouldn't want to run after their kids all night anyway. FSIL even asked if no kids meant her 17 year old daughter couldn't come, and she would have been ok with that! lol Of course I told her that she is invited, and told everyone the invite will specify who but we are trying to make in no one under 12, but really in our family we have cousins/nieces/nephews who are 16/17 or babies. So basically we are just trying to say (in a nice way) Leave the Babies at Home!!
kadymry
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
We are not having kids at the wedding. Some people seem to not be happy about it. FH has 10+ kids under 8 that are first cousins. That doesnt even start to count the kids from my side, the REST of the kids from his side and my friend's kids. It was really kid overload. Some of his family from out of town may not travel in because of it, but we are sticking to it, or at least trying. We are not in love with the way people have dealt with it so far (ie asking if we were having money trouble and basically saying they are bringing kids anyway). We are in the midst of reinforcing now. Its a tough issue for sure!
Poggi
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding
We are kid free and FH has a lot of nieces and nephews that we aren't inviting, no one has said anything to us about being upset about it. I think they're probably all happy to have a night out alone!
lauren1802
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
we invited the RBs & FGs.
2 RBs are staying all night (8yo, 10 yo) 2 FGs are staying til 10PM (5 yo, 3yo) 2 FGs are leaving after they get introduced (4yo, 2yo)
everyone else is 21+ (except 1 @ 19)
Sugaplum111905
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
We are not having a FG or RB. The only children at our wedding will be FH's nieces and nephews and the youngest one will be 10. When all nieces and nephews heard we weren't having kids at the wedding, they thought we meant them as well. Too cute. FH's cousin called him the other day and asked if he read the invitation correctly, just Mr. and Mrs. and not to their daughter that is 4. FH said I'm sorry but if we had to invite kids to our wedding, it will be more kids than adults.
Soon2BeMrsMango
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
I personally could not invision not having FSILs children at our wedding. Also we have one of FHs cousin who is traveling from Wisconsin and I cant imagine asking her to travel here & then leave her children with a babysitter. Just my personal opinion. I dont think its a big deal to have children at a wedding day or night BUT I also dont see anything wrong with someone having a childfree wedding. Its just not something I would do
Stephanie621
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xoxlilqtexox1
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Re: a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding
Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango
I personally could not invision not having FSILs children at our wedding. Also we have one of FHs cousin who is traveling from Wisconsin and I cant imagine asking her to travel here & then leave her children with a babysitter. Just my personal opinion. I dont think its a big deal to have children at a wedding day or night BUT I also dont see anything wrong with someone having a childfree wedding. Its just not something I would do
This! I feel the same way and will be having children at the wedding BUT if someone is bringing their children, it goes without saying that it's their responsibility to watch them. If you are worried about it, lie and tell your FSIL that the hall requested that any children under whatever age are not to be left unattended on the dance floor for safety reasons. You can pull out the same lie on the wedding day and blame your matre D if it's getting out of hand.
sgf2
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
We aren't having kids at the wedding. HOWEVER, we are having a flower girl and ring bearer who are both going to be 11 years old at the time of our wedding. The FG is my cousin's wife's child from a previous relationship who has become an important part of my life (I call her my KBFF - kid bff), and the RB is SIL's best friend's (basically like a sister) son, who FH watched grow up.
For all our cousins and friends who have kids, when the subject comes up, I tell them that as much as we love their children, we want the adults to be able to enjoy our wedding. I always add in that the friends/family will remember their experience of our wedding, but their kids will not. That makes them think about having to sit with the kids or take them outside and miss something.
I don't think anything is wrong with inviting kids for people who are prepared for the things you mentioned; kids crawling on the floor, wanting to be carried, crying, etc. For some brides, the positives outweigh all that.
I actually found a cute little poem we think we're going to include in our invitations to make it clear they were not welcome.
'Come as a couple, or come all alone... But please, please, please keep the brats at home... '
I sincerely hope this is a joke. While I'm not having children at my reception... I would NEVER include something that refers to someone's children as BRATS.... ESPECIALLY on a wedding invitation. That's just incredibly rude and tacky.
lauren1802
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Re: a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding
Posted by Foxy
Kids seriously put a damper on everything.
I actually found a cute little poem we think we're going to include in our invitations to make it clear they were not welcome.
'Come as a couple, or come all alone... But please, please, please keep the brats at home... '
I agree that i dont want kids at the wedding (or at least not too many) but this is very harsh.
Dani10
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Re: a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding
thanks for all of the responses. to be clear, the ONLY kids would be my niece and nephews who will be 2 1/2, 2, and 4 1/2 (and all of the guests know that). im learning to just deal with it. it's just that as we all know, when you have children at the wedding (or anywhere for that matter) someone has to be watching them at all times. so i feel like the moms and dads (my BIL and SIL) will never just relax and have fun with us. it'll always be in the back of their mind, 'where is xyz, who's watching them..' etc. i guess it's partly selfish too because i want them there with US, but i feel like this is the one day i will ever want people just there for us also, being that young they are not going to grow up and be so upset that they werent there like a 10 year old may feel, you know? they wont even realize it.
xBudgetBridex
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings
this is a similar prob I'm having! I'm the oldest grandchild by the time the wedding comes all my cousins will be 18, 16, 16, 13, 12, 11, 9 I can't invite some bc of brothers and sister issues it's all our none but I don't want anyone under 21, but all My aunt's and uncles have assumed already that they are invited!
Terriechick
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
We are only having our 2 flower girls.. FH Daughter and MOH daughter.. and even them have to be picked up by 8pm by a family member or if they are sleeping in a chair somewhere in a corner that is fine too but after 8 pm we are not censoring the DJ to making sure all songs are kid friendly!!
mrso
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
It's completely up to you, but a kids-free wedding sounds like the best plan. I just don't want any babies crying during my ceremony!
Dani10
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Re: a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding
Posted by mrso
It's completely up to you, but a kids-free wedding sounds like the best plan. I just don't want any babies crying during my ceremony!
this is my other concern. i know my parents, for one, want to hear the entire thing and focus on us and our vows etc. when there are babies crying, fussing, etc...everyone gets distracted. and i know my ILs are going to be distracted too, plus the moms and dads.
Percz2418
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a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding | Page 2 - Long Island Weddings
We are having a kid-free wedding. We love our nieces and nephews but our wedding is definitely an 'adult affair.' I'm not all too sure my FMIL has 100% realized we aren't changing our mounds but its our day. The few people with children on my side actually told me they wouldn't bring them anyway. A lot of people don't want to have to watch kids at a wedding, they use it as a night out. Also, FH was more pro kid-free than me and his side would more likely bring them so it worked out well. Do what's best for you two!
