a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding

i have two nephews and a niece. they are my FH brothers kids, but i am so close with them that i consider them my own niece and nephews. i am very close with the SIL too. we see them regularly, we live close by, we love and adore them and love and adore us. that being said, i was not planning on having them at our wedding. i personally dont feel that a night time wedding is appropriate for kids that young (they will be 2 1/2, 2, and 4 1/2 by then.)

when the topic came up, his whole side of the family thought the kids should be there. including him. so i said if thats how they feel then that would be fine and that i want everyone to be happy.

fast forward to our engagement party. it's also a night time event, not nearly as long as the wedding day will be, and i see the problems already. the kids are crawling around the dance floor... when my FH brothers are all having fun dancing together (they never get to do that anymore) the kids want to be picked up etc.

again.. i LOVE these kids! we see them! but i do not think they shouls be at our wedding.s

after the engagament party my FH said that he doesnt want them all over the dance floor at the wedding etc. and i explained that that is how it will be or someone will have to be watching them all night, whether it's their moms, dads, grandparents, aunts uncles etc. i dont think this is fair to them or to us.

i am a REALLY reasonable person. i am totally laid back about the wedding, this is just something im having a hard time with.

theres a selfish part of me that wants time with our brothers and sisters, child free for one night. these kids will not grow up and be sad that they missed our wedding, you know?

what to do?

should i explain this again to them?

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding

Have a child free wedding. We are!

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

Our niece and nephew are the only people under 21 that we will be inviting (they will be 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 by the wedding). They are the FG and RB and their parents (also in the bridal party) will either be watching them or having family they trust watching them. Plus, they will probably be taken back to the hotel shortly after the reception starts because it will be their bedtime.

I know you said that it's unfair to the parents of these children to have to watch them during the wedding, but honestly, if they insist that they should be there, then that's the price they have to pay. It's less fair to other guests who have to deal with toddlers running around their feet all night.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

I dunno, it's a tough one. I have three nieces. I couldn't imagine not having them there. Mine are a little older, but I can understand the young ones being a little wild. I just can't see them not being flower girls.

I'm sure this isnt what you want to hear, but I think you should have them. I'm having a no kid rule at my wedding, HOWEVER I think immediate family and therefore the children of brothers and sisters should really be included.

Plus, I don't know about your family, but my brother and sisters would not be pleased if their kids weren't welcome.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

We are having a child free wedding and we are NOT having a FG or a RB.

What if you just had them at the ceremony and photos and then had a sitter for them for the reception?

Re: a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding

yes.. thats exactly right about other guests as well.

both me and my FH stepped on a kid while dancing! who knows who else did!

in terms of having them there for a little while or just the ceremony, that came up but they both told me that it would be too hard to get someone to pick them up. it's all or nothing.

i just cant wrap my head around it. a family function where there is a bed room where a kid can go to sleep or there are toys and games etc. but i wouldnt bring a kid to a bar. i feel like a late night wedding is the same idea. not the right setting for little ones.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

I am not having ANY children at the wedding aside from my two cousins (one is my goddaughter) who will be FGs. They will be 6 and 8 by the time I get married.

It is a tough one, but I also agree that it might not be worth upsetting the parents/FH by not having them. A sitter is a great idea.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

The only kid invited to our wedding is our FG (my MOH's daughter) and only because the grandparents are going to be there watching her. I feel the same way as you and I want every adult in my wedding to have a blast and not watching any kid. Plus my wedding starts at 8pm, very late.
I think a good option for you is to have a sitter after the ceremony or a kid area.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

We have a son that will be 2 by the time of our wedding and lot of little nieces & nephews on both sides that were very close with & we are not having any kids the night of our wedding! I will not change my mind for anyone! I feel it's not an event for children. If ou do decide to have children they will be on the dance floor & running all over too! If your ok with that then have the kids there if not then don't.. Your the bride and its your day..

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

I'm very pro no children weddings for your exact reasoning. I don't want kids running around the dance floor, being wild & crazy, getting in the way of pictures, etc. Whatever other people want is fine but I personally don't like it for my wedding, and it sounds like you don't want to deal with it either. Since it seems like you're both on the same page now, I would bring it up again and just say you think they'll have a better time if it's a night out for them without the kids. I hope this helps, good luck with everything!

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

Our cousins will be ages 6, 14, 17 and 19. My sister who will be 15 is in our bridal party. Apart from the cousins, we are not having any kids at the wedding. Luckily, most of the people we are inviting are either single or have grown-up kids, so we haven't faced an issue with this.

But yeah, if I was worried about kids running around the dance floor, I would certainly have a kids free wedding.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

We are having a kid free wedding. Our FG and RB will be 5 and 6 and they will be going home after the ceremony.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

The only child we'll be having is FH's nephew, who will be 2 and a half in Dec (he's the RB). It hasn't been discussed as to what this kid will be doing during the reception, but his mother has told me on numerous occasions that he will outshine me for sure and will totally steal the show. Honestly, I hope she and her husband take him home and all 3 stay there.

If you don't want kids there, explain your concerns from the e-party. I don't know many parents who think a wedding is an appropriate place for a toddler. If they really won't budge, perhaps you could suggest having them around for the beginning and then sending them to the bridal suite with a babysitter?

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

Our wedding party has 6 kids!!!! Two ring bearers, a flower girl, two minimaids, and the brides herald. All will be leaving after the church except my nephew who will be at the reception. I wanted to have them all with me and a part of our day but I felt that the reception was no place for children. My brother and SIL live in California and our whole family will be at the reception. What we will be doing is hiring a babysitter to take care of him in the bridal suite but he won't be in the reception room at all.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

my sister had my cousins twins at her wedding, and they were 4 at the time. they were really cute, but super annoying on the dance floor and kept going up to the dj to try and talk into the microphone. my sister regretted inviting them even though we are super close with them just because they kind of took away from the two most important people at the wedding. my cousin is totally cool with not having her kids at my wedding though. in fact, she is relieved that she can enjoy this wedding and not have to babysit her kids for a night lol

i love kids, but i just always envisioned an adults-only wedding

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

The only 'children' at our wedding will be my niece and nephews. With all the wedding planning, this is the only thing FH and I disagreed on. He said all kids or no kids and I wanted my niece and nephews who I am the godmother of all 3. They're 12, 12 & 14. I finally convinced him that we put them in the BP so they can come. My brothers kids aren't even coming and they're 12 & 15. I'm sure that'll be a fight with my brother once he realizes they're not invited.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

No children at ours! I think it's totally fine if you go that route, especially since FH is now onboard with it.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

My philosophy on this is that is has to be all or nothing, I can't imagine not having my nephews at the wedding or my cousins. So since I can't say nothing, I have to say all. My wedding is going to have family children like nephews, nieces, cousins etc. Friends will not be invited with their children.

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

I didn't have children under 10 at my wedding with the exception of my littlest cousin who is 9. They all know how to behave at an event like this, and were fine the whole wedding. I think this was in large part to the photobooth. They were in there a lot!

a hot topic, im sure.. kids at the wedding - Long Island Weddings

I think it is a matter of preference. The only children we invited were the FG & RB who are 7 and 5 and the BM daughter who is 12 and one of the GM daughters who are 8 and 10. I think they are all old enough to know how to act at a wedding and I thought since they are in the bridal party, it was right to invite the whole family. Wish me luck : )