A little problem...can use some advice....

---

Posted by kase21

I agree. I think it will appear a little off balance to have him physically showing respect for your faith (with the yarmulka) and not have to doing something that honors his in the same manner. You might want to have a discussion with your FH... maybe he's not as ok about wearing the yarmulka as you think.

About the handing a cross to his mother... be careful.. to some guests it may look like you are rejecting her faith, by handing her a cross when it's clearly not you intend to practice. Add that to her son wearing a yarmulka and the ceremony might look strange to people like me, who don't know much about the Jewish Faith to begin with.

Regarding the kids... I agree with another poster - as mcuh as you hate it now... you'll hate it even more when the kids arrive and everyone is pressuring you to do this or that... I would battle it out now, this way it's not hanging over your head....

Good Luck

---

Very good points.

---

Posted by 103005FallBride

Just some insight... I'm Catholic...I did not grow up around anyone who was Jewish and frankly...I'll admit it...I'm ignorant when it comes to another religion. With that being said...maybe he's the same and doesn't understand what the actual meaning of a yarmulke is...I know I don't. I just associate it with the Jewish religion...and think it's great that he's accepting to wear it.

If I were you...I would explain the difference between a cross and a yarmulke like Goldi1021 did.

---

Yes, I am going to explain it to FH...Thanks

---

Posted by Jaims0603

I agree with all the above posts. A yarmulka is a symbol of respect that is acknowledging a higher power is present and often people of all different religions will wear them inside a Temple.

However, I would not ignore that he seems to be trying to tell you it makes him feel uncomfortable to wear one, just as it would make you feel uncomfortable to wear a cross. Would it really bother you if he didn't wear it? My FH and I are both Jewish, but we are getting married at the hall and he decided not to wear one.

---

If he doesn't want to wear it, that is fine with me - and he know that.

this is JMO, but I wouldn't ask him to wear a yarmulke for an interfaith ceremony.

we had one, it was actually performed by a Rabbi and it was 'Jewish Style' (breaking of the glass, etc) but no one wore a yarmulke.

---

Posted by pigs222seal

---

Posted by hocus

I would say that wearing a yarmulke is not the same as wearing a cross. It it much more along the lines of wearing long sleeves in a church or wearing a hat. Wearing a yarmulke shows respect for the event, but does not mark you as Jewish.

However, the reaction your huband gave concerns me on other levels -- have you guys talked much about the issue of children?

---

Yes we've discussed this issue and its not a pretty discussion. I actually dislike this topic very much. We have decided to neither have a bris (Jewish) or a baptism, and none of the above (Communion, bar mitzvah, etc)

We will have a Christmas Tree and Menorah and celebrate passover and Easter....but no religion classes.

FMIL says this will confuse the children. When time comes and they are old enough to say mom/dad i want to go to church...fine. Until then..............

---

I give you huge kudos for even responding to the posters who asked you that. I was shocked to see anyone on this board ask you about children...it is no one's business but yours and your FH's!!! I am appalled by those who asked...sorry!

i agree, but this is a personal prefernce b/t you too, i wouldn't wear a cross and i know FI would never ask me too, when he wears the yamulka at the jewish holidays, its never b/c i ask or tell him too, he does it out of respect for me and my family.
however, he is not that religious and never wears a cross.

---

Posted by dleeny

this is JMO, but I wouldn't ask him to wear a yarmulke for an interfaith ceremony.

we had one, it was actually performed by a Rabbi and it was 'Jewish Style' (breaking of the glass, etc) but no one wore a yarmulke.

---

I think you should let him know again that you are ok with him not wearing one. Sounds like he is not too comfortable with it.

My FH's aunt just gave us our engagement gift....she gave us a seder plate and 2 wine cups...the one for Miriam and the other for...??? I forget his name. Anyway - this may sound harsh to anyone who is jewish reading this thread but I was a little appalled & caught off guard by this gift as I am Catholic. I would never offer to host a Passover dinner...I know it's the thought that counts but I sort of felt like it was her way of pushing the religion on me. My FH was pretty appalled by it too - he apologized to me when we got home. I was trying to compare it to something that someone in my family could give us that they have not and all I could come up with was a nativity. But not even b/c that would be more ok b/c I will def. put a nativity under my tree for show at Christmas. You don't really put a seder plate and those wine cups out for show at Passover do you? You just take them out to use at your seder. I don't know - I was just annoyed. I know that sounds obnoxious of me b/c it's always the thought that counts....but it just annoyed me.

i am surprised that annoyed you...being that your Fi is jewish, my aunt who is cathlic bought us jewish things and my FI bought me a jewish star for x-mas, and my FSIL bought him a godfather picture frame (he is the godfather of one of his nephews) and we plan on putting it up for all to see (even though i am jewish) in our house along with sedar plates, chanukkah stuff, since i am jewish. We really try to keep it even,

If you feel someone is trying to push somethig no you , maybe you should talk to them. Fi family always try to push their catholic nelief on me, but i just stick to what my beliefs are. while i love my FSIL she is always trying to get Fi to go to church, and FMIL is constantly asking if we are having our baby baptised (she has known for over 3 years we are rasing our children jewish) i used to get annoyed but now i see that its hard for alot of people to understand other religions.and Fi finally had to say something to them, b/c he was getting annoyed too. Right now Fi doesnt feel a connection with the catholic church so he has no interest in going tio church, etc. Infact if it wasnt for his family, he would have gotten married in a temple :)

---

Posted by bayla

i am surprised that annoyed you...being that your Fi is jewish, my aunt who is cathlic bought us jewish things and my FI bought me a jewish star for x-mas, and my FSIL bought him a godfather picture frame (he is the godfather of one of his nephews) and we plan on putting it up for all to see (even though i am jewish) in our house along with sedar plates, chanukkah stuff, since i am jewish. We really try to keep it even,

If you feel someone is trying to push somethig no you , maybe you should talk to them. Fi family always try to push their catholic nelief on me, but i just stick to what my beliefs are. while i love my FSIL she is always trying to get Fi to go to church, and FMIL is constantly asking if we are having our baby baptised (she has known for over 3 years we are rasing our children jewish) i used to get annoyed but now i see that its hard for alot of people to understand other religions.and Fi finally had to say something to them, b/c he was getting annoyed too. Right now Fi doesnt feel a connection with the catholic church so he has no interest in going tio church, etc. Infact if it wasnt for his family, he would have gotten married in a temple :)

---

I just feel like a seder plate and those wine cups are a lot different then say if she wanted to give us a menorah...that I would have been ok with. I will have a Christmas tree and put out a menorah. But I don't know - I don't see any of my FH's family members putting their seder plates on display anywhere during passover...I only see it at whoever's house is hosting the seder when it is being used. It doesn't seem like a decor item. How does she know I'll ever host a seder? I just thought it was really odd. If it were from his parents we would let them know it bothered us...but it's just his aunt who we don't see all that often so we don't feel it's necessary to bring it up. Thanks though for the idea.

no problem, interfaith marriages are tough, not b/c of the bride and groom, but its the family. I know what your saying about having the sedar plate out , i guess b/c i put it on the registry i didnt think it was a big dea. but now that i think about it, FMIL made a comment about putting a cross up in our condo and both me and Fi looked at each other and knew that wasn't going to happen. Its not like we have a big star of david on our wall :) I think if Fi even wanted to out it up i would also prob be a little upset. Like you said we do the x-mas tree and menorah for the holidays but as for decorating with religious stuff, we are not really for that. mainly b/c if my parents or his comes over, it just makes everyone uncomfortable, the only thing we are going to have up is a mezzuzah for good luck :)
but again its Fi's and your personal preference.

---

Posted by Goldi1021

A yarmulke is not a symbol of faith whereas a cross is. Many non-Jewish people do not have a problem wearing them. We had A LOT of non-Jewish guests at our wedding who wore them.

But a Jew will never wear a cross or a crucifix because it represents Christ who is not our savior. We also believe that there are no physical representations of G-d. That is why, when I have been a guest at a Catholic wedding, I do not kneel before a cross and certainly would not take communion, the body of Christ. I cannot and will not show reverence to something I do not believe in.

---

good point. however, you actually are not permitted (whether you would want to or not) to get communion if you haven't had your first holy communion in the catholic church. even catholics who haven't been through the sacrements can't get communion.

i know i could never wear a symbol of another faith--whether jewish, buddist etc. it would go against who i am. i couldn't wear a star of david.

he may not realize the symbolism of the yarmulke and you both should really discuss aspects of what you will do throughout your lives together as other posters have wisely said. it goes way past a yarmulke and cross. don't make him do it if he doesn't want to.

---

Posted by 103005FallBride

Just some insight... I'm Catholic...I did not grow up around anyone who was Jewish and frankly...I'll admit it...I'm ignorant when it comes to another religion. With that being said...maybe he's the same and doesn't understand what the actual meaning of a yarmulke is...I know I don't. I just associate it with the Jewish religion...and think it's great that he's accepting to wear it.

If I were you...I would explain the difference between a cross and a yarmulke like Goldi1021 did.

---

I happened to come across this thread in my search for yarmulkas. I'm just curious.... doesn't the pope wear a skullcap sometimes.? I was under the impression that he does. He certainly always has his head covered. I'm not sure but I'm guessing that it may be the same concept???? Anyone know the reason why he does wear a hat of some sort at all times?

---

Posted by carlsbride

Maybe you should explain to him the symbolism of what a yarmaluke is, why it is worn. It sounds like he doesn't know. Also, these are not just worn in the Jewish faith, but by Christians also. Bishop's wear skull caps, monks and some other members of various religious orders. Good luck

---

That's what I thought.

I agree. I think it will appear a little off balance to have him physically showing respect for your faith (with the yarmulka) and not have to doing something that honors his in the same manner. You might want to have a discussion with your FH... maybe he's not as ok about wearing the yarmulka as you think.
--------------------------------------------------------
I am catholic and FH is Jewish.

As a catholic person, I feel (JMO) that only 1 religion is being 'respected' in your stiuation, your FH wearing the yarmulka. Honestly, even if it a sign of respect this is still 'acknowledging' there is another religion beside his (which he does not believe in!).

So my question would be, what are you doing for your FH as a sign of respect for his religion?

Since FH and I have different beliefs, we decided that we are having a non-denomination wedding. No word of 'go d', religious beliefs will be mentioned. That way, nobody (we hope) will be offended by each others beliefs. Our minister will adapt everything to be neutral.

When it comes to children, we discussed the issue. They will be taught both religion so they have a clear understanding of what mom or dad beliefs in. We will let them make up their own mind when they get older.

---

Posted by ellebelle1

I equate wearing a yamukah in a synogogue like kneeling in a church. I've always passed on kneeling, so I think it is alright for a non-jewish person to pass on wearing a yamukah.

---

Humm, all this is very educational for me!!